The Continuation...

Of the drama of DancerAnnie's life...

So, as most of you read. I am/was pregnant. I miscarried and now am having to deal with this alone. I sort of resent the baby's father, because he didn't really want to have the kid...almost makes me feel like this is what everyone wanted, except for me. Not the miscarriage, per se, but just not having the child at all.

It's pretty painful, both emotionally and physically, and even more difficult when I have some people in my life almost laughing in my face about it (not the baby's father, mostly just my most recent ex).

That's not to say that I do'nt have an amazing support system. I am so blessed and so grateful for the people I do have in my life, but the one person that I wish was here to help me through this isn't...and that makes me resent him even more (i.e. the baby's father)...it's not his fault that he lives over 2 thousand miles away...or maybe it is?

I don't know. I'm all mixed up, sad, confused, angry, hurt...so many things.

But everything happens for a reason right?

 

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this without the support you deserve. It's a tough way to learn about the people around you.

 

): I am sorry you are going through that. I miscarried when I awas 20 and it was tough. It gets easier with time-I promise. How far along were you?

 

Yes you certainly learn who truely cares about you in this world during circumstances such as these. The baby's father has been reachable by phone through all of this, but it's not the same as having the comfort of him next to me. For the most part everyone has been very loving and supportive...but I didn't realize there were people out there with as much hatred and anger towards me that they would actually be HAPPY about it...maybe HAPPY is the wrong word...possibly satisfied?

 

Awww I'm so sorry sweetie..... wow... (((hugs)))

 

I had a miscarriage when I was 19 too..it's the same feelings all over again...the only thing that is different is that I was in a relationship back then...I'm not now....so I really am dealing with this alone...

I was 9 weeks.

 

): I am sorry Annie.

Have you cut ties with the father? Is this the guy who was an artist?

 

The father of the most recent child and I are still talking...he's helping me out as much as he can over the phone. He lives out in California. The artist is the ex that is being a jackass about all of it...

I told you my life is dramatic. I don't even mean it to be either.

 

I know. You seem like such a chill person. Things just happen. I bet the artist ex is just really jealous.

 

Somehow he just HAD to say that he's done with "girls" like me and that he has a "woman" now...someone "with their head on straight"...

Apparently he thought I'd be jealous...I've got bigger fish to fry.

Did you know that I'm also a slut and I deserve what I get?

Yeah...a real winner, man.

 

It's like that saying-we're only a whore when we're not their whore anymore. If he was really over you and happy he wouldn't feel the need to fill you in on the details of his new relationship.
I was with somone who would continously follow me around on the internet and inform me of his new relationship. After time it became so amusing I printed it all out at my friend's house one drunken night for our personal amusement. I let him know this too. I have no shame when it comes to what I find comedic value in.
The deserve what you get thing is awful. What a dick! I was sexually assaulted by a family member and was in an abusive relationship afterwards. the guy told me that I prob lied about it or iniated it...what a fucking winner. Do you ever just think of all the time you wasted with these total losers? I get so mad at myself sometimes that I dated that low and stayed so long!

 

Oh sweetheart, I'm so very sorry. If you need to talk, please, don't hesitate to PM me.

Much love and healing...

 

I try not to think about all that time I wasted on people like that...or how many tears I've cried because of them either. But you can't always help who you fall for...and I feel I always learn something from any kind of relationship I am in at any given time.

Thank you HCM. I may do that...I appreciate your kind words, love, and support.

 

That's a good way to look at it. Everything does happen for a reason and maybe the reasons for the not such great catches I dated were to lead me to better chapters in my life and to go for traits that are more compatible to my own. It's still not hard to think ya know 'i may be further along in life if I didn't allow (and essentialy it is my fault because it was my choice to stay in these relationships) these relationships to flourish even after that first realization I had early on, where I knew they weren't right for me. You're an awesome person Annie and are so damn insightful. Your ex missed out-big time.

 

Awww, thanks

But, I broke up with my ex...which is why he's acting the way he is, I think...so I know he's missing out and he knows he missing out...and I think that's where the anger comes from.

Now if I can only get the other guy to see how wonderful I am. LOL...I think he does...but just doesn't know what to do with me...especially after all of this stuff that has happened between us with the baby and everything...now we don't really know what to do from here...because we had all these plans and now...they all have to be changed again.

 

What you women have to deal with truly amazes me.Men are such fuck-heads a lot of the time.One thing you learn in these relationship scenes is what you WON't put up with next time.I'm very sorry this happened to you.This too shall pass(but it's a bitch now.Stay strong.-------scratcho-----

 

You're welcome.

Anytime, anytime.

Much love...

 

wow i'm so sorry.. i haven't been on here much so i don't know any background besides what you've written here but, i'm sorry you're going through this and i hate that pregnancy seems to complicate things and just make shit worse when it's supposed to be a happy thing right? i hope things work out with the new guy and your relationship only grows stronger because of this. you always seemed like a very strong person so i hope you wont let others' smugness get to you too much. i hope you have ppl you can just talk to, vent to, about all this too. that always helps a lot. of course i guess venting in random thoughts helps in the same way too, haha... god knows i've done it before

 

Yes, I have people in my life that have been so great during this whole process. I'm so grateful...and yes, this place helps too!

 

Hun I'm sorry to hear that. I know you don't know me that well... but if you do need someone to talk to I'm here for you if you need it.