Stuff old people say...

What are some things you have heard "old people" say that you might have found amusing? This is for Everyone! If you think you might be an old person, then think back to what old people said when you were young. Let's try and collect as many as possible. It's a very common one but I'll start:

Davenport= Couch

 

My grandmother calls cruise control "auto-pilot" so needless to say, I drive with my auto-pilot on when I'm on the highway

 

I knew a lady when she was cold she always said "Its colder than a witche's tit"
everytime she said it i was like LOL!!

 

Its hotter than a witches tit in a brass bra

 

see, I always heard "colder than a witches tit in a brass bra"

 

I like "slicker than owl shit"

 

the balls on a brass monkey....

 

As an insult, they used to say, "Your mother wears combat boots."

Now they just say, "Yo mama!"

 

Too bad Individual isn't here. I'll bet he knows a few.

 

When Granny liked something she said "It's the cat's meow!".
(she liked cats)

If something was old, she'd say, "That's been around since Hector was a pup".
(I think Hector died of old age before I was born)

 

"Slicker than cat shit before daylight"

 

"there's a storm coming. i can feel in it my bones."

unfortunately this is something that is all too real

 

Plumb tarnation, the secret to a long life is gettin up every mornin

 

I still say this...

 

Well yeah, but the secret to a short life is also gettin' up every mornin'.

With such a philosophy of how to live a long life, no wonder them old people all died off.

 

That child is plumb tuckered out!

Oh my word! I declare!

i totally forgot that my grandma used to call a couch a davenport.
She called a creek a crick too but I think that was a weird southern thing more than an old person thing.

 

"Dag Nabbit!"

 

I use this pretty regularly...hahaha!

My maternal grandmother is insane.

When Bush and Kerry were running for president, they went to her highrise to interview the elderly.

My grandmother goes, "If John Kerry was on parole for murder and Charles Manson was his running mate, I'd still vote for the motherfucker."

They asked her if they could quote her on it.

 

I used to clean for a old lady who used to tell me because Im a good girl, (im 30) that I would get a orange in my stocking this year!! I never got one in the 2 years I worked for her

 

Quote from my grandfather in a local newspaper.