Sone of you mmight remember about 6 months ago I came on here and posted a letter that I had written to my parents telling them that I was bi. I posted this letter from the airport on the day that I left for Israel so that they got it a day or so after I was gone. It might seem like a cowards way out but I don't really care. I called them from Frankfurt airport after I'd been travelling for 36 hours. I talked to my mum and she'd received the letter. My mum has known since i was about 15 after she read my diary but we had quite a few arguments about it. First she thought it was just a phase then she was convinced that I was a lesbian and not bisexual blah blah blah. Anyway, she waiting a while to give it to my dad - a couple of days, the right time that sort of thing. She sent me an email however as soon as she got it basically saying that she was really proud of me and that she thought it was an excellent letter. I cried when I got that email. It worked out pretty well. I got a letter back from my dad after about a month or two of being in this country - it might seem like rather a long time to respond but a) it takes three weeks for letters and parcels to get here from new zealand and b) its something that needs to be thought about before being written down. My parents kinda needed time to process all of this sort of stuff. It was a good letter. Basically said all the things that you would want a parent to say - I still love you, this doesn't change anything, I was suprised but I definitely not angry yadda yadda yadda... All the mail was given out at lunchtimes so I got a letter from my dad right in the middle of lunch, ripped it open and read it. I then started crying right there and then.... it was a load off. We haven't discussed it since. But thats cos its really not relevant at the moment. I'm overseas and won't be back living with my parents for another 4 and a half months. Coming out is totally traumatic. Completely and utterly. There's so much uncertainty involved. but its worth doing. -Tamsyn Search for my posts in the gay forum and you might find the letter... or something. I dunno. If you're interested.
Aww Tams! I'm so happy for you! I remember that letter and wondering whatever happened with that. I'm glad it worked out in the end. I just came out to my brother this past weekend, unintentionally. I'll post that story later when I have time to sit and write. Anyway, it's great seeing you around here again. I haven't had my Tamsyn fix in a while. BTW, get your ass on messenger sometime so we can chat! I wanna hear some stories and I've got a few for you. Bri
that's really excellent...i'm really proud of you...that took quite a lot of guts...good luck with it all.
For those who might like to read the letter... Posted by Taylor on Jan 24th 2004, 12:16 PM [start] Finished letter to my parents. Yeah. My letter. I have to give it to them in a few hours. Oh jesus... It's 3 and a bit pages long. Freaky. -Tamsyn This wasn’t the way I really wanted to do this but I thought about other options and it did seem the best way, cowardly though it may seem. Now that I’m finally writing this letter it does seem hard to write. Hard to phrase things in the right way. But I suppose its good because at least I won’t be interrupted in my explanation. Perhaps the best way would to be just write it, straight out and honest. So that’s the way I’m going to go with explanation afterwards. I’m bisexual. This means that I’m attracted to both guys and girls. No it does NOT mean that I’m going to become a lesbian. No it does not mean that I’m going to ‘come to my senses’ and become straight. Now it does not mean I am some sort of slut and now this is not a phase. I am not a fan of words such as faggot, dyke etc. I’m not a lesbian as stated before. But I’m also definitely not straight. I like to use the word “queer” as a lot of the gay/lesbian/bi/trans/whatever community does as it seems to encompass everyone and everything. On a website when I was doing some research about “coming out to your parents” I found a list of questions which I figured were pretty good ones. So I’ve written them out and answered them as best I can. How do you know you are bisexual? Well, being attracted to both sexes was kind of a big clue. Yes, I have had boyfriends AND girlfriends. It’s not something that I can ignore. Are you sure you are bisexual? Yes. I’ve felt this way since I was 14 and I don’t believe it is a phase – if it was, it would have ended a long time ago. I honestly do not have a stronger preference for guys or girls… its pretty equal. Why do you want to be bisexual? No one WANTS to be bisexual/gay/lesbian/transgender/whatever. You just are. Frankly, it would be a lot easier on me if I WASN’T bi. I wouldn’t have to do this and I wouldn’t have to keep it a secret when I’m dating someone and I wouldn’t have to deal with the latent homophobia which permeates everything among the youth of today. But its how I am and I wouldn’t want to change it. How long have you been bisexual? I’ve known since I was 14. That’s when it “hit”. Thinking back, there were minor clues but nothing too strong. When did you first know you were bisexual? Almost 5 years ago now. Have you tried to change? No, not really. What is the point when I’m quite happy with who I am? It’s the keeping it secret bit I don’t like. I do not like not being able to express myself freely and that is why this letter is necessary. Have you tried being involved with someone of the opposite sex? Yes. And the same sex. I like both. That’s not going to change. Does this mean you hate or are afraid of men/women? Definitely not. Did I/someone do something that made you bisexual? Again, definitely not. Who made you bisexual? No one MADE me bisexual. I just am. I don’t know why. I don’t really care either – I just am. Are you happy? When I am free to be myself, yes, I am happy. The times I’ve been the most unhappy is when I’ve had to keep this to myself. It’s not something I want to do – honesty is so important and I don’t feel that this is anything to be ashamed of and hence, I shouldn’t have to worry about talking about it. Don’t you want children? Yes, I do want children. Whether I will be with a female or male partner when I have them is the uncertain bit. Do you think you’ll always be bisexual? Couldn’t this just be a phase? I very much doubt it will be a phase. If I was still 15, then perhaps yes it could be. But I’ve felt this way for almost five years now and it hasn’t changed. I don’t think it is going to. Have you told anyone else? My friends know. I came out at school. I’ve been attending a queer youth support group for the last two years including doing classroom visits to 3rd and 4th form health classes and explaining what its like to be a queer young person at the moment. I’m pretty open about who I am. I know Mummy knows through reading my diary a few years ago. Also over the last year I haven’t really made any big effort to hide what I do and what I am so it wouldn’t surprise me if Daddy had suspicions. But if not, I’m also not that surprised. Denial is a powerful thing. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? No, not currently. Why do you have to tell people? Because I feel that by hiding who I am, I am going to be helping homophobia in society. I do not feel that this is something which I need to be ashamed of and so I do not think that I should have to stay “in the closet” as it were, when I can be happier going out and about as an open, well-adjusted bisexual person. However I do understand the reservations that the two of you might have about me being “out”. Thankfully, over the years I have learnt some measure of subtlety and tact. I don’t throw it in peoples faces. However I won’t tolerate homophobia of any kind around me. It is not acceptable. What does being bisexual mean in this society? Unfortunately, being bi nowadays has rather a bad rap. Either people think that you’re a total slut and you’ll sleep with anyone or people think that you’re just sitting on the fence and are too scared to “make a decision” about who you’re really attracted to. Neither of these two scenarios is true with me. I am not a slut. And I know exactly who I’m attracted to. Gender is just not an issue with me. I’m not restricted by the fact that perhaps someone is a boy and someone else is a girl…. I don’t think it matters. What causes someone to be bisexual? I have no idea. Don’t really care who someone is attracted to so long as they are happy with who they are. Can bisexual people be cured? Why would you cure something that isn’t a sickness or a disease? Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Cos I didn’t want to. Cos I knew it would be an “issue” to the two of you and would require a discussion with a lot of questions coming from you to me and frankly, I’m sick of questions. I get asked them too often. Also, I thought that just in case you guys were less then positive about it, I’d leave it alone. I didn’t want to deal with disapproval from the two of you about an issue that really isn’t anything to do with you. I’m going to live the life that makes me happy no matter what. That statement applies to more then just this issue as well. Why are you telling me now? Because I am sick of feeling like I’ve got to hide what I do around you. I don’t want to say, “I’m going out with friends” when I’m really going out to meet my girlfriend. I don’t want to have to lie anymore. When I come back from Israel, I’m going to be honest about who I am and who I’m with and I don’t want to have to deal with the two of you making faces or being disapproving – I’m giving you a year to get over this. I also feel that the two of you have a right (albeit rather a small one) to know what is going on in my life – its not going to make a lot of difference to me whether you approve or not, I’m just giving you the chance to really think about it in relation to me. This is the scariest thing I’ve ever had to do. Hopefully you will take it well… or at least not too badly. I love you both very much Tamsyn Hopefully it will do the trick. [end of file]
reading the letter for the second time... it was a good one. onya taylor. hope its all good for you now
