ok so i don't really know if i'd call this a poem it's something i wrote when i was feeling very emotional. so i thought i'd post it and get some feed back or comments. thank you kush _________________________________________________________________ Fuck! I can’t believe how much I risked loving you I risked everything for you Lost my trust My heart, my validity My smile and my mind Over what? A stupid kiss… That bitch stole it from you That bitch wasn’t me though was it? She’s just like me though She loved you, just like me You hate her, just like you hate me She might as well be me But she just wasn’t was she You couldn’t love her like you loved me And that made you angry After I said those things You ran from me And I couldn’t catch you I didn’t want to I knew things would never be the same You liar you heart breaker I’ll break your neck What you don’t have one? OH, you spineless jelly fish I told you not to trust me So what do you do… obeyed me! You’re the dumbest bitch I know But I wouldn’t ever tell you that I love you too much I’ll hurt you though I’ll break your ever loving heart again and again and again And it’ll sting Like a bee….. Wait you’re allergic to bees Good!!!!!!!!! Die bitch Wait I didn’t want to I didn’t mean to I didn’t…wait You think I did No, no, no That was just an act to make you think I didn’t care What? It worked? I-I-I don’t know what to do! I can’t cry any more Basically I refuse to slit my wrists Don’t even go there Please don’t go there with me Well ok so please DO go there with me I’ll go any where with you I’ll go to hell for you if it means you’ll be happy What you are happy, Ha…ha…ha! DON’T lie to me any more But hey, what is that… Floating in that pool over there? Don’t go over there…you don’t know what you’d find I know what you’d find In that pool over there they’ll find my body In that body they’ll find my blood In that blood they’ll see your poison In that poison they’ll see your hate In that hate they’ll see your lies In those lies they’ll see your pain In that pain they’ll see your truth In the truth they’ll see your love After all that cover up you can’t even look at me Because we both know We don’t even know each other The fake you learned to love the real me The real me learned to love the fake you And when the real you came out… Your walls went up When your walls went up I got hurt When I got hurt I got defensive When I got defensive I got in trouble And when I got in trouble I needed you most When I needed you most You were no where to be found And when I couldn’t find you I went looking I got lost I got scared I got weak I got nowhere I got… I have… I gained… Nothing I lost….EVERYTHING You gave me so much then stole it all You couldn’t even help me when I needed it The only thing I was or am to you Is your pain Without me you couldn’t feel a thing Could you… I know I could I could feel it in my happiness The hunch just wouldn’t go away And I knew something… A secret I couldn’t bare to tell you The secret was…that I knew from the start That the end would be painful I knew it, I knew it all along I knew that there would be an end And it would take over our lives Our love Our minds souls and spirits! We would call it heartache… Or maybe we’d call it blame Back stabbing It didn’t matter what we called it Maybe we wouldn’t call it any thing It would hurt and burn, so badly We wouldn’t be able to mutter a sound in its name And it would be like a disease One where the pain never really left (Or dulled at all for that fact) At least not for a long time Not until the pain of a new disease distracted you from the old pain I can’t see it at all I don’t feel it at all I can barely hear it at all… And yet, What I CAN hear is the slow, weak, sickly murmur Of a heart Ya that heart MY HEART The one still beating in the bottom of the pool! If you listen really closely You can hear it try to scream Scream I LOVED YOU And in that scream I’ll finally see the truth The truth you feared all along Me… you were scared of me And I knew it Didn’t I? Fuck! I can’t believe how much I risked loving you I risked everything for you Lost my trust My heart, my validity My smile and my mind Over what? A stupid kiss… That bitch stole it from you That bitch wasn’t me though was it? She’s just like me though She loved you, just like me You hate her, just like you hate me She might as well be me But she just wasn’t was she You couldn’t love her like you loved me And that made you angry After I said those things You ran from me And I couldn’t catch you I didn’t want to I knew things would never be the same You liar you heart breaker I’ll break your neck What you don’t have one? OH, you spineless jelly fish I told you not to trust me So what do you do… obeyed me! You’re the dumbest bitch I know But I wouldn’t ever tell you that I love you too much I’ll hurt you though I’ll break your ever loving heart again and again and again And it’ll sting Like a bee….. Wait you’re allergic to bees Good!!!!!!!!! Die bitch Wait I didn’t want to I didn’t mean to I didn’t…wait You think I did No, no, no That was just an act to make you think I didn’t care What? It worked? I-I-I don’t know what to do! I can’t cry any more Basically I refuse to slit my wrists Don’t even go there Please don’t go there with me Well ok so please DO go there with me I’ll go any where with you I’ll go to hell for you if it means you’ll be happy What you are happy, Ha…ha…ha! DON’T lie to me any more But hey, what is that… Floating in that pool over there? Don’t go over there…you don’t know what you’d find I know what you’d find In that pool over there they’ll find my body In that body they’ll find my blood In that blood they’ll see your poison In that poison they’ll see your hate In that hate they’ll see your lies In those lies they’ll see your pain In that pain they’ll see your truth In the truth they’ll see your love After all that cover up you can’t even look at me Because we both know We don’t even know each other The fake you learned to love the real me The real me learned to love the fake you And when the real you came out… Your walls went up When your walls went up I got hurt When I got hurt I got defensive When I got defensive I got in trouble And when I got in trouble I needed you most When I needed you most You were no where to be found And when I couldn’t find you I went looking I got lost I got scared I got weak I got nowhere I got… I have… I gained… Nothing I lost….EVERYTHING You gave me so much then stole it all You couldn’t even help me when I needed it The only thing I was or am to you Is your pain Without me you couldn’t feel a thing Could you… I know I could I could feel it in my happiness The hunch just wouldn’t go away And I knew something… A secret I couldn’t bare to tell you The secret was…that I knew from the start That the end would be painful I knew it, I knew it all along I knew that there would be an end And it would take over our lives Our love Our minds souls and spirits! We would call it heartache… Or maybe we’d call it blame Back stabbing It didn’t matter what we called it Maybe we wouldn’t call it any thing It would hurt and burn, so badly We wouldn’t be able to mutter a sound in its name And it would be like a disease One where the pain never really left (Or dulled at all for that fact) At least not for a long time Not until the pain of a new disease distracted you from the old pain I can’t see it at all I don’t feel it at all I can barely hear it at all… And yet, What I CAN hear is the slow, weak, sickly murmur Of a heart Ya that heart MY HEART The one still beating in the bottom of the pool! If you listen really closely You can hear it try to scream Scream I LOVED YOU And in that scream I’ll finally see the truth The truth you feared all along Me… you were scared of me And I knew it Didn’t I?
ranting is good, a way to release emotion. you are right though this isn't a poem. if you want to take it and make it a poem than find some imagery to blend into it and start cutting away at it until it's a tenth of the size. take anything out that is a repetition. as for what images to use... pick a theme and a sense (smell/touch/sound): garbage/stink? summer/heat? make a list of theme words for your chosen images/sensory type - then find ways to use those words to replace some of the common words you are using in this rant. that could be a start... it will take a lot of work to make this a poem but you might have something incredible if you try hard.
