the oh so long story cut short

greetings. my name is caroline and i have stumbled upon this board because i dont know where else to turn. i know this isnt exactly human interaction, but maybe its close enough. four years ago i went off to college to do that whole trip, and was interrupted by some experiences. i call them much needed experiences, the doctors call them LSD induced psychosis. Many hospital stays later I am fine, although i do sometimes hear this all to real voice in my head. Why do i hear it? i dont know. its not scary, doesn't mean me harm, yet no body around me will entertain the idea that i may not be sick, just going through some spiritual transformations. and that, has left me very alone. so since i moved back home and away from all my hippie friends, i turn to these boards, so maybe i can have some interactions with people other than my therapist and conservative parents. thank you for reading

 

How old were you when you first tripped? Was it a positive experience?

 

what does the voice say?

 

the very first time i was 19. i went to a music festival with a couple of friends. they quickly deserted me when i got there, but later someone gave me some L. i had a horrible trip. I was freaked out and alone. i was lost, didn't know where i was. but that was the first time. i have also had some very good trips. where i was with people i cherished and felt safe. beautiful visuals. but I wasn't interested in spirituality during my use of LSD. So i didn't get any life changing answers out of it. Maybe in the future I will experience something worth remembering instead of just trying to escape the reality I was in. or maybe i did have some great realizations, but of course, i cant remember them.

 

well, it changes as i change. it likes to give me direction. tell me what to do (like at one point to start living in my car). and i used to listen. but now i decide things for myself. it used to tell me to go outside and walk around this shady neighborhood i live nearby barefoot. it told me to leave my parents house and become homeless. these things, i wont do. ive tried doing, but wont be doing again. but now, as ive been faintly hearing it for the last few days, it mostly just tells me to stop watching tv. and to read, and to think, and write. it tells me that i'm beautiful, and that i have a lot of work to do. its very confusing.

 

I guess the main thing is that you are not obeying what you hear just because you hear it.

I think it may be good to think of the voice as a kind of background noise that doesn't necessarily mean anything.

I suppose if what you hear is something that you consciously feel is a good thing to do, it wouldn't necessarily be bad to go along, but it would probably be better for you if the voice quieted down.

You might want to see a therapist to see if you can relate to your experiences in a better way.

 

yeah i got one. its not all bad, i mean, its not always telling me what to do. its more like.... having someone to bounce ideas off of. like when i'm thinking but get stuck, it kinda jumps in and moves things along. i just hate telling my doctor, although i do, because she just gives me more drugs. and ive tried other doctors, but im sick of all the meds man

 

You sure this isn't just internal dialog that maybe you weren't aware of before taking acid?


Oh! and welcome to the forums...

 

not sure. maybe. but what i hear definitely arent my own thoughts. i mean, i know its my mind doing the talking, but its not like self talk where the thoughts are connected. theyre definitely hallucinations, and maybe one day theyll go away, but for now they're just a cure to my loneliness

 

and thanks for the welcome!

 

Welcome!!!!!

 

thank you!

 

Fundamentally, medicine should exist to improve the quality of life for patients.

Your doctor may have a mentality of voice=disease, therefor disease must be eradicated with more drugs.

You might want to communicate to your doctor and to your therapist that you think you are being over medicated.

If you are at risk for doing things that are bad for you based on the voice that you hear, then there is a reason to give you drugs that make the voice go away.

If the voice is not bothering you, drugging the voice out of you completely may be unnecessary.

You might also want to check out acupuncture and chinese herbal medicine (though if you do the herbs, it's important for your doctors to know what herbs you are taking, and for the herbalist to know what drugs your are taking).

This can be expensive though, so it's important to weigh the costs of this against the benefits.

 

Welcome.