The Sin of Apathy

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by redyelruc, Jul 16, 2007.

  1. redyelruc

    redyelruc The Yard Man

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    The Sin of Apathy

    Lying here in my envelope of peacefulness,
    Mozart's melodies bathing me in bliss,
    Streams of summer sunset sooth my soul,
    Sleep well, they say, sleep well.

    Eyes closed, my mind wanders.
    Where to tonight I wonder.
    Down dark and dreary dungeons,
    To hell, they say, to hell.

    There's no flames, no fire,
    And no fucking Lucifer.
    But I did nothing, I did nothing, I protest.
    Exactly, they say, exactly.



    What do you think???
    Please, all comments are greatly appreciated. Critics welcome.

    Travel free,
    Aidan.
     
  2. jim kirby

    jim kirby Member

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    i like it ... no hell ... no heaven ... exactly i say, exactly
     
  3. mr_alleycat

    mr_alleycat Member

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    Good Write!


    Apathy is hell, my friend.
    Fore just as in this life, it is what we make of it.
     
  4. Vetty214

    Vetty214 Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    I like this very much but wondered who were "they" then I thought, maybe the writer was "they" and my mind went down this path... I like yours better, but wanted to share where my mind went as I reviewed. Great poem Aidan!

    Lying in his envelope of peacefulness,
    Mozart's melodies bathing him in bliss,
    Streams of summer sunset sooth his soul,
    Sleep well, I say, sleep well.

    Eyes closed, his mind wanders.
    Where to tonight he wonders.
    Down dark and dreary dungeons,
    To hell, I say, to hell.

    There's no flames, no fire,
    And no fucking Lucifer.
    But I did nothing, I did nothing, he protests.
    Exactly, I say, exactly.
     
  5. redyelruc

    redyelruc The Yard Man

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    thanks for digging this up. This was actually ny first write on this forum and the first poem I ever wrote, about 15 years ago. At the time, 'they' were the voices in my head that I now know all belong to a single person, me. At the time, their ideas seemed so diverse that I wasn't sure. Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse sort of helped explain things to me.

    Anyway, thanks for your thoughts. I actually like the sound of your version more. It a little more direct.

    Peace,
    A.
     
  6. Malapascua

    Malapascua Member

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    Aidan,
    Another good write.
    (Don't know how I missed it back in July, but I did).
    You are very versitle.
     
  7. Vetty214

    Vetty214 Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

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    I love Hesse, Steppenwolfe was a life changing read for me. I have a poem where I use "lukewarm days"... you probably know exactly what I"m talking about. I'm glad you shared. Vetty
     
  8. Skratch

    Skratch Member

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    no fucking Lucifer indeed

    I loved it
     

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