the psychedelic dieing feeling on dpt

I recently took a large dose of dpt while on 2c-b, and came to the point where I thought I was going to die (how cliche is that?). There was a word/thought/feeling, I wish I could remember what it was! Everytime I thought that thing, I would immediately think it again, and over and over again. It's extremely hard to explain. But when I found that word/thought/whatever, I realized it was the one thing that everybody found the second before they died. I lived in that bizzarre state for a period of time, unable to move, thinking I had just died or was about to, because I had found the word/thought/feeling. The thought had something to do with going off to infinity (time split up into smaller and smaller section)... I remember making some bizarre connection about how black holes work (the whole time-stopping thing). And all of a sudden something made complete sense. The only other thing that I really remember was that the only way to save myself was to do something... ...and the end result of whatever I did woke my friend up (he was like "what the fuck!?"). I explained something to him (about my previous state), and he said you must have been lucid dreaming while on drugs. I have no fucking clue, however I do know that my eyes were open.

It's impossible to explain. The weirdest thing about it, was that when I reached the bizzare point/thought/word/feeling/whatever-it-was I recognized it!! I had seen it before! That was scariest/weirdest part. I wish I knew where I recognized it from. Whatever that word/though/feeling/whatever is it clearly couldn't be explained in reality, or experienced at all while one remained in contact with reality. It might have been something that could only be experienced at the beginning. I remember it made absolutely no sense that I actually survived the experience. That was not supposed to happen. Time had COMPLETELY stopped.

 

everyone experiences that atleast once... everyone has before you for thousands and thousands of years... maybe the memory of death is instinctual?

 

I thought that was ego death? Thinking you are dead.

 

Ego death is a little more complex than thinking you are dead. Having never experienced it I can only base this off of what I have read of the experiences of others. That being said, ego death is the death of self, the mental construct of our own individuality and personality. It means losing contact with what makes us ourselves. What he was experiencing doesn't sound like that. However it is absolutely remarkable. I've always wondered if there's a connection between psychedelic NDEs and physiological perception of death. Venturing into the spiritual, I wonder if death allows you to reconnect with a pre-birth existence and perhaps even some sort of spirtual memories about that non-life state.

 

I remembered something about that trip. I felt this feeling, that all decisions made by human beings operate between two (or more) poles (outcomes). I felt my brain switch in between those two poles (the deciding process) until it got faster and faster and faster, and then sped off into infinity and SNAP the decision was made. I realized that it was through this process that I was dieing: my life switched back and forth faster and faster (between what, I'm not sure). I realized the ultimate deciding factor in all decisions was time. That was the thing I kept forgetting. I had been arguing with a friend earlier about determinism, about how we have no control over our own destiny (as opposed to having free will). If we humans do not have free will then God has no right to punish us for things we didn't "choose". If God is morally just He is unable to punish me for being a bad person during my life on earth, because I didn't have free will.

 

Yeah I know ego death is alot more complex, but I hear when some people experience it, not knowing what it is, they beleive they have died.

 

If you can have the thought "I think I'm dead" you have not experienced ego death. With ego death, the "I" and "me" are gone completely. You may become so disoriented that it might make sense to think that you could have died, though my experience with ego death has influenced how I feel about death. You could say that it was more like a "post death experience" - what happens after you've gone.

I had a similar thought loop when I was on mushrooms one time, havin a bad experience for a while cuz I ate too many, and at one point I turned to one of my friends and said "Dude...there is no way I should be alive right now." They kinda freaked, cuz I had been in a bad way for a while not bein able to tell if I was gonna throw up and several stints in the bathroom, said "get AWAY from that, you're not going to die" I laughed and said "I know, you have to eat way more mushrooms than I had to die....I think. I'll be alright later...maybe"

I also had a discussion about that sort of shit about God, only it was all in my head until I got to a point where I had proved there could not be a god, and said out loud "There is NO WAY there is a god." Totally out of the blue, I had been silent and almost motionless for maybe an hour and a half...my friends were confused. But think about it - if we have no free will and are punished for doing the things that we didn't choose to do, then what kind of God are people worshiping? Take it one step further - God damns those to eternal flame and torture that do not believe in him, commit sins, etc; yet he created them as such - therefore, god has created people that he wanted to have tortured. God is no being worth worshiping, he is a sadistic mad scientist.

I love the thought loops from mushrooms, dont get that as much from LSD, maybe someday I'll get to try some of this other shit.

 

* I remember making some bizarre connection about how black holes work (the whole time-stopping thing).And all of a sudden something made complete sense. The only other thing that I really remember was that the only way to save myself was to do something...*

cool stufff...sounds like ego death...for me what it does is the great zip, I dont know hot to call it, its like completely free consciousness , like stuck in a moment , then my body poops up floating in light, then theres rolls and rolls and rolls and rolls, mmmm they feel so good.

*It's impossible to explain. The weirdest thing about it, was that when I reached the bizzare point/thought/word/feeling/whatever-it-was I recognized it!!*

Maybe you should read *be here now* by ram dass.


Earth is spinning, souls come and go, in and out of the vault.

 

I've have a similar experience with the black hloe thing, but it was very mild and only lasted a few seconds. Instead of a black hole it was a giant fractal pulling me into it, and i just kept on going so i freaked out and jumped out of bed then i was back to normal. Well somewhat at least.

 

wow fully sounds like a good dmt trip

 

yea man.. ego death is intense. i havnt fully experienced it but i was on threshold of it. I got the feeling of nothingness but also a feeling of connection between everything. But i was still aware of myself so it wasnt complete ego death. Tht sounds like a kick ass trip to me

 

ever see someone fall into a k hole?

i have and this sounds like what happened to you except....without the k