it's been quite a long time since i wrote something i liked and this is the first thing i've really finished in a long time. it gets pretty off-topic at the end, but the whole thing is rather hallucinatory. any feedback is appreciated. :] the sacred heart isn't just a hospital because somewhere between floor twelve and floor twenty-six when i couldn't seem to get enough to soothe the need for a fix, i crashed like a ton of bricks. and i sunk through the sheets and the floor into a bottom-floor apartment complex. but i'm still hungry; still searching for a piece of silver in the top drawer. staggering in this house of cards just because i'm not ready to remove the shards. this isn't quite the alice in wonderland fantasy associated with ectasy. i can't swallow those pills but breathing comes easy with silver thrills. scratches suffice at first but even with fanmail comes anthrax. there's no stuttering rabbit to remind of the time as i've lost all perception to mind. and my tea might have been laced but that march hare wouldn't have let me sip anything defaced. the mad hatter might have slipped me some mercury but still things wouldn't make any sense to me. forthingcoming perceptions from the cheshire cat don't do much for those crawling and reaching out for a dirty welcome mat. sometimes it's dark and sometimes it's hot; and sometimes i wish i were not. learning to swim as i'm just about to drown isn't any way to earn my crown. fiddling away while this room burns down isn't any way to gain you're trust i know but it's the only way i'll know to get your attention. you've watched me pull up my sleeve before to snuff out the sounds my insides make, as they are screaming so loud. i should know better but even when i'm freezing, i still won't wear a sweater. you've written your number on my face but i'm just not into calling when i'm out of place. as it seems, God's not ready to give up just yet though every breath sounds like a threat. if i don't find myself in the sacred heart tomorrow, i've left you my ring in a safety deposit box and, if i know you, you'll find your way around the lock. i've looked in the mirror once today and my eyes aren't quite your shade of grey but they're such a watery blue that i look so much like you. you've seen me naked and there's no way i can fake it. you know why i can't leave you alone; don't make me say it.