I guess this is a post that aims to provide support to other lesbians who may be in a similar situation, rather than seeking empathy. It refers to the connections with family and the difficulties that can sometimes be faced. Sometimes, some are lucky and their family stand by them. For others, they are ignored and turned away. For me, I was not so fortunate and although it hurts I feel better to write it, in the knowledge that, perhaps somewhere, anywhere in the world, a girl (or even a guy) is experiencing the same issue and needs to know they're not alone and that, despite all rash feelings, things do get better. My parents were not particularly religious or conservative but their views on homosexuality always deviated towards a suspicious outlook. To them, gays (both men and women) were just primiscuous individuals. Neither of them had any idea that I would come out to them but when I did the shock obviously hit them hard. My father took it a little more lightly than my mother did and even came round to the idea, stating that as long I was happy that was all that mattered. My mother on the other hand, refused to budge. Evidently it is difficult for a parent or parents to accept this; they bring a child up hoping a certain life for them, and it is often difficult for them to comprehend it with the new information that their daughter will be with another woman. My mother hung on to this (to us) insignficant part of the news and for two years would rant at me about it. A few times she did get violent but I was determined to remain peaceful with her. I'd only come out at 18 years old (2 years ago) after 6 years of secrecy. This was the worst outcome to my coming out so late and for a while I blamed myself. Recently, my fiancee and I came to the conclusion that my mum would soon make a rash decision, and we were correct in thinking. I'd gone home from university for the weekend, hoping to resolve things with her. But she was not going to listen or regard what I was saying. Instead she gave me an ultimatum. Either I leave my girlfriend or I lose my family. Because I loved Kate so much I could not say to her something like that. So, very calmly (to my surprise as she was shouting) I walked out. Despite the hurt, I've returned to university aiming to graduate next year and am going on to do a teacher training programme. Every now and then I am reminded of the pain, both emotional and physical, caused by something unchangeable and closely a part of us. But then, looking at how things are going generally with study and life planning, it's already starting to get better. Sexuality cannot be disregarded, and nor should it be seen as a wrongdoing in human kind. You are not wrong to be gay and no matter what anyone says or whatever is said it cannot/should not change that. You are who you are, and even if someone else turns you away, I want to say this. I. Love. You. For being strong, and for standing by yourself, your identity and your freedom to be who you want to be.
Thank you, SDG, for caring enough to post that despite the evident hurt you are feeling. Big virtual hug coming your way from me.
