The Lonely Hobo

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by RagingDosh, Jan 17, 2009.

  1. RagingDosh

    RagingDosh Guest

    The Lonely Hobo
    A poem from RagingDosh

    Quietly shivering, outcast by society,
    Longing for a cup of tea,
    In his box, Cold and soggy,
    Unable to feed his dirty doggy.

    Bushy beard, ingrown toenails,
    eating nothing but squashed snails,
    long, dirty, greasy hair,
    same old skidmarked underwear

    Not having proper meals,
    people dont care how he feels,
    Sniffing coke, taking drugs,
    getting harrassed by countless thugs.

    BO lingers from his clothes,
    Tears run down his mucky nose.

    Please, once read this, tell me what your opinions are, as this is my first piece of poetry
     
  2. Spiritchalist

    Spiritchalist Member

    It's ok. You might be relying on the rhyming scheme too much, and it's a bit simple, but not too bad for a first piece.
     
  3. Wiseman

    Wiseman Senior Member

    Yeah, like spiritchalist said, the piece may be a bit dependent on the rhyme scheme. Try writing a free form prose or something on the same topic. I'm curious what the outcome will be.
     

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