There will be no mention of the "xmas" word until at least December the 20th in my house! I see it's already had an airing in forums. Do you people not have a life?
Satan's anagram has begun outsourcing and the elf union is threatening to strike. It's getting ugly with the elves demanding 51% of the revenue. Negotiators have been working feverishly to preserve all 12 days of creche-mess but the holidaze have been put in jeopardy. Coincidentally, Mr. Kringle himself is under investigation for possible incidences of child molestation- some dating back for hundreds of years. Unconfirmed sources are quotes as saying that some of the surviving victims are working with attorneys in initiate legal action which may precipitate a class action lawsuit. The legal action may drag out for years. There are also active numerous inquiries pertaining to smuggling of illegal goods across borders and evading tariffs. Additionally two unnamed women, claim to have been raped by Mr. Claus.
North Pole (CNNN) Is the Christmas Empire about to crumble? If scores of unconfirmed reports prove true, this could be the beginning of the end for the secular outreach arm of Christianity accounting for a significant proportion of Christian church enrollments. "The Christmas season has shown itself to be invaluable as a recruitment tool" observed Cardinal Moe Lester of the Northern Territorial Archdiocese. "It will take a great deal of work to undo the damage this could have to our numbers if the allegations are proven. The scandal, which came to light a little over a week ago has evolved into a multi-faceted operation enlisting international law enforcement cooperation including the FBI, which recruited an agent afflicted with dwarfism to pose as an elf to gather information about the notoriously secretive Christmas operation amid numerous questions involving border security after Christmas wish lists from numerous middle eastern countries including Syria and Pakistan included items like baby dolls with remote control fuses and toy wagons loaded with yellow cake were honored. "Mr. Claus has long been on our terror watch list" an unnamed TSA official is quoted as saying but he added that "it's very difficult to keep track of an individual who isn't subject to screening procedures because of the chosen mode of travel." Law enforcement has its hands full as mountains of contraband may have been distributed to billions of households worldwide and enforcement efforts will likely be extended to those who inadvertently may have received stolen goods or other barred items. There is particular concern among officials in light of the annual evasion of established customs clearance procedures in place to protect the interest of the country. "The sheer magnitude of violations makes this a most serious matter" the official said. "This is unprecedented." An source within the Obama administration has promised an amnesty program for Americans who bring in possible contraband before April 1st of 2012; "No charges will be filed and no questions will be asked." he assured. What began as a sex scandal involving minors has grown exponentially- and threatens to take down the holiday season as we know it. Rumors have it that replacements are being interviewed as replacements in hopes that St Nick resigns- though he has refused to do so to this point- asserting that, "I have nothing to hide" during the one press conference given that raised more questions than answers. Retailers are scrambling in reaction to the possible loss of "black Friday"- a longtime shopper's boon that traditionally has carried two thirds of the domestic economy. Class action suits have been threatened if this precipitates the collapse of the consumer economy.
Well one good thing about thanksgiving and xmas is i have a better chance or scoring a holiday cookie or two. MUAUAHAHAHAHA ;D
@ Stinkshoes , Christmas isn't Christian at all. In truth and to be quite honest with everyone it is a very pagan tradition holiday. I'm starting to feel like the new PressedRat around here.
It would be important to note that I'm only delving into facts when they are convenient to my parody. Thank you for playing.
North Pole (CNNN) Radio personality Rush Limbaugh was abruptly escorted from Christmas, Inc early Friday after an altercation with an elf. Limbaugh, who is widely known as the host of a nationally syndicated radio talk show, was being considered as a replacement for Santa Claus, the embattled CEO of Christmas, Inc. The incident arose during a conversation Limbaugh was having with Saul Shortman, who is the union steward for the World Expanded Ecclesiastical Brotherhood of Laboring Elves (WEEBLE). Shortman was quoted as saying that Limbaugh assaulted him after instigating a heated discussion over the current labor situation. "He shoved me back and said, 'get out of my sight you liberal scum'". Shortman was not seriously injured during the incident and it was unclear whether charges would be filed against Limbaugh, who was unavailable for comment. This was just the latest in a bizarre series of events that began with a single accusation of child molestation against Claus, who is in conference with a team of lawyers plotting out a strategy that likely will include his resignation. Limbaugh had been considered as a replacement. "We can safely strike him from the list now" an unidentified official is quoted as saying subsequent to the incident. When asked why Limbaugh, who has a long and controversial track record both as a radio personality as well as a short lived television personality he responded that "Rush seemed to be a good fit for the role" The official added that "he (Rush) could probably muster up enough good spirit for just one annual sleigh ride". He added that considering his history with medications, \Limbaugh would probably be able to handle the preparation both Santa and the reindeer take just prior to the yearly delivery trip- "It's a bit like No-Doze on steroids.. a bit hard on the deer though". He mused that often the sleigh returns from its trip with one or two dead reindeer. "We often celebrate New Years with a venison dinner" It will take more than a feast to make the best of the current situation though as a long revered holiday seems to be in jeopardy. Innocence seems to be lost forever as the eleventh hour approaches.
The date was taken from the Pagens, but the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ.....well, thats about as Christian as you could get.
Aw, man. The best part about Christmas is the time leading up to it. Once it's the 25th, it's like it's all over. I was at the mall yesterday and they already have the place decorated for Christmas, and a big huge Christmas tree up, with Santa there too. And it is (was) only November 12. lol Idk, I'd say the Christmas season really starts on Black Friday.
well, someone has to state commonly known facts as though they're some great revelation, and i haven't seen PR around lately.
am i the only one that doesn't care? haha only thing annoying for are those big blow-up decorations people sometimes have on their lawns, they're so ugly. can't u just put lights up and call it a day? im not gonna celebrate xmas this year at all. no gifts for anyone!!! :devil:
T'was the night before Christmas but after the party Jolly St. Nick Had hit the sauce hearty A keg freshly emptied his liver was stew when the calendar date struck him- t'was quarter till two. He thought of those brats all snug in their beds with something but moonshine tap dancing their heads Mamma with seltzer and a faint rum aroma had just settled down for a long winter's coma When out front by the mailbox there rose such a clatter I sprang from my puking to see what's the matter Away toward the window I flew in a flash tripped over drunk Howard and fell with a crash I crawled to the window and looked to the snow And saw the drunk santa still quite aglow And what to my bloodshot eyes should appear but a carnage of sleigh and tangled reindeer With the bearded old driver as soused as a hick Was doubled over- I watched him get sick He burped and he blustered -bloodshot eyes aflame and stammered and tried to remember each name "On Comet, on Cubit, on Lysol", he stammered... He'd remember the handles if he wasn't so hammered So up to the rooftop the snow caravan flew a sleigh full of empties and St. Nicholas too and then yellow tinkling I heard on the roof from a beer-swollen bladder of the Christmas-lush goof The old Christmas lush had hit his brick wall and brought to reality by the officer's call "Step away from the sleight keep both hands in sight" He had little patience for weirdos that night He staggered to the ground and gave it his best But miserably failed his sobriety test Cop read him his rights and placed him in cuffs Towed the red sleigh, cofiscating his stuff So if on Christmas morn no gifts can be found Just drive to the precint, you'll find them downtown
