the others might vary in styles.

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by enigmatic_void, Jun 1, 2007.

  1. enigmatic_void

    enigmatic_void Member

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    my heart might flicker
    the blood starts to flow
    stopped by the decayed flesh
    gone long ago
    as i tear at this decay
    i cry my broken tears.
    stifled agony beneath these tender claws
    the spears in my brain
    take away my ever way,
    anything i would want to say.
    nauseating my skull - it shivers
    it`s my own freezing
    different from anyone elses
    it`s my own secret insanity
    the blistering heat
    leaves you with scars
    my sensitivity burnt away.
  2. Kether

    Kether Member

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    A few capital letters would make it seem less like something written rapidly on a napkin, and more like a poem. It seems very stop-start.
    it seems like
    you are just
    randomly picking
    when to go on
    to the next

    and sometimes it
    seems you randomly
    go to a different image
    an octupus screaming
    a kangaroo hiding
    the moon is nice
    but what was I saying?[​IMG]

    I don't know why, but if you are to have a sense of coherency to the poem, it seems to me that perhaps you could use the image of tears to do so? Use the image in various ways throughout, to have one solid, coherent image stream going throughout the whole thing.
  3. enigmatic_void

    enigmatic_void Member

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    whatever, i was sharing my Good, Real poem, if anyone with Sense was to read it (pah) then that was why i put it here.

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