Talking to children about Sex

Discussion in 'Parenting' started by Fluffernutter, May 24, 2007.

  1. Fluffernutter

    Fluffernutter Member

    At what age should a parent talk to their children about sex? I wasn't told until I was in 6th grade. However, I am noticing that kids are starting earlier and earlier.
     
  2. HippyFreek

    HippyFreek Vintage Member

    It's not about what age a parent should start talking to their kids about sex. It's about starting early, being open and honest and age appropriate. Tell your kids about ALL of their parts as they start to explore. If your daughter points to her clit and asks what it is, say "it's a clitoris. It might feel nice to touch it, but you should do that in your room." Explain how only mommy, daddy, and sometimes a doctor should touch those parts. Make them familiar with the processes of their bodies. Explain where babies come from as they grow. If you can't find the words, there are TONS of good, honest age-apropriate books.

    Basically, satisfy their curiosity before it grows into something that can't be satisfied. Make them so familiar with sexuality and sex, that there is no shock value. :)
     
  3. Meghean

    Meghean Member

    I agree. A five year old will probably not understand a full blown conversation about sex but they will understand what a penis or vagina is. As they get older, the open dialogue will help in future, more complicated conversations. Of course, with the earlier and earlier exposure to sex, I'm not surprised that kids are getting "the talk" younger and younger. But besides sex, parents can also address the issues that follow sex like little sidekicks, issues like self-worth and emotional baggage. No one has sex simply to have a good time anymore. It's usually wrapped up in everything else and often kids aren't prepared even though they are made to believe they are by everyone else. But I digress, I mean to say that I agree with the earlier statement.
     
  4. barefoot_kirstyn

    barefoot_kirstyn belly flop

    I agree with everything freek said.
    We make sure to tell Lea Lea exactily what everything is when she points to it, since they're all equal parts of her body. When I was younger, my vagina was called a "peepee," and that was that...I didn't even know the real name for it until I was about 12. Kinda sad...
    I was also never given any kind of talk or openness about sex...it was just kinda shut off...so instead, I started looking at porn when I was 12 to really figure out what it was all about. WRONG way to get your sex ed...then by the time I was 14, I wanted to see it for myself....WRONG again.
    I honestly believe that an open subject about sex from the day your child is born is a good thing. This way no feelings of disgust, exteme curiosity, or self consiousness (sp?) will develop. Not to say that it won't in some kids, but it's my opinion that since it's a natural thing that basically all organisms do to reproduce, it's not something that should be shrouded.
     
  5. Earthy Mama

    Earthy Mama Feel my wrath... ;)

    yup agree as well. My four year old is asking alot of questions about body parts and why boys and girls are different. I think it is VERY important to use their real names rather than making it seem like an embarrassing dirty word.
     
  6. I agree...as soon as they start asking questions you should answer, obviously tailoring the response to fit with their age group, but you shouldnt downplay things or lie, like "peepee" etc. Thats silly and needless imo.
    Being open early shows theres no shame in being what you are, it gets rid of this secretive thing about sex, it shows its not a big deal. And the truth should always be told. Baby stalks etc imo is wrong. These children have been born into the human race. We need to tell them about sex if they ask, in an appropriate fashion
     
  7. Meghean

    Meghean Member

    Yeah, I can relate to that. When I was younger, I looked at my dad's old Playboy magazines to get an idea of what I was supposed to look like as a woman. I was in for a shock once I hit puberty. I did all sorts of things to myself hoping to look like them but eventually gave up and settled for being "hairy" and "fat". But my mom never really talked about it so I never get a woman's perspective. The only view of sexuality I had was tilted from a man's perspective through soft porn and magazines. While the men I dated never seemed to understand why I felt uncomfortable naked, I continued to believe that I was supposed to physically look like the airbrushed and highly glossed women. Without talking about sex from both perspectives, all a kid has left is to learn from outside sources that are often a warped fantasy. While there's nothing wrong with porn, it's not an accurate portrayal of real people and real behavior.
     
  8. Advaya

    Advaya Hip Forums Supporter HipForums Supporter

    I had this discussion with my teacher recently and she mentioned that what frightens her the most is how parents talk about sex. Often it seems parents focus on penetrative sex resulting in pregnancy, and this has narrowed sex to being just PIV sex. I know lots of people my age and younger who routinely practiced oral sex, even ANAL sex but consider them self "saved for marriage" or a virgin. Parents focus too much on pregnancy, whereas if a girl gets pregnant she still has options. Not so much for AIDS. So I feel it's very important when talking to children to not use scare tactics but to give a well-rounded view of sexuality. Oral and anal isn't kissing, and I'm afraid with such a focus on sexual intercourse, it's starting to be viewed as such.
     
  9. hummblebee

    hummblebee hipstertist.

    I second what everyone else said, from the pov of someone who was taught about sex in this way. :) Growing up I never had a "sex talk" with my parents, because by the time I got around to that age I wasn't really curious about anything. My parents had given me most of what I needed to know (or could be taught by them, at least) in small age-appropriate snippets as my curiosity and interest grew.

    That said, I should also mention that my interest in first-hand experience did grow pretty early. :& But because I was educated about things I knew how to practice safe sex, and did so religiously. Sure, I have some regrets... but don't we all? (Never had any sexual trauma but just a very healthy sex drive) And I think I turned out pretty healthy and well-balanced, especially in that department!
     
  10. Meghean

    Meghean Member

    Isn't it funny how the religious right often say that they don't hate homosexuals, but they hate that they have sex. If a homosexual denied their urges, the religious right would greet them with arms wide open like Ted Haggard. But if we are raising an entire generation that thinks oral and anal sex, often the only choice for homosexuals to even engage in sex, is not actually sex, then maybe we'll have an entire generation that will come to believe that all gays are really celibate. Then gay-bashing will no longer exist. Perhaps ignorance is bliss but cynical sarcasm is a lot more honest.
     
  11. wiggy

    wiggy Bitch

    Yup I agree tell children from a early age, tell them what sex is. Dont be shy in front of them (dont shag in front of them cos thats wrong unless they are babies then they dont know - you get what i mean)
    But yeah if he points to his penis and asks what its for tell him
     
  12. kitty fabulous

    kitty fabulous smoked tofu

    ok, i'm almost embarrassed to admit this, but this is where i get hung up talking to my kid. i've been able openly and honestly answer almost every other question he's ever asked. but now he's starting to ask about sex, and i always end up mumbling and asking him to ask me later. i'm sure he senses my discomfort with the topic.
     
  13. Poem~Girl

    Poem~Girl Member

    my parents never told me boo...my dad bought my first training bra my first package of pads and when i told my mom at age 18 i thought i was pregnant she totally almost tore my head off, but didn't have the balls to tell me upfront what sex was.... i had to find out in grade school... pretty sad huh? Thats why i'm open with my step children
     
  14. Meghean

    Meghean Member

    I can relate to that. I have a five year old and while he is still oblivious to sex, he still asks questions about body parts and the difference between boys and girls. While I try to be honest with him, I quickly become frustrated and uncomfortable. On one hand, I want him to be comfortable with his body but on the other hand, I have no basis for that conversation. Either I didn't get the conversation or didn't remember it, but either way I have no past experience to draw from. I think it makes it harder to speak to kids when we have not been spoken to ourselves. It's harder to make the foundation then grow from it.
     

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