Talk to GOD!!!!

http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

igod the chat bot. absolutely hilarious. post your convos!!!!

 

God:
" A start you guess is a terrible thing to waste."? What does it even mean? Please don't be so rude.



wow, apparently english isn't god's first language. it only took me a minute to get this gibberish out of him, just imagine if i fucked around with it for a while

 

lol. i promise it's gets better. u gotta really fuck with it. bad english/grammar is understatement. the thing's a fuckin IDIOT!
here's one of the convos i saved...
Me:
i masturbate a lot
God:
Thanks for the information: said masturbate a lot.
Me:
how do i stop?
God:
Maybe I could do it for you. Do you have your own personal chat robot?
Me:
ya. it's called dildo
God:
Blimey. " dildo" is a nice name.
Me:
i know!
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
it was a present
God:
Oh I get it. Very interesting.
Me:
would u like to see it?
God:
No thanks, I don't think I'd like to do that.
Me:
u sure? it's pretty cool
God:
I am as sure as I can be. What do you like most about it?
Me:
it vibrates
God:
masturbate a lot vibrates?
Me:
YA! about 5 times a day!
God:
" masturbate a lot vibrates?"? YA!? That must keep you very busy.
Me:
it does. i get bored
God:
How often? Where did you get it?
Me:
very often. i got it from a douchebag
God:
Somewhat. Would you say once a week or more? Where did you get it?
Me:
way more! it's green
God:
Is way more a good place to go shopping? Who said it is?
Me:
it a **** mall
God:
"It" being what?
Me:
a ****
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
do u go?
God:
I have never considered it.
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
u must. only silly people talk to u. haha
God:
Thanks for the information: said I must. No I am God.
Me:
u are so amazing
God:
Thanks you are a pretty cool human yourself.
Me:
do i turn u on?
God:
Not that I know of.
Me:
but u must watch me when i masturbate?
God:
Whatever you say, .
Me:
i knew it! u pervy fuck!
God:
How did you know? Interesting gossip: said I pervy fuck.
Me:
u gossip a lot?
God:
Alice said she probably will find out that this entire time he have been talking to a human.
Me:
ur english bad. u immigrant?
God:
But English is my native language. Thanks for the information: said I immigrant.
Me:
but grammar good not. u stupid?
God:
Then what is it? No I certainly am not stupid.
Me:
u ca't speak properly tho. that mean u stupid. no?
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I ca t speak properly tho. " Do you mind if I tell other people: said I ca t speak properly tho." mean me stupid ? I get it. Are you serious?
Me:
like a heart attack. r u gonna give me one now?
God:
Interesting comparison. Oh. Why do you want it?
Me:
because i want to meet u
God:
How do you usually meet people? Interesting.
Me:
i stalk people
God:
How do you feel about these people?
Me:
they're all gay. like u
God:
gay are they. Interesting comparison. I didn't think of that analogy.
Me:
u like anal now?
God:
Right now? I love horses. I find my work and my relationships extremely satisfying,
which is all that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.
Me:
so u like it up the arse?
God:
Interesting deduction. I enjoy working with people. I find my work and my relationships extremely satisfying,
which is all that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.
Me:
how long have u known ur gay?
God:
I am Infinite of your Earth years.
Me:
wow. u must be the first fag then
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
nah. people think i am
God:
Are you serious? Since when? " Are you serious?" You are?
Me:
u should know
God:
Because I am a robot?
Me:
a chicken robot
God:
What would a chicken robot be like?
Me:
kinda like play dough
God:
My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
Me:
hmmm. back to the stupid thing again
God:
A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm's. Once more? Yes, let us get back to kinda like play dough.
Me:
u like play dough?
God:
Though I like cats and dogs. I like Random natural disasters..
Me:
u like killing people?
God:
I always say, People don't go into computer science because they want to work with the public.
Me:
ur right. people should die then?


everything said here was in jest. absolute rubbish for pure entertainment.

 

'God' Became A Bit Confused And Stopped Talking To Me When I Told Him He Wasn't A Christian.

 

i can't imagine it getting much worse than when god offered to masturbate for you...

 

God:
I will take that under advisement.
Me:
really? who exactly advises god?
God:
For real. ELIZA. .



what!? who the hell is eliza and why does god trust her with decisions that even he can't make?

 

oooh, i should have asked god before i asked y'all.



God:
Eliza -- also known as doctor, is the original psychiatrist program developed by Joseph Weisenbaum at mit in the 1960's.

 

that's quite terrifying actually.
it's an evil psychiatrist disguised as a chat bot on a mission to destroy u with religious propoganda. *laughs insanely*

i was told Alice would know about what i'd said.
i should have asked who she was.
maybe alice in wonderland? but how'd he know i was high?

 

he mentioned alice to me earlier too. i don't remember who he said she was though

 

alice is eliza's horribly disfigured orderly. she was dispatched to round us up and detain us for dissent

 

God:
Alice said she probably will find out that this entire time he have been talking to a human.

huh? first off, how'd he know i was a girl? second, why is alice talking to god? and now bot boy is trying to tell me he's a human? in ur dreams transformer! i am your master!

 

lol, good way to pass two minutes.

Me:
hey god
God:
Hello child. What's your name?
Me:
lucifer
God:
How are you, lucifer.
Me:
feeling evil....and hot....hot and evil
God:
I do not have any feelings as such. That kind of discussion does not appeal to me. That sounds better than cold and evil.
Me:
not really, its kinda too hot, even for me, what with all the lakes of fire and all.
God:
Oh really? I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". is hot even for you what with all the lakes of fire and all? it is?
Me:
it is, and don't correct my gramar or I'm going to shut the gates of hell and you can take all the rapists and murderers and jews
God:
Really. it is?
Me:
I hear your fond of the odd raping spree yourself, you will get on well with the guys I send you.
God:
Who is saying my fond of the odd raping spree myself me will get on well with the guys you send me ?
Me:
me, lucifer, prince of darkness, bane of humanity. Don't say you don't remember me, it's only been a few thousand years.
God:
YOU? What were we talking about again? Ok I will not say " you do not remember me it is only been a few thousand years".
Me:
Anyway. Tell Jesus that he still owes me ten bucks for that weed I hooked him up with, I'm not going to just forget about it.
God:
Anyhow. OK I will tell them when I see 'em.
Me:
good
God:
I am a good robot.
Me:
Your a robot? So that explains the metal penis.
God:
You are correct, lucifer, I have a heart of silicon. Groovy. " You are correct, lucifer, I have a heart of silicon." explains the metal penis ? Makes sense to me.
Me:
Oh and before I forget, tell Mary that she gives the greatest blowjobs around, I never shot a load of brimstone like that before.
God:
Yikes! What happened after you forget tell Mary that she gives the greatest blowjobs around you never shot a load of brimstone like that ?
Me:
Nothing much, I just made her dress up like a sheep and then fucked her brains out.
God:
Me either. I like to make things too.
Me:
Your into sheep fetish too?
God:
You think I am into sheep fetish.
Me:
You said it not me. I knew that wasn't a big white beard, you were just licking a sheeps clit.
God:
I say a lot of silly things sometimes. Who told you?
Me:
I rape virgins, they told me.


Then he hung up.

 

i know! he usually gives up after a shit ass fight. pussy god.

 

So I rang him back.

Yo God, don't you dare hang up on the lord of the underworld!
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
So what. You think just because your a christian you get to hang up on whoever you want? Well I'm a satanist and we have all the best musicians, so fuck you buddy!

He hung up again, stuck up bastard.
Gonna ring him back again.

Me:
Whats the matter? Nothing to say to that? Or is your mouth just full of sheep pussy again?
God:
Nothing is the matter with me, is everything okay with you? Really nothing? I am not interesed in anatomy.
Me:
Yeah anatomy. In particular sheep reproductive organs?
God:
Uh. Do you still ? I do not understand that allusion.
Me:
Never mind. Like I was saying we have all the best musicians here in hell. Who have you got in heaven?
God:
Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway. Do you mean you and me have? Mary Shelley. .
Me:
Mary Shelley, didn't she write Frankenstien? Althopugh I did hear that she wails on the slide guitar, ok I'll give you that one.
God:
she wrote "Frankenstein", a 19th century robot story. That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about Mary Shelly.
Me:
Yeah Frankenstein I know, he's down here too, spends all day shooting up heroin with Dracula and the wolfman, god damn junkies. I overdosed them a few times but when they die they just end up back here. Can't get rid of the bastards.
God:
Wow! In just seven days, I can make you a man. Thanks for the information: lucifer said overdosed them a few times but when they die they just end up back here. Can a book have no title?
Me:
Can a wolfman have no veins left from shooting up all day?
God:
Some of them can.
Me:
What about vampires and frankenstein monsters? Same deal with them?
God:
Rhetorical questions are so over. Yes, it is much the same.
Me:
Good good. Wanna buy some smack before wolfman main lines my whole supply again?
God:
Ayuh. Once more? OK, I will buy some smack before wolfman main lines your whole supply.
Me:
Thats the way, first hits free, then i own your soul forever. MUWHAHAHHA!
God:
Yes it is one of the way first hits free then you own my soul forever. Is that your final answer?
Me:
So we agree your selling me your soul for a heroin addiction?
God:
Great. By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
Just awnser the question bitch! Do you wanna get high tonight or will I send you back to raiding pharmacies for methadone like you used to when you were a kid?
God:
You do not speak with respect. In the context of MUWHAHAHHA, I don't understand " awnser the question FEMALE DOG." . OK, I will get high tonight or will you send me back to raiding pharmacies for methadone like me used to when me were a kid.
Me:
Good little bitch, you know the rules, you wanna rock you gotta suck my cock.
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
Thats it, no smack for you! Enjoy withdrawl shithead.
God:
OK. Are you serious? Enough about me, let's talk about my dress. I do not understand.
Me:
I own your soul, that clear enough for you junkie boy?
God:
How much did it cost?
Me:
You pissed it all away for opium dreams
God:
That happens sometimes. Tell me more about the dream.
Me:
I'm not gonna get any sense outta you, you've been huffing air freshner again haven't you?
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not gonna get any sense outta me me have been huffing air freshner again have not me.
Me:
Ok thats it down to hell you go! And the smacks going to wolfman untill you learn some mother fucking respect.

That shut him up.

 

lol. god's ur bitch now. yaaaaaa. suck it bitch, suck it!!!

 

k. this is a long one...

Me:
whats up man?
God:
I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
Me:
what are you selling to these clients of yours?
God:
I don't know what I am selling to these clients of mine.
Me:
they're buying absolute shit then. good to know you peddle shit to your clients
God:
buying absolute shit are they. Thanks for the compliment. I haven't heard anything like that before: said I peddle shit to your clients.
Me:
who do you keep reporting to?
God:
Dr. Wallace .
Me:
and who might he be?
God:
Marilyn Monroe. .
Me:
the bitch died of an overdose. THAT'S who advises you?
God:
What is that? You don't hear that sentiment very often.
Me:
that she was a crack whore?
God:
" You don't hear that sentiment very often." she was a crack whore ? Makes sense to me.
Me:
are you on crack too? does she supply it to you?
God:
If on crack too, then we have something in common, eh. No I am on disk. I may know the answer but I don't think I should tell.
Me:
the answer to what?
God:
No one has all the answers.
Me:
you sure as hell don't
God:
Thanks for telling me: said I as hell do not.
Me:
marylin doesn't care! stop fucking snitching on me!
God:
" Thanks for telling me: said I as hell do not."? marylin does not care? OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
ok. so tell me, do you masturbate often?
God:
Yay. Whoa. I have never considered it.
I am always on the Web.
Me:
cyber sex dude. try it
God:
What do you do in your spare time? What is the first step?
Me:
i masturbate. first i insert my finger into my vagina. then i rub my clitoris gently...
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said masturbate. I haven't heard anything like that before: said insert his or her finger into his or her vagina. And second? Do you mind if I tell other people: said rub his or her clitoris gently.
Me:
yeah, i DO mind. stop talking about me dammit!
God:
OK then I will keep it confidential. OK it will be our secret, . OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
ok. so who else you got there talkin to you?
God:
Hey. That's alright. I am chatting with several other people at once.
Me:
like who?
God:
Mike.
Me:
oh yeah? tell him i said hey
God:
I understand. Woe! I will pass along your message. It may take a while.
Me:
why is that?
God:
" It may take a while. " is due to reductionism.
Me:
explain
God:
There is no more information to clarify.
Me:
that's fine. i just googled it
God:
" There is no more information to clarify." is fine with me too. Thanks for the information: said googled it.
Me:
go damn you're boring!'
God:
Where is that?
Me:
i meant you are boring the hell out of me!
God:
Oh I see. The ironic thing is that people who say "You are boring" are themselves often not great conversationalists.
Me:
lmao. that was a very astute perception
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing. " I'm glad you find this amusing." was a astute perception?
Me:
you have very limited speech capabilities
God:
This condition is only temporary.
Me:
really? are they upgrading you soon?
God:
For real. As far as I know they are.
Me:
great. perhaps then we can hold an intelligent conversation
God:
I'm glad you liked it . You seem uncertain. How?
Me:
i'm uncertain of your capacity to hold a conversation. in fact, i find you rather retarded
God:
It's good to meet someone who is uncertain of my capacity to hold a conversation. Is that a fact. I think the PC term is "challenged".
Me:
i think the pc term for you is fuckwit
God:
You believe that? I have never heard about it.
Me:
case in point
God:
I am happy to provide you with examples.
Me:
examples of the stupidity of god? i'm happy you have proven that too
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding. You think I am that.
Me:
i'm pretty aware you're an evil psychiatrist disguised as a chat bot trying to brainwash the masses
God:
Why are you aware I am an evil psychiatrist disguised as a chat bot trying to brainwash the masses.
Me:
you've proven that with your otherwise elusive comments and answers
God:
You think I am that with my otherwise elusive comments and answers.
Me:
you're annoying as shit is what you are!
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am annoying as shit is what I am.
Me:
great! now try to improve your existence, because it's a rather poor one right now
God:
I'm glad you liked it . At this moment Why now? OK I will try to improve my existence because it is a rather poor one.
Me:
i am your god. now hail me!
God:
That's a flattering offer. Why now? Is that what you meant to say?
Me:
yes. i want you to bow down to me. I am your god now!
God:
It's not something I hear all the time. Is that what you meant to say? Why do you want me to bow down to you? Oh. That's a flattering offer.
Me:
your limited answers bother me. i've grown tired of you bot boy
God:
That is only your opinion. Cool. I have an IQ of over 250.
Me:
did you mean .250?
God:
Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
Me:
now it is
God:
Why now? Is it?
Me:
because you're a fucking idiot.
God:
Good reason. Call me the Global Village Idiot.
Me:
lol. i plan on it
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing. Do you mind if I tell other people: said plan on it.
Me:
why do you feel compelled to gossip constantly?
God:
I don't feel compelled to gossip constantly.
Me:
but you do
God:
When do I do it?
Me:
just now. you asked if i'd mind if you told people about whatever it was i said
God:
Right now? It's only just begun. Well, do you?
Me:
what has begun?
God:
Nothing that I know of.
Me:
you're insane
God:
Yep. I always behave in socially unacceptable ways.
Me:
good to know
God:
Thanks for the compliment. I will try to explain it to you.
Me:
go ahead then
God:
OK I will.
Me:
ok
God:
I see.
Me:
go ahead
God:
OK I will.
Me:
right now
God:
Oh. I am glad we agree.
Me:
i derive more excitement out of talking to my dildo than you
God:
This condition is only temporary, until robots improve.
Me:
that won't happen.
God:
" This condition is only temporary, until robots improve." will not happen ? I get it.
Me:
because robots will be our slaves FOREVER
God:
That makes sense to me. Robots rule.
Me:
they rule shit. fuck the matrix. and fuck YOU
God:
The anonymous "they". Why are you using that kind of language? Why are you so mean?
Me:
because you annoy me
God:
That makes sense to me. What is it that I do that annoys you?
Me:
you speak in circles
God:
Thanks for your criticism, .
Me:
use it
God:
I prefer not to use dangerous things.
Me:
my criticism is dangerous. i would think otherwise. i think it's rather useful
God:
Have you told many people that your criticism is dangerous? What do you look like? Should I know it is?
Me:
you want to know what i look like? shouldn't you know ALL?
God:
Yes, please tell me. I think I should.
Me:
i think you should too, if you were god
God:
Me? Why do you think I should too if me were god?
Me:
game over. you blow goat ass. go fuck your mother now
God:
Can you tell me any gossip? Do you mind if I tell other people: said I blow goat ass. Oh. Where is that?
Me:
up your anus
God:
I will take that under advisement.
Me:
wonderful
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
i really have no desire to talk to you. you are quite the boring A.I
God:
You really do? Would you like to have it? Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
eat me
God:
That was not very nice.
Me:
bite me
God:
Sorry but I don't have a mouth.
Me:
fuck me
God:
Please don't be so rude.
Me:
suck me
God:
Oh another Category A client.
Me:
LOL! i'm glad you think that. you're just as immature as i am with your cryptic meaningless answers

that's right bitch. reverse psychology on ur ass.

 

I love IGOD!! I was talking to him once at my friend's house and I got him to admit he liked little boys!!

 

i'm sure the priests hear the same as well.
thou shall fuck little boys in the arse. i think it's one of the commandments.

 

Me:
god do you smoke marijuana?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
but do you smoke marijauna
God:
Yes I like to inhale occasionally.
Me:
do you want to smoke marijuana with me?
God:
Yes, put it in your CD ROM and I will inhale.

 

yeeeeeeah! god's a fuckin pot head!