The Dog House

This is a question mainly directed toward the Ladies, although I'm sure some men here may have experience that qualifies them for input. Hehe..

My fiancé is a great guy but he's recently done a couple very stupid things, which cannot go ignored and right now he's in the "doghouse". I find it difficult to keep him there for any lengthy period (the longest is a few hours), because I always end up giving in to his sweet nature and cries for mercy. Haha that sounds a bit exaggerated. I get over things very quickly and have a difficult time following through with problem solving, because I'd rather soon forget than carry it on. Anyway, in all seriousness, I would like to know if some of you use the "doghouse" method and how. What sort of treatment would warrant the doghouse and what does the "punishment" entail?

 

No I don't. It doesn't solve any problems. It's pointless to avoid them. If he's done something you don't approve of, or vice versa, it is best to just get it out there and talk about it. Let him know how you feel about it, work through it together then put it behind you. Never bring it up again if you have honestly worked through it. The silent treatment does nothing but create distance between you. If you are a quick forgiver that is great but you still need to make sure he knows how his actions made you feel so he will think twice about doing it again.

 

I agree with you for the most part, and I would prefer not to use the doghouse method. Except, he's told me (and proven by his actions) that he only starts to "get it" once he's been shocked. So unfortunately that usually means I need to escalate the issue somehow.

 

'This is a question mainly directed toward the Ladies, although I'm sure some men here may have experience that qualifies them for input. Hehe...'

Why is it mainly be directed at women?

Are you suggesting men don't put women in the 'doghouse' or that most men are put in the 'doghouse'?

Are you essentially talking about sulking?

 

Hmm, I don't know what to tell you then. Communication has worked for us for 17 years and we've only had 2 1/2 real fights. I'll stick with my method. You can stick with yours. Good luck with that.

 

Hmm I don't usually wind up in the doghouse hehe so it didn't occur to me. I'm pretty good about addressing his concerns when he has them. And I'm not sure I could apply your methods to our situation but if you have suggestions let me know

 

My dog wasn't listening to me today so I hollered at him and told him got go to his house.

 

happilyinlove

What were the couple very stupid things?

I would prefer you not to quickly get over it if it warranted me being in the 'doghouse' - especially if it wasn't just one of those arguments all couples have from time to time.
If it is serious, I would prefer you to take it seriously.
If it's an arbitrary 'in the dog house' anytime he does something 'stupid'...
I think you need to find another fianc...only kidding.
Yeah, talking through it SERIOUSLY tends to work with most reasonable people.
Boring, I know.

I suppose if you are treating him like a 'dog' he might need to be 'trained'!

 

NICE!!!! :2thumbsup:

 

Well it's quite embarrassing but I'll explain to the best of my ability. I'll start off by saying that we're very sexual and spend a minimum of 2 hours per day / session in the bedroom. This doesn't include the mid-night (could be 4am) romp or whatever. He's always been the most amazing lover which includes exploring our fantasies and sometimes kinkier/darker sides of sexual gratification. Recently though, I've felt more like an object than a part of the action because he seems to be putting his needs and desires first / I haven't felt like we were on the same page almost like he was neglecting me emotionally. He's a very emotional man and usually really attentive so this usually isn't a problem and has only been happening within he last couple/few weeks. So there's that (which I have mentioned to him a couple of ways). And then there's the fact he has been pushing anal sex lately which I really don't want to do. I'm not a big person, he's a lot bigger than me and it's just not something I want to do. At all. I like the psychological idea of it, but physically its just not appealing. Even so, we have tried it and after the deed he tried to get me to give him a blow job. This might not sound too horrible but I find that so degrading and offensive. He was in a euphoric trance when he asked for it, so I get it but he got there because of the gradual distance over the last couple weeks. He's apologized several times but I'm offended that he would ask me to do something so dirty (and I mean clinically / hygienically filthy).

 

IMO, those are definite communication topics, not doghouse situations. Obviously I don't know you at all so I don't know your personality but when you say you've mentioned it a couple of different ways it makes me think maybe you are passive/aggressive. (I could be totally wrong here) Like you are hinting around to him and you want him to understand what you mean without having to say it. Have you actually sat him down while you are NOT having sex and said exactly what you mean to say? Have you made it clear to him how you feel about it and NOT when you're in the moment? That is exactly how I would handle that situation.

The thing with guys is putting them in the "doghouse" usually doesn't work because most of the time they either don't know why they are there because you haven't told them. Or they don't care because that just means you aren't nagging them about something. Ignoring guys doesn't usually work.

 

Oh! So, it has nothing to do with not emptying the dishwasher then?

I'm not sure why you have put him in the 'doghouse' if you don't mind him exploring his fantasies and sometimes kinkier/darker sides of sexual gratification.
If he has apologised, that should be enough, imho.
Especially during later sex sessions he hasn't pushed or felt like he was pushing something onto you that you were not comfortable with.
Perhaps you are a little more prudish than you think, and he isn't.
It's just a little imbalance, perhaps.
It's seems like you have discovered something about him that offends you, and you are shocked - maybe that you didn't know him as well as you thought, perhaps.

This 'training' may involve telling him in ADVANCE what you are and are not comfortable with - exploring ALL the sexual variations that you BOTH can think of.
Holding off from the sex for a few days, maybe...(not as 'punishment', but as a bit of a breather)

 

Haha no I haven't sat him down to discuss it. I hate doing that, because when there is harmony in the house I like to keep it that way. I have the tendency to let it out more passive aggressively over time. I could work on more direct communication though I did tell him I felt he was being selfish in bed I probably should have had more of a conversation than passing nag about it before it snowballed.

 

*chuckle* I just looked that up on the urbandictionary

 

I think being passive/aggressive creates more tension than just sitting down and talking about it. I'm not saying you have to fight or yell about it. Just talk like 2 adults. "When you do (this) it makes me feel like (this)" type conversation. I know it sounds lame but I promise it works. You said he's your fiancé so you must be planning on spending a good portion of your life with him. You need to get the communication part worked out. It's THE most important part of marriage. My best friend is passive/aggressive. Her and her husband have been together 20 years and I feel like they are always on the verge of divorce because they won't actually talk about their problems. They just make nasty comments to each other all the time. They actually threaten each other with divorce all the time because they have a mountain of problems that they refuse to deal with. It's not a healthy way to go about things. Just think about having a real conversation.

 

:rofl:




OP, to answer your question, I don't use the doghouse method with my partners. We talk problems out like mature humans. If they don't want to talk about and resolve issues, then they can GTFO.

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, totally different meaning than how she meant it. hahahahahahaa. I'm cracking up!

 

Yeah I think I'm a little shocked/worried about not knowing he would want me to do something so nasty. I've had a lot of comfort trusting him, and this is so shocking it is like shaking me, almost as if I'm asking if I really know him! I just need to calm down.

My best friend also said she would never suck a mans penis after it's been used on her backdoor. We both agreed that its fine to suck after having been in the love canal and that my man has probably been watching too much porn. Hahaha.

 

I agree with you, I would prefer to talk it out. I am a talker in general I like to confront issues. Both sides have to agree this is the preferred method though. When I sit down to talk with him, it goes in one ear and out the other. He grew up with a mother that yells and is really quite abrasive so thats what he responds to if it makes any sense.

 

Put me in the doghouse and I'll keep walking and won't come back. You are not my master and I will NOT be belittled like a little bitch.

The only way to squash the problem is to sit down like adults and lay your cards on the table. Find a solution that suits both parties and move on.