The Story Of My Father's Battle

Discussion in 'Cancer: There is Hope' started by lovelyxmalia, Feb 10, 2011.

  1. lovelyxmalia

    lovelyxmalia Banana Hammock Lifetime Supporter

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    My father passed away in November of last year. He became sick last January. I wrote this story last summer before things got as bad as they did and I'd like to share it with you all... I apologize for the length!

    The way it all happened was quick and tragic. It all seemed too surreal and still does. The series of events that have happened since he went into the hospital on January 22 still have sunk in yet. It started with stomach issues. He went in thinking it was an ulcer. I gave him my expertise on the matter, since I have become the queen of stomach ulcers. After some blood work and a partial physical, the nurse from his doctor's office called him and suggested he go to the Emergency Room in order to get an ultrasound on his stomach without having to wait for an appointment. They told him his enzyme levels were high. That's when it all started...

    He was admitted that night and stayed in the hospital for over a month. After countless MRIs, CAT scans, and a few endoscopes, the doctors decided to cut him open. February 3rd he went in for surgery and was in surgery for over six hours. My family and I sat in the waiting room patiently, hoping they didn't come out giving us the news we all dreaded hearing.

    They had removed a quarter of his intestine and a large tumor located on the backside of his small intestine. Based on where it was located, it was tough to detect in an MRI or any other test they performed. I went to see him almost every day for the remaining time he was in the hospital. We talked a lot and I really got to know the unbelievable man I was blessed with as a father.

    I was there the day the doctor came in and told him it was stage four, diffused Pancreaticobiliary Cancer (cancer of the bile ducts in the pancreas) and it seemed to have spread fierce. I sat silently in the room with him and cried without him seeing me. After a long silence, he told me to stop crying. He said he was going to be fine.

    After many more tests and a second opinion from one of the greatest cancer facilities in the world, we still have many unanswered questions. They did find a gene, most common in women causing breast cancer, but can cause cancer anywhere really. Chemo now consists of being treated for this gene and breast cancer, but also being treated for the pancreatic/general stomach cancer.

    He has his ups and downs. He's still recovering from the surgery, all the while adjusting to the chemo. But there is something magical about this man. There is something I have never seen in another human being that lives deep within my father. He is a walking miracle.

    He is unbelievably patient. He has yet to complain about the unanswered questions. He puts all of his faith into the doctors and into their knowledge. He also puts his faith into his strength. One night after the surgery and when he was coming off of the Morphine, he told me he was going to do what he needed to overcome this. He didn't seem worried or afraid. He told me that as if he were talking about his next project in the yard or the new exhaust he had to put in his Cadillac. His attitude and patience has put my mind at ease.

    My father has yet to complain about anything. He didn't complain in the hospital, he hasn't complained about the chemo or the recovery. He keeps to himself and does what he needs to do to recover from this.

    I really wish everyone could be more like my father, including myself. He is admirable in this battle he is facing and he is better composed than anyone I know. He is the one going through this pain and he is calmer than his whole family is about the situation. He has a one-track mind and that track is to fight and triumph.

    When someone says their relative has cancer, you always feel sympathetic and upset for them. You say, "awww, I'm so sorry. That's too bad." But it's a very different feeling when it actually hits home; when it's a parent or a child. I don't ever wish this on anyone, but should this happen to a loved one of yours, I pray they have the patience and strength my father has. Chemotherapy isn't what is going to heal my father, that's just a small part of his recovery. He is his own medication. He will overcome this and live to an old age. I have no doubts in my mind after watching him and being by his side through this. Not only is my father the strongest man I know, he is my hero, my serenity, and my strength.
     
  2. Heat

    Heat Smile, it's contagious! :) Lifetime Supporter

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    Thank you for sharing and allowing us to get to know your Dad. I feel honoured to be able to read about him and the love and respect you write about make me wish I had of had an opportunity to meet him. He left you with the most precious gift he could have.

    I hope that all the wonderful memories and time you spent together bring you comfort.
     
  3. newbie-one

    newbie-one one with the newbiverse

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    I'm sorry that you lost your dad.

    I guess I say things like this a lot, but you might want to check out grievance counseling

    I hope that this doesn't come across the wrong way, but I think that you are really lucky to have the dad that you did. Lots of people absolutely hate their fathers, so to have such a good one is a blessing, even though you didn't have him for longer.
     
  4. lovelyxmalia

    lovelyxmalia Banana Hammock Lifetime Supporter

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    Thank you very much. I was very lucky to have gotten as close to him as I did. As a teenager, he drank heavily and him and I never saw each other...I pretty much hated him. So I know how people feel that have shitty parents. He didn't quit drinking until he got sick, actually...and while he was sick, he realized just what his drinking did to my family. Too little, too late...but he noticed it, none-the-less.

    I'm trying to go through this without the counseling. I know they are going to tell me things I already know and I've been doing pretty good at moving forward. Its been tough, don't get me wrong...and I have some AWFUL days, but for the most part, I do have a lot of really great people there to support me. :)
     
  5. lovelyxmalia

    lovelyxmalia Banana Hammock Lifetime Supporter

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    Thanks, Heat...I hope that my story can show people the unconditional love I shared with him before, during, and after his illness. I miss him very much, but I know he is still with me, always. He was the type of man I wish everyone could meet and learn from
     
  6. farmout

    farmout All who wander arent lost Lifetime Supporter

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    Really sorry to hear about this. Sounds like you have some really good memories and have managed to deal with the loss quite well.
    Hospice has grief support groups and lots of info to help through such losses.
    You will find it gets easier as time passes but you will miss them forever.
    Bright Blessings Be....
    Hug, Farmout :)
     
  7. scratcho

    scratcho Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    They say and I have read that the first man a little girl falls in love with is her daddy. It took you and your dad longer to get to a point where the love could flow freely ,but it did happen and you are,I believe ,the better person for it and he was blessed to have you at the end. It was the best resolution for both of you,even if it was late in his life. Love to you,dear.
     
  8. lovelyxmalia

    lovelyxmalia Banana Hammock Lifetime Supporter

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    Thank you both. And scratcho, I joked with him constantly during his last year about how he was the only man for me :D

    I was fortunate to have seen the good, the bad, and the ugly when it came to my relationship with my father. And farmout, the memories I will keep are the best gifts he could have ever given me. It took us years to overcome our differences, but in the end, the beauty of what we became was irreplaceable :)

    THanks again guys! :)
     
  9. Meliai

    Meliai Banned

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    Your father sounds like an amazing man. I am sorry for your loss. I watched my cousin go through it with my uncle, who was one of the greatest men I've ever known. He wasted away to under 100 pounds within three months, it was very hard to watch.

    You are very lucky to have had a chance to get to know your dad before he passed away. Grieving takes time and it might be a long time before you can think about him and not hurt, but count that blessing every day. My dad passed away when I was 7, not everyone gets a chance to get to know their daddy. Hold on to the last lines of that story, the part about him being your serenity and strength. Maybe that will help get you through the grieving process.
     
  10. Dude111

    Dude111 An Awesome Dude HipForums Supporter

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    I agree....

    I am so sorry you lost your father..... He was quite lucky to have you :)

    Thank you for taking the time to write the above and share it with us [​IMG]
     
  11. DavidGriffin

    DavidGriffin Banned

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    I also agree....
     

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