The Invisible Dance

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by innocentpoison333, Aug 16, 2005.

  1. The Invisible Dance

    I’m dancing for you My Love
    Do you see how light I am on my feet?
    Watch me twirl My Dear
    So I may fall in defeat.

    Do you notice how I stare?
    Do you see the roses in my hair?
    I wore my dress of red
    I thought it would turn your head…

    Look my way Love
    Can’t you see me through the crowd?
    Should I be screaming out loud?
    My feet are aching…my heart breaking


    I dance so divine
    Mayhap I need be more refine?
    Is the color of my dress too red?
    I feel as if I am losing my head.

    The girls surround you
    Flock to be by your side
    They press their hands upon your chest
    But it is I who loves you best.

    I am starting to feel dizzy
    And I fear I’m getting weak
    My mind is going crazy
    Do you admire my physique?

    My feet now bleed
    Tears clouding my view
    I stretch my arms out
    To You

    I stand alone now
    Twirling in circles
    My feet bleeding on the floor
    But still I dance some more

    My dress is torn
    And those lovely roses…
    Have fallen from my hair
    I am in despair

    I keep dancing though on this bloody floor
    Although you chose to ignore,
    I promise to dance forever
    Until you take notice and adore
     
  2. citrus_seas

    citrus_seas Senior Member

    very cool..i like the imagery alot. I get a sense of colors and sounds, and the colors of sounds, and the sounds of colors. Very far-out
     
  3. mariecstasy

    mariecstasy Enchanted

    wow, that was fantastic....i so thoroughly felt the shift in hope to dispair and it made my heart bleed to.....hope is a wonderful emotion unless it gives you a false sense of reality...
     
  4. sylvanlightning

    sylvanlightning Prismatic Essence

    Thank you for this joyful honoring of Self.
     
  5. TrippinBTM

    TrippinBTM Ramblin' Man

    Well, some of the rhyming was forced, some parts didn't rhyme, and the rhyme scheme wasn't consistent. Nonetheless, I really liked the poem. The emotion is really coming through, the love, then the broken heart.
     
  6. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

    I have mixed feelings about it
    I liked the inconsistence
    I did not like how forced some of the rhymes seemed
    I liked alot of the imagery but some things seemed they could have been emphasized more

    but overall it was pretty good
    keep at it
     
  7. shaba

    shaba Grand Inquisitor

    I think you made it longer than you had to. But the starting was brilliant, keep writing!
     

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