I’ve seen it used and abused here and other places, “Nice Guys finish last”. There is a lot of talk about the “Nice Guy syndrome and how the nice guy is trying to use friendship and doing the right thing to work his way into a sexual relationship. It has even been suggested that the “nice guy” is trying to guilt you into having sex with him. People will even think that the nice guy is really deceptive and not forthcoming with what he is really after, or that maybe he is using his niceness to trick you. It has even be said that nice guys expect a reward for being nice. There is quite a bit of negative criticism about the nice guy and yes THAT nice guy does finish last. But let’s put all that aside for just a minute and think with a clear un-biased view for just a minute. Try and forget any perceived view you may or may not have about nice guys, because I’m not sure that the above description fits all nice guys. In my opinion a “nice” guy is not that guy trying to deceive you into having sex and trick you with his nice demeanor. He is not slipping under your radar screen by giving you flowers and then slipping a hand under your skirt. A true nice guy is the one that respects others, he puts the needs of others in front of his own. He is actually there to provide that shoulder to cry on when life beats you down. He don’t expect you to screw him, he doesn’t need a BJ to be fulfilled. The nice guy will give you a hug when you need one and he will give you space when you need it. He will be there waiting when you are ready and he will be there for you when you aren’t ready. He goes into life with no expectations beyond making a good friend. He believes in respect and he knows to get respect first you have to give it. He will open his arms and his heart to give you that hug and make you feel safe and secure when the wolves are howling at your door. I was raised to be a nice guy. My Mom and Dad taught me to respect others, to put their needs before my own. To be strong for others so that they can have a shoulder to cry on. Be compassionate and have a genuine concern for the pain of others. I was taught about forgiveness and I learned how to forgive and forget. I understand that people get hurt by others and they will lash out at the ones closest to them. So you let them lash and then give them the hug and strength that they need. The nice guy is the guy that is there for you to share your happiness, he is there to celebrate the joy in your life but he is also there to grief with you, he is there during the times of darkness to provide that support you need. He ask for nothing in return. My Mom always refereed to me as “John Boy” some of you may get that reference and others may not. One thing though about being that nice guy is that you are there for everyone else, you look to their needs before your own, and you ask nothing in return. But let me ask, who is there for the nice guy? Who is in his corner when all his energy is spent and life has beat him down? While you may bash him or make fun of him for being that “nice guy” just take a minute and ask what if he is sincere? So do nice guys finish last? I have spent a lifetime giving hugs and lending that shoulder to cry on, being that strong nice guy who is there when you need him the most. I’ve been that nice guy that keeps his emotions in check so as not to burden you with his problems. I can lay my head down at night knowing that I have done my best to treat all with respect. But I am still alone lost within myself. So do nice guys finish last? I know my answer.
i've never really understood why a guy being nice and also wanting good things to happen in his own life necessarily means he is only pretending to be nice specifically to trick people into doing good things for him. but that becomes the result of this conversation every single time.
I think it really depends on what combo you have ie: Nice and funny= win, nice and clever= win etc nice and that's all you have= lose!
Perhaps be nice without expecting anything in return. Or maybe don't be nice. Its up to you. Finish what??? I'm sure many deep down feel that way regardless of whether they're nice or rude. And they do whatever they can to cover up that feeling. Nobody need be there for you. You have yourself, that's all you need.
actually it does kind of make sense. most people are scumbags and just can't comprehend why someone would do something for someone else without an ulterior motive.
the thing about consideration is that it isn't about yourself. there's no guarantee you'll personally get anything out of it. but doing it anyway, being considerate is its own point, because the kind of world we all have to live in, as long as we live, the quality of that experience is directly the result of how considerate people are. not just of each other individually, but of all things in general. so if people don't want to be considerate because it might not directly and immediately benefit themselves, well of course the can do that, nothing stops them, but if they do, if people choose to be not considerate, for whatever reason, then they really have no room to cry about the kind of world they create that way, turning around and biting them. which again, maybe nothing is inevitable, but there's a statistic. there's some things a whole lot more likely then others. and another name for that is karma, and not even a god can expect to get out of it. because its not a personal thing. its not some awareness passing a judgement. its just how statistically reality works.
Pretty good OP al dente. I'd like to add if I may. Part 1 I see this "Nice Guy syndrome " play out at work every day with this very attractive woman who has an amazing bumpkin ass. You can just see how all these male co-workers want her. They give her attention, follow her around at work, take break with her, help her whenever possible. <(This is where the "bad" Nice Guy syndrome begins) These "Nice Guy" male co-workers are over pursuing her like puppies, waaaay to needy trying to get attention from her by the minute and always her doormat. I listen to their approval seeing conversations with her and it makes me smh. Wtf
Part 2 It's perfectly fine to be a nice guy in a friendship with a woman. I have a few of these. I don't want a sexual relationship with them. However, they want a sexual relationship with me. I let them know that I just want to be friends. They choose weather or not to stay friends with me or leave. I'm fine either way. In the other spectrum, it's the same. It's perfectly fine to be a nice guy wanting a sexual relationship with a woman. I have a few of these as well. I let the woman know that I'm interested in dating her up front. If she wants a friendship instead, I let her know that I'm not interested in a friendship and I walk away forever. This is where the magic happens As the nice guy she knew, the woman I was sexually attracted to, that just wanted to be friends earlier, reaches out to me weeks or a month later. She texts " Hi Pete, hru? Wut you been up to? " I assume she wants to see me. As the nice guy that wants a sexual relationship, I'll suggest dinner plans, dancing plans, and after hours drink plans. The woman automatically knows that these are date plans being made. She can say no to these plans or yes to these plans. If she says no, then I'll politely talk with her for a little bit, then leave the conversation and never again speak to her. Remember I'm not interested in a friendship and I clearly send that message to her so she's not confused. Now if she says yes to my date plans, I continue being the nice guy she remembers. I pick her up, open doors for her, listen to her speak, dont interrupt, let her ask questions about me, ask her questions about her, some playful banter back n forth, I pay the bill (it was my date). During the date , me as the nice guy, I'm trying to read if she's attracted and really interested in me. If I think she is interested, I'll go for the kiss. If I get the cheek, she's not interested. As the nice guy, I won't waste my time or hers and go out on another date. She clearly wants a friendship. I walk away forever. If I go for the kiss and she accepts. Making out happens, I as the nice guy, will continue to make more dates with her in the future and treat her the same as I have since she's know me. As the nice guy
Part 3 Since the woman I'm dating clearly knows I'm a nice guy, I dont allow myself to become these bad things that aren't in my nature with being a nice guy: Needy Approval seeking Jealous Disrespectful Pretentiousness Self conscious Self serving ^ A nice guy is none of these up here. A nice guy are these down here v He stays in his center, lives in abundance with women ( friends and sexual relationships) and is overall happy with his life. He makes people laugh n smile. He's respectfully honest with his feelings about everyone and every situation. He listens and gives advice when asked for it, He's willing to walk away from anyone at any time to maintain his own respect. He can identify users and abusers easily and walks away forever. As a nice guy, when it comes to relationships, I confidently finish first everytime........ As a nice guy, when I comes to the bedroom I choose to finish last.
Treat them mean, keep them keen, is really not true for most. Champ you have always been nice to me. So I like you. They say we all have a number on our back, it is finding your matching number. xxx
Nice doesn't mean lack of confidence, or doormat-ish. I think many people confuse nice guys with doormats but I've never viewed them like that.
Don't be a nice guy be a good guy. Buddah said you can not do a good deed and expect a reward. It has become a translocation. Doing the right thing is its own reward. The nice guy thinks his manners have bought him the women's attention. When you like a women you treat her as a lady. All the open car doors and fancy dinners means she owes you something. Women are not stupid. They can often tell when a male friend wants more and they don't want to lead men on. Maybe this is why a lot of women even on a romantic date don't like expensive things right away. A lot of examples of nice guys have them pressuring female friends. She knows he's a decent guy and he's kind of shy and awkward so I will excuse his creepy pressure because I know him. Men need to be OK with being friends. If you love her too much to accept that maybe she should not be in your life at all. It would be really hard to see with other men and as a friend she will want to share her life so you will see it. I think it's OK to let her know how you feel but you have to accept the truth. It also does not help that the nice guy community has a large overlap with MGTOW values. They want to control a women because they are the man and that is what men do. Women don't want to date men like that. You think you are a nice guy but you are really a creepy misogynist. Genuinely nice people do get dates.
