The bastard...

We met last November, me and Rich. We were casual friends, with a strong sexual attration to eachother. I ignored it though. I always had a boyfriend. Plus, he was kind of cocky and sarcastic. But he loved his dog. And his dog was sweet..he liked me.
We never acted upon our obvious attration to eachother all winter. I left for home when the ski season ended. I had planned on returning that fall, but decided to come back early, on june 30th.

My best friend courtney found us a house to move into with a friend of hers...turns out rich lives there too. well sort of. he owns a camper he parks in the driveway and pays for the electricity to it.

So, i'm single now...and rich lives with me. Expectedly, we slept together by the second day i was back. It was bound to happen. But it went too far...

He started asking me to be his girlfriend, telling me he loved me, and overall becoming obsessive with me...after only a couple weeks of sleeping together.
I kept telling him that I don't want a relationship, that I want to keep it "no strings". That's clearly a bad idea.
He started to become really moody and sarcastic, scathing even. I'd compliment him on something...and he'd say "...yea, as if you even care"
or "you don't give a shit about me"....or "this is pointelss"
He was obviously very frustrated and...just bitter.
And I do care! I just don't want to be exclusive with him. He just doesn't want to hear it.

So, he went out of town for a week to help a friend move into a new home.
He left his dog for me to watch over. One day the dog was leashed up outside and he ran away so fast he broke the coil that held his tags and locked him to the leash...he came back an hour later.
When Rich came back, he was in a much better mood. He was happy to see me, and vice versa. He came back on my birthday, Aug. 2nd, so he bought me a nice expensive bottle of liquor. We had a good night...but his dog had ran away that day...and got picked up by Animal Control. Rich got him out the next day.

Now, Friday...just two days ago...August 5...I had my birthday party. All my friends came over and we were having a great time.
Rich was being....different. He kept pulling my hair from behind me so hard that my head was jerked back....and he'd kiss me. I guess he thought it was sweet, but it was a little rough.
As the night progressed, I spent most of my time chatting with my friends, since it's so rare that we were all together at one time.
Whenever I looked over at Rich, his head was bent over in his hands...He looked upset. I didn't know why.

We ended up talking about his dog...he said that Animal Control had taken off his tags. I explained that no...he broke his own chain. Rich started getting louder and louder.
"IT'S A METAL COIL! HOW CAN HE BREAK THAT, LISA?! YOU LET HIM GO!"
People were starting to notice. I took him into the kitchen and showed him the tags. I had thrown away the bent up coil.
Still...he was livid. Now, lately he's been putting a huge thick metal chain leash on that dog...it's so heavy i cant lift the chain...and the dog can run full speed no problem with it. Tell me he can't break a little coil that holds tags onto his collar...

He didn't care. In his mind, I was at fault for something. As he started yelling louder, I stepped back...and back.

"DON'T BACK UP FROM ME!"
He shoved me accross the kitchen, then stormed off into the den.

Shocked, I ran to my room and slammed the door. Moments later, he entered my room. Scared...tears running down my face...I await his next action.

"Why did you just run away from me? What, did you do something wrong? You did break his chain! Why else would you run away?"

"Because you were yelling at me and you fucking PUSHED me."

I told him to sit down...tried to calm him down...it wasn't working.

"Why didn't you tell me he didn't have tags when the shelter picked him up for that night?"

I was answerless...I don't know why I hadn't told him...

I saw the hate in his eyes. I'll never forget that look. it was stone cold...

" you know i love you,' he said. "And you just don't give a shit. You don't give a FUCK."

Confused, I just looked at him...what did this have to do with it? everything i suppose...it was all just climaxing.

As he continued yelling, I just told him to stop. "I can't stand your attitude. I can't talk to you"

" So it won't work out anyways..whatever...bye"
He's delusional.

I run to courtney's room, crying and shaking. I was scared. "No way he's every going to hurt you like that. I'll be right back. Lock the doors"
I locked all the doors and windows but the front door.
Courntey went out to his camper...my friend James was in there watching a movie. " James if you want to sleep inside tonight you need to come inside now....and Rich..you never come in here again..and never touch Lisa again."

He hit her on the back of the head. "Well let's go get her! Let's see what she says!". He started for the front door. Courtney ran to intercept him. He pushed her onto the porch, slamming her head against the wooden posts.
Somehow she got in front of him again, this time, just inside the front door.

I heard screaming and ran down the hallway from her room. Then I saw it...Courtney on her knees, head bent down. Rich hitting her over and over.
Breathless, I stopped mid stride. He looked up at me. By the time he saw me, I was half way back down the hall. I grabbed my phone and locked myself inside the bathroom at the end of the hall.

Stammering, scared, and frantic, I called 911. I've never called 911...

Moments later, I walked back into the den...my friend Matt was holding Courntey, she was weeping...terribly. Matt had wrestled Rich out of the house. I didn't see that happen..i was in the bathroom.

By the time the police arrived, it was 3:30a.m. I scrambled to throw away the beer bottles. I was still in shock...I don't remember much...
As we wrote our statements and explained what happened...we both cried and shook uncontrollably. Rich was handcuffed in the patrol car. The last sight I had of him was Courtney's beating.

Courtney decided to press charges. They then asked if she was his girlfriend...no....I piped up " I sort of am..."
"Were you two intimate?" Humiliated, I said yes.
"Well since he pushed you two-handed, that's domestic abuse, and the state will file charges regardless." I was relieved but...overwhelmed...at everything.

His arraignment is tomorrow morning. If he makes bail, I'm sure he'll come to get his truck, camper, and dog...but that'll break the restraining order...

I've never been so scared in my life. I tried to take a bubble bath last night, and I kept hearing screaming...yelling...outside. I can't get it out of my head. It plays over and over and over.
Courntey literally took a beating...to protect me from him. And I love her for that. Yet, I feel guilty that she was the one to take it...I hate him for that.
I hope sitting alone in jail...he realizes that he has no one now...He's hurt the only one he "loved". He's ostracized himself.
The bastard...

 

wow...i am sorry to hear that babe....good to hear you and your friend are okay

 

is there any way you guys could get a friend to move his camper and dog, rather than him coming over? It's probably best to have an intermediary...

I'm so sorry for you, that's such a shitty situation. And kudos to your friend for being so amazing

 

Am I the only one tired of women complaining about bastards being bastards, after the event. Ok, babes, listen up. You KNEW this guy was an asshole, you slept with him because you were attracted to him...... precisely because he was an asshole, and, like thousands of women, you cannot help this, and probably even deny it to yourself.........BUT you then complain when your bastard acts like a bastard?!?! Duhhhh!!!

Here's a tip, Toots. Don't play with fire and then cry when you get burned. There are hundreds of nice guys out there that would treat you like a princess........but, they don't have that attraction for you, do they? Hmmmm?

You can hardly blame this dude for being what he is; an asshole. It is you, sweetie, that made the decisions you made. Learn from it. I bet all your friends are reallllllllllly impressed you slept with this loser, too. You made the choices that led to this, and maybe you should accept the responsibility of your actions?

 

He's a typical fucktard who gets all "redneck" when he doesn't get his way, apparently.

I had a friend like that back about 10 years ago, I told him that he was an asshole and that I wanted no part of his friendship (because of the way he acted toward other people). He said a few words to me and got "redneck", so I said, "Anytime, you want to cross that line, man. I'm here."

I hate violence. I think fighting over most things is completely ignorant. But, had he swung at me, I would have broken his pride right then and there...and he knows it.

 

whaaaaaaat????

I've read through all of that self absorbant bullshit above and only came to the conclusion that you're driving this guys nuts with your selfish nature.
Wise up and draw the line. You don't have sex with someone who wants more. - only if you're using him.

That story was just one long whinge with not a damn care for any other human being except yourself.

"ME ME ME ME ME"

you can't 'have your cake and eat it too'.

 

Accept the fact that the person I slept with beat the fucking shit out of my best friend and pushed me around as well???? I THINK NOT SHIT-FOR-BRAINS.

 

I can't believe replies like this. fuck you and you're stupid opinions. You're just as bad as him. I'm SELFISH????? What about me taking him to the ER when he burnt himself, which i didn't mention. What about me watching and caring for his dog while he was gone? What about me cooking for him and taking care of him while he was burnt? He said I didn't give a fuck, but JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO BE HIS "GIRLFRIEND" DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T FUCKING GIVE A FUCK!!!!! You don't know the FUCKING HALF OF IT SO SHUT THE FUCK UP. I HOPE YOU GET THE FUCKING SHIT BEAT OUT OF YOU!!! SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT! ASSHOLES. FUCK YOU ALL.

 

The dude was a psycho and wrong for beating her up.

Mind you, OP, you did ignore some serious warning signs.....

 

awwwww im sorry
my mom had a boyfriend like that but it never got that bad
its hard its really hard to leave something like that reagardless of how he acts
finally my mom had to call the cops to get him out of her home & he STILL has alot of her stuff..
you'll find a better boyfriend & if your friend isn't seriously hurt hopefully you guys could somehow look @ it as a learning experience?
i don't know i've never been in a realationship like that
my mom said shes just now pickin up her feet after about a month & things are getting looking up
i hope things turn out okay

 

---No One Deserves To Be Treated Like That, I'm So Sorry That You Went Through This, LittleOne...But Remember That All Things In Lyfe Can Be Learned From At Least, And It Seems To Me That You May Be A Better, Stronger Person Having Gone Through This : ) As For Tao~While You're Entitled To Your Opinion, I'm Also Entitled To Mine~And I Think You Need To Get A Grip. It Seems To Me (At Least) That The Guy She Was Involved With Has A Violent Disposition In The First Place...Secondly, If One Loses Control Of Themselves, They Are Solely Responsible For Their Own Actions~We're All Responsible For Ourselves ~ Whether We Lose Control For Some Reason, Or No Reason At All...This Guy May Need Some Help Dealing With Anger, And If He Does, I Hope He Gets It, And Good Luck To Him...And You : )

 

part of loving someone though, if he truly loved you is allowing you your own dance. doesnt sound like love but rather possessiveness.....and the wrong type of passion.
yeah, maybe you should not have slept with him....
but taoflipflower......you have never done anything that you shouldnt have done????
we can only control our actions, not others reactions....i hope you have gotten more than pain out of the situation and that you will walk away better and stronger because of the lessons you have been given a chance to learn and absorb....
much strength through your struggles.

 

IronGoth hit the nail on the head too..there were warning signs...its all live and learn as you go and now you know better in the future. Glad you all are ok and don't let that guy anywhere near you all again. I'm sure he will try to apologize and make his excuses, ect...

 

true gdh....but how often do we listen to the signs unless we have been put in a situation like that previous?

 

^^ written in invisible ink? ^^

 

ok but this bloke had no right hitting her, her mate. as far as i can see she has done nothing wrong, im sorry but guys do that all the time, only want a no strings relationship etc. but as soon as a woman does it its all her fault, yeah there were warning signs but but the way she is putting it they are only noticeable every few months, not everyday. littleone it wasnt your fault at all, and the people who think it was seriously needs to sort it out, what did she do wrong for her to be getting all this crap. she came on here to get encouragement so things might be ok not shit for some people. and the dude that was saying ohh sweetie but it is ur fault and things like that wtf so r u the kind of bloke that gets angry with ur g/f and says right swetie my hunny im gonna wallop u round the head now, and im not being a bitch about this take it from someone who has been there she needs supports now NOT shit

 

LittleOne, I was NOT your fault. Beaters are the ONLY ones at fault. People who say "You should have known better." Really are not aware of how difficult it is once one is IN a relationship, and often is scared to recognize the "warning signs." We all want to think of people's better aspects. When we love someone, it is even harder to see the truth about them. Don't let your fear cool off. It may allow you to let him back into your life. This NEEDS to be ended NOW. No more contact, not for any reason. He will only see it as a way to get you back in order to dominate you. (And people like this are really not capable of real love, they just want to OWN others.)

The dude abused his dog (no dog should be put on a heavy metal chain collar, in many states this is actually against the law as dog abuse) he abused you, and then beat your freind.

He WILL come back, try to make "nice" and if you accept him back (please please please don't) There will be a "Honeymoon" period of a few days to a few weeks, and then he will start, first by gettting easily annoyed, then by critizising you, then by "Playfully" HURTING you (to see how much you will take) and then by attacking you again. By the time he attacks again, you will be in DEEP once more. DO NOT LET HIM BACK, no matter how many promises he makes. I guarentee he will make them, he will be as sweet as can be, he will probably buy you and Courtney presents. Just to show "what a nice guy" he is, and how "It wasn't really my fault, if you had just listened to me, and did what I told you do, I never would have gotten mad."

But, honey, with abusers, you can NEVER please them, because they are not pleased with themselves and they get off on blaming others and hurting others. HE PROBABLY BELIEVES he is blameless. He will tell lies about how Courtney "made" him lose his temper, abusers ALWAYS blame their victims for "making" them do things. And he will do anything possible to "get you back." NOT because he loves you, but because he needs to CONQUER you.

Move on, sweetie. And don't leave the site, just because of the few assholes who know NOTHING ABOUT WOMYN.

Love and hugs,

Maggie

 

I have found in my vast experiences with domestic violence:

You don't see the true nature of someone untill you have lived with them. Some people can hide their violent nature while in courtship or just hanging out together.
They disguise themselves.

We don't see the evil intent in them bc we are not looking for it. We simply see what is presented to us. if they act decent to us how could we know of their intent, unless they show it to us. They are Masters of Disguise, we are victomized bc we do care.

Take his stuff to a place where he can pick it up and not be anywhere near you. Don't have contact with him in any way shape or form. Have someone else contact him about his stuff. Whatever he has of yours let him have it, it can be replaced, you cannot.
Learn and Grow from this lesson in life. Keep your eyes open for the signs. If you get a funny feeling in your 'Gut' listen to it. It is your Intuition speaking to your from a place of experience.

Brightest Blessing on your journey

In Love and Light
sh

 

Excellent advice, heifer. She needs to either also have someone else move his stuff, or take someone safe with her. Just in case he gets out early, and catches her alone. I'd hate to see what he might do.

 

Siver salamander makes a very relevant point
I hope people learn from him and avoid getting into situations like thelittleone got into