Alright heres the deal... I'm a 17 year old living with my dad. My parents seperated when I was really young and he's never really gotten the chance to take part in my upbringing (Summers and every others on vacations) so I dunno if this would play a part in whats going on or not. The circumstances of my recent move, to put simply, was me being kicked out by my step dad for drugs. Well the first month or so with my dad was ok. Everyone was pretty much shocked as hell to find out how deep my rabbit hole went so I guess that was a period of coping or something. But as of recently hes developed a very hostile attitude toward me. He usually sounds very irritated when talking to me and gets fed up hyper quick. Small things are setting him off like silverware in the kitchen sink. We live in a one bedroom apartment but we make the best of the situation and dont crowd each other much. I first started to notice his hostillities when my brother came up to visit. About this time also he began to see a new woman who has an 11 year old kid. They've been seeing each other for about 3 weeks now and last week my dad asked me what I thought about us moving into a house with them. I told him straight up I thought it was a bad idea since they don't even know each other yet but he kept trying to get me to say it was about the kid. Well the next day he told me they decided against it cause he wants to focus on whats good for me and my last year of high school. Well I found out a couple of days ago that he had lied to me about that, like just flat out lied. Everyone was over here and I was sleeping and due to traffic between the rooms (one bedroom remember) I kinda came too... And heard that they had a place picked out already. That didn't snap me awake as much as hearing that we were moving on my birthday. It doesnt bug me that he's decided to move in with her, just the fact he would lie to me about something as trivial as this. It hasn't slipped his mind either because he's careful not to say anything about moving around me. Another thing I've noticed is that he seems to be spending a lot of time with her kid, like... I dunno... Bonding or something. That kinda gets to me considering how little he talks to me about much more then politics or issues in the familly... Am I just being a typical angsty teen or is something up?
I agree that it is real shitty that your father can't be honest with you about something as major as MOVING. Have you said anything to him about it, yet? If not, you need to talk to him. Tell him you heard him talk about it. If he expects you to be honest with him, he needs to set a good example and be honest as well.
ok, take this to heart. You're the kid, he's the dad. It's really not your decision whether he moves in with this chick or not - he was being polite to ask your opinion in the first place. Apparently, you were quite definite in your disapproval of him. I asked my kids opinions when I was thinking about having mracamper move in, but ultimately it is MY life. We had only been seeing each other about a month also, but I knew we would make each other happy. We have been together 18 months and married almost a year now, and are still making each other very happy. The advantage of being older - I know what I want in my mate. My kids aren't gonna be with me forever, they will grow up and go on their merry way and I'll be left sitting here in a houseful of cats.... well, figuratively, cuz I really don't have any cats in the house, but ya know what I mean. Actually, my friend Peaches helped me decide to tell him to come and live with me - she said, 'sometimes you gotta go out on a limb, cuz that's where the fruit is.' So your dad won't talk to you except about politics or family issues? How many subjects do you bring up with him? When he has to go to the grocery/auto parts/home fix it store, do you say, can I tag along? My son is 11 (goin on 30), he jumps at the chance to ride to the gas station to get a pack of cigs with my hubby. So maybe it's not a trip to the beach, but it is a few minutes that they get to spend together goofin around. And sometimes he gets a slurpee, a side benefit of hangin with dad.
Lunacy, I am sorry you are going through so much lately. (BIG cyber hug from Auntie Maggie!) I have kids your age, so I know how hard it is to communicate. Three weeks isn't a long enough time to move in with someone, IMO, but your dad is probably lonely and wants to jump at the chance to have a womyn in his life. Who knows, she may have given him an ultimatum. Do you know the womyn at all? Is she nice? Sadly, you really don't have much of a say in this, but he should NOT have lied to you. Parents should be honest with thier kids. Was he afraid to be honest? Is he the type who would rather lie than face contraversy? Having more people in the home will only make this more complicated. I hope things work out. Your dad would be worse off if it ended badly with this womyn, than to wait until they knew each other well enough to move in. He sounds lonely and maybe immature, but you can't do anything about either. Is there someone you can talk to in your community? Is there a youth crisis center or something? These can be really helpful as well as free. Blessings. I am praying things work out for you and your dad.
So how IS it going? Are you still getting left in the dark? Are you doing your part to make things work out? You know, he's always gonna be your dad, even after you go on your merry way, and you shouldn't let something like this stand between you. Maybe things won't work out for him and this woman, maybe they will, but you will always be his baby - even when you're 42. Don't lose your dad - and the only way that's gonna happen is if you let it, not that someone else will soak up all the love he has. Your relationship with him is between the two of you, influenced by circumstances of course, but basically what goes on between the both of you is up to the both of you.
sorry to hear about the drama, dark. my mom did a similar thing to me when i was in middle school. she met a guy, dated briefly, and then let him move in. she also asked me what i thought, and of course i told her that i didn't want some strange man moving in with us. i'm not sure why she asked, since it really didn't make a shit what i said. anyway, they guy moved in, much to my dismay, and they eventually got married....they have been together about 10 years now. he turned out to be an ok guy, and we adapted. now that i'm older, i think that i was truly worried about mom getting so serious with a strange guy, but also, i can see now that i was jealous.i felt like i already didn't get enough attention, and that he was going to take my share. for a while, he sort of did, but i lived through it. in answer to your question about whether it's teenage angst, or a midlife crisis, i'll vote for both. midlife crisis: dad is probably infatuated with some lady he barely knows, and it isn't really right for him to put her first, but as i'm sure you've realized, that's sort of the way things are, sometimes. you are evidentally going through some personal problems (being kicked out of mom's house, etc), and seem to need more attention that he is giving you. that sucks. is there anyone else (cousin, aunt, uncle, etc, ) that you can relate to? teenage angst:you for your part may be unintentionally being selfish. after all, you can move out next year, and dad may feel like this thing with his girlfriend is a now or never situation. also, i have heard you mention drug use pretty often (not giving you a hard time about this, just stating a fact), dad may feel like you are "out of control", or something along those lines. maybe he just doesn't know what to do with you. anyway, the main thing is to finish school, and get yourself a plan together, so that if things go poorly, you can move out and take care of yourself, pretty soon. pm me sometime, if you want to talk.
