Hi all, I haven't been on the forum for quite some time. I took a trip last summer to my old home town. Which seems to have set a lot of things in motion, within and about me. The time I used to spend here has been going into writing chapters and stories, spiritual studies and works, and playing with [not playing, cause I'm not that good] my guitar. Much of what's been going on in all this time has been positive, by my definition and liking. In the physical world as well as the spiritual. And, some has been sad. A very special close relative of mine passed away on 3-5. He was 85, and it was his time to go. But, he was a special presence in my life from my birth. He was like my last parent, as well as the last member of the family generations before me. Now they are all passed on. And, in the daily physical world, I will miss him greatly. He was the last of my parents peers. And I feel a loss of connection with a good part of families history with his passing. And, some has been jangling! Like a daylight home invasion robbery on 4-15. I confronted the two hoods, had some hard words with them, and then they got in their truck and drove off with more of my stuff than I would have liked. No, there wasn't any violence. I felt spiritually protected -- again. whether I was, or wasn't. But, while we confronted each other, I memorized them and their truck license to perfection. And, was on the phone to the cops before they were out of sight. 3 hours later, they were in hand cuffs. 1 hour later, I was I.D.ing them and my stuff at the arrest site. And the cops were laughing and slapping me on the back. Funny thing is, I had seen them both several times around town before. And each time, I took particular notice of them. And thought to myself, "These guys look like the cheap hoods I grew up with." So, I know there was something to that. The incident is still fresh for me. And, though the cops treated me like a hero. And I got most of my stuff back -- I am changed. I often sleep with my baseball bat next to my bed. And, I now own a gun. And, feel disturbingly ill at ease within my self. To one degree or another -- all the time. I was never the most inwardly peaceful person. But, what inner peace I had attained over the years is greatly diminished now. And I miss it and want it back. In high school I was the picked on kid by the hoods, and, lived with a constant level of alertness and anxiety -- and dread. And now -- it is back. I live rurally in the desert -- where I felt comfortable, at peace, safe, and at one with nature and the spirits. Now, I step out at night to view the stars, and a certain level of fear fills me, as I wonder, what might be lurking in the darkness about me. Or, more like -- who! And, every creak of the house, every rattle of the wind, rings my alarm bells -- momentarily. And, I find it harder to find my inner meditative place, which I had just made progress on attaining. I had a very similar feeling after the 7.1 Loma Prieta Earthquake in Santa Cruz, Ca. which I experienced -- only 5 miles from the epicenter. And, it flatened neighborhoods 70 miles away in San francisco. I was afraid to be under freeway overpasses -- many had collapsed. I no longer trusted the ground under my feet -- as if it would open up and swallow me at any moment. And, I feared after shocks would bring down the building I lived in while I slept. However in time, all that faded and I returned to how I was before the quake. Though, a few EQ saftey lessons remain. But, in the way of percautions, not fears. So, I hope this will go the same way in time. However, I know there is some solid spiritual enlighenment here that I am not yet seeing and getting. I sense that this is a test of some type -- and, more. Yes, it has something to with fear.[bet you'll see something in this Zen] And confronting them -- like the hoods. I WAS afraid, but chose to confront them -- knowing at the time -- that daylight home invasion robberies have the highest mortality rate for those who do confront the purpitrators of all robberies. Still, I felt LEAD to do it. Almost robotically controled to do it. And, I am about to be 58, and am not Tarzan. My hands shook for 30 minutes afterwards. But, I KNEW it was the right thing to do. And, that I would get away with it. In the same way that I felt spiritually protected. As, I have felt spiritually protected in other times of threat in my life as well. So what's up folks? What are you seeing from the sidelines that I'm missing in the midst of the action? And, what take do you have on where this is all going? What's the message that I'm sensing, yet not grasping? Any and all in put will be appreciated!
AHO Mohave, the interior spaces can be real teachers.....let me share one of my favorites that came to teach me in dream form (another very potent form is awake visualizing, but 1 has to be able to detach the mind and just watch without the mind feedback dialogue which distorts all).... I was in the northwest part of india/nepal/tibet area and was learning spiritual martial arts from a master....he came to me and bowed with his hands up his sleeves and said "you have been a good student, I have but 1 more thing to help you learn"...as fast as thought his hands flashed out throwing the flying stars everywhere I could physically be or move to, ... I dissappeared....., "very good" he said. What that dream visualization told me is that we can make it our choice to not be where the energy is.....all depends upon just how Aware we are willing to let ourSelfs Be. One more incident and then I again step into the woodwork....in my younger days, long before the population pressures were near as strong as they are now; hitchhiking through the mountains of pennsylvania, I found myself walking through the night along the road with about a 40 pounds backpack. Hearing some noises in the woods, the mind started spinning its webs and I thought that there might be a bear lurking, and the adrenaline started building. Suddenly about 10' in front of me a deer jumped to its feet and bounded away into the forest; I backpedaled furiosly as the pack started to pull me off balance, instictively having jumped back...... Had a real good laugh at what I now perceived , having built the energy of the fearsome bear, I reacted fearfully at the frightened doe running away from me.... I now hermit in the forest, and about 3>5 times a year have close encounters with bears coming to the bird feeder at my camp, (though I do have guns, I seldom use them except to shoot into the ground in the direction of the sound of snowmobiles and 4wheelers trespassing through the posted land.... something the locals understand and appreciate, and most that do trespass come from the cities, the locals know about the crazy man up in the hills), I find that a drum and our own friendly understandings are all that are needed for the bear to give me enough time to take down the feeder so that it is not destroyed...he is welcome to the seed on the ground. We manufacture our Awareness and our perceptions, and so we are able to affect them even as we effect them. Merry meet brother Blessings Be along your Way....ahhh the lessons we learn. Namaste (my spirit nows to your spirit)
oldwolf, Yes, I am dealing with my mind running away with me on the issue of unexpected, random, human threats -- and not enjoying it. I like your disappearing dream, wish I could do that in the physical. What is going on with me, is much like your encounter with the deer. Only in my case, I was taken by surprise by a very real and actual threat, which I was unprepared for and didn't expect. And now, in the aftermath, my mind is running away with thoughts of possible reoccurrences, and my vulnerability to that. Just in writing this I am gaining some insight and perspective on the issue that I feel will help. So thanks for helping me along the way. Much appreciated.
You say you felt spiritually protected hmmmm...maybe that's the point. Maybe it was some kind of validation. You say that daylight home invasion robberies have the highest mortality rate yet they didn't touch you. I mean they didn't even beat you up (well aside from emotionally). Must have had some heavy duty protection....
Hey Mojave, old friend. I know where you are. A couple years ago, I started getting a certain thought whenever I boarded the commuter train. I thought, "Where is the safest place to sit in case the train runs into something?" Every time I got on the train, this thought came to me. I figured out the safest spot. Choose a seat with my back toward the direction of motion, so the impact wouldn't send me flying. Stay at least one car back from the front. The day the impact happened, I wasn't even on the train. I missed my alarm clock and slept in late. By the time I got to the station, it was already over. Nobody hurt too badly, but the crash tied up the railroad line for some time before they got it cleared. After that, whenever I got on the train, I stopped having those thoughts about finding a safe seat. It just didn't bother me anymore. You had your attention grabbed by those guys before they invaded your home. Now they've invaded it, and what was to happen has happened and is over. Tell you what, Mojave: If anything else is going to happen, something else will be grabbing your attention too. Is anything grabbing your attention like that now? I'll bet it isn't. That's your sign, buddy. If anything else was going to happen, you'd get a warning. And you're not getting one, are you? But I know it's not easy. But maybe this will help a bit. My thoughts are with you, brother.
Yes, I can see that in it. Time and again in my life, in instances of threat, I have been delivered without any, or little, physical harm to myself. I don't fully understand it, but it is a feeling/sense of being charmed in that way. Like the saying, "Some one up there likes me." Over my life, I have come to view it as deliverance, protection, intervention, blessing, etc.. Almost like a force field/shield that automatically activates when needed. I never expect it or count on it. I think it would be foolish and unwise to do so. But, when I need it, it always seems to be there -- and totally surprises me every time. And I am so thankful for that. And, it is usually in situations where I do not have time to consciously think about, or pray, or call for it. It has just almost always been there when needed. And, I do pray and ask that it continue and always be there whenever I might need it. It is an unusual connection, which I appreciate. No, I can't say that anything is grabbing my attention in that way at the moment. But, I can't shake the thought of how where I grew up, if some one busted some one, cooperated with the cops, sent some one up -- they would eventually be paid a very unpleasant visit by the hoods friends -- sooner or later. And, that is gnawing at me right now. [especially as I was just subpoenaed today to testify as a witness on the 30th, which I will do] And that is a part of my history. And, I am a historian -- it was my college major. And, I seem to have an access and connection with the Akashik Records that is beyond that of most at the spiritual level as well. And, I think that is some of what this is about. Past stuff, personal history [within this life], that I'm still stuck in. Because, I feel like I did back then, as a kid, teen, and twentysomething. Keeping my head down, looking over my shoulder, and watching my back for the bad guys. And, I'm just getting that this is because I have made some progress with myself on my spiritual journey. And it is time to confront, deal, heal, etc., this history -- fear set. IT, is up. I haven't done that so far, though it has been brought to my attention to do so on several occasions. I have hung onto my past, this past, this history -- claiming it as part of myself -- who I am -- my identity. Valuing my street smarts, and, feeling I would make myself more vulnerable to that world if I were to divest myself of them. And, not wanting [fearing?] to change who/what I identify myself to be. As if I would be caving in, or losing myself -- losing -- my identity. Interestingly enough, in stealing my possessions -- they were actually physically stealing some of my physical history. With it's sentimental and emotional attachments and values. I got my 2 tool boxes back, but nothing else. Guess that means I've got the tools to get to work and fix things! Huh?! And, all the rest that they took -- is just history now! Now I've got to figure out how to deal with what's up! How do I breakout of my history -- and move forward on my journey? The voice in my head says, "With The Flow!" "TO flow!" That, in truth, tells me a lot. As,The Flow is something I am working with at the moment. Imagine that! All other advice and input is welcomed and desired.
It is so difficult to truly "out-grow" our childhoods/adolescent years...no matter how old and educated we get. That being said, mojave green, I feel that you have grown and most probably "changed" immensely; and your confronting those burglars (regardless of the later fear) is a living testament to (imho) not only your bravery but the degree of spiritual protection which surrounds you. The fact that you have since made certain you are physically "protected" only reflects that you recognize these are seriously crazy times in which we live...and it's like Zen said, I too feel that if there is to be another "incident" you will feel yourself called and warned (I'm sure you know what I mean) about it. Thank you very much for sharing.
Lynn, Thanks of the kind words. I think you and Zen are right about things quieting down at this point. And, me probably getting some kind of tip off if there is something else coming up. I got several tip offs that this was coming. First, for the last year or so, I saw these 2 rip offs around town every so often. Together, or singly. And, they always stood out of the crowd to me. I always took particular notice of them. And always identified them as sleaze ball, druggie, rip offs -- as they turned out to be. And, in the last 1 -2 month period before the burglary, I twice dreamed that an indistinct male figure [which looked very much like one of them] suddenly ripped open my workshop door. And, I jumped to the scene because I heard the sound. Which is almost what actually happened. They broke into my workshop, by cutting the lock off with bolt cutters. But, then they actually tried to steal my wash machine! And broke a plastic water pipe in the process -- which I did hear. And I jumped to the scene to see what was up. And, as soon as I saw their truck parked almost at my front door. And, the door to my shop standing open -- I knew what was up! When I had the dreams, I pretty much knew what they were telling me. But, not liking what I thought they were telling me, I told myself that they were just worry dreams and to forget it. Though, I really didn't, and they did concern me, and, the feeling never really fully left me. Which, is my usual response to foresight that is not to my liking. It isn't completely denial. It is actually more my way of attempting to change, or dispel, the event before it takes place. Which, is something that it seems, most of the time, I have little effectiveness at. Too bad. Well, at least maybe I'm due for some points for trying.
Mojave, your reaction to the "worry dreams" reminds me of what was going through my mind a lot six years ago. At that time I was working in Illinois and having face-to-face conversations with my spirit guide Deanna almost daily. Of course, she was doing a lot of her mixed-messaging around that time, and I kept having the nagging fear in the back of my mind that if I continued down this path with her, she was going to get me fired from my job somehow, though I never voiced this worry out loud to anyone. Interestingly, in my mind I was sometimes telling her, "I'm so tired of everything - I need a vacation for about a year." And one day, standing outside the office talking to her as she smoked, when nobody else was around, she was being not overly friendly with me, and then she suddenly blurted out, totally unrelated to the conversation at hand, "Those fears at the back of your mind that you don't want to face are the truth." And with that she put out her cigarette stub and went back into the building. And a few months later she got me fired and sent me on a harrowing journey of self-discovery. Lately, by the way, I've exchanged a few e-mails with her about her dying. She's dying of cancer, you see. I asked her to please have someone notify me when she passes, because I wasn't sure I would know, otherwise. I also expressed some of my sadness. She wrote me this reply, "I take it that this is good therapy for you..... ! carry on Richard, carry on... and you will know when I pass...! no big deal- okay! No need to cry over spilled milk... just clean it up! easy... some things we simply have no control over... death is one of them!" I wrote back and accused her of being a marginally human entity and an honorary citizen of Planet Vulcan. Life goes on and things change, sometimes in amazing, unforeseeable ways.
Just so you all know, the paranoia, concern, and hyper alertness I first experienced after the incident, has greatly fallen off. Though, some still remains. And, I think some always will.
