Hi everyone! So my partner and I have been physically together since July of last year. We have sex at least once a day and it used to be perfect! However, a few months ago, I started getting really bad performance anxiety... it comes in episodes, like I'll go several straight days getting really anxious about sex, and it used to be fine enough to deal with (we'd just keep trying until I came) but it's felt especially debilitating lately. What happens is that I get really anxious about sex, it's something we expect to have every night and I spend nearly all day panicking about it. Once it comes to the actual sexy time, I can get aroused and get hard but my problem is that I lose my boner SO MUCH OF THE TIME! And I've noticed it happens because I'll penetrate with my boner but I just don't feel much and then I start to get soft while I'm having sex. When I'm not anxious, it feels great and my cock is completely stimulated. My problem is just that I feel like I lose a lot of sensation, regardless of whatever the cause is. Doggy used to be great but I hardly feel it. Missionary was great but I hardly feel it. My partner has recently started riding me on the couch and it's been MEGA hot and sensual but the most recent time we tried it, I again started to go soft and now I'm worried that I can't cum in that position either. My partner also has severe self worth issues, she ties all of her worth to how sexy she is because of the way she was raised so whenever I struggle with performance, she takes it very personally and gets depressed. She basically requires that I have to cum in her at least once a day so we can't even just mess around with oral stuff on some days so I can avoid the penetration anxiety. I always get hard from oral and hand stimulation but I'll lose them each time I try to penetrate. So does anyone empathize with this situation? Any advice? I have so much sex anxiety now but I HAVE to perform daily for my wife and I just lack sensation and lose my boners. I haven't tried any drugs or anything to help maintain my bones but I'm starting to think I'll have to...
Damn dude.. i feel for you, that's messed up :/ wish i could help, but i am not experienced in this era.
It sounds to me like your partner may be part of the cause of your anxiety, she seems to be putting alot of pressure on having sex regularly (which is great for some guys) but sex should never feel forced. Try talking to your partner, reassure her you love and care about her but make it clear that you can be intimate with her in a non sexual way to show your love and affection for her and that sex is not the only way that you can show you value her - hug her, kiss her, let her know shes beautiful, but try to give yourself a little bit of a break from sex and allow yourself to come back to it when you feel more relaxed. The constant pressure to perform will only make your anxiety worse. It sounds like she has some issues around her own self value and linking this to sex, has she ever had any counselling or seen a therapist? It might help for her to talk to a professional about her self worth.
What used to happen to me is my stature would influence the capacity for different positions. I was short and would fall out if it wasn't missionary or doggy.
Hi If you have not done it already take a 4 week break and then see how things are, but during this break try NOWHARDS MIX google that and see, do the 12 week trail, its all free info and it works after you have done the 12 weeks do come back and tell if things are better. By the way its all free info. One more thing is your being pressured to perform its one thing men cant really do, well yes we can but not week in and week out, the male body needs a break, the best I went was for 3 months, but I was on sick leave it was a broken ligament in my arm, but could still get it up, but for you take the odd day or two off.
Try some of the easy stuff. No alcohol before sex. No big meals before sex. Try a couple pseudo-ephedrine (OTC cold medicine) before sex. Ask the pharmacist for the stuff behind the counter. Druggies make meth out of it so the pharmacist has to keep a record and only sell each person a limited amount. Depends on where you live though. Sounds like mostly mental, though once a day can be a lot if older. Go see a urologist that has experience with sex issues. Maybe a psychologist for both of you at the same, then different times.
What he said. Once it happens to you you might start to think next time "oh no, am I getting soft again?". And even if you weren't then it will almost instantly happen. Your mind fucks it up. You CAN use Cialis or something like that for 'mental support', but that's not a long term solution. You need to talk to her and explain that it is an anxiety issue. Hopefully you get over it!
Cialis may help with his erections but anything he needs help. Anxiety he can self help by finding out how to do meditation, its a great help he needs to find help and help can be found in meditation, he needs to find a local group who will teach him how its done and given time it will help him.
Try meditation as your way out, just read up on it, but first find a good trainer for help into the ways of meditation and once your in to it, the world is your oyster. Try it for your own health,
IMO watching porn could have more negative consequences than good. It over stimulates the brain, watching to much porn could cause ED.
I think that the whole thing is a catch 22 situation, with both of you assuming that you need to please the other. In reality, as a relationship develops, other factors creep in, reducing the need for such regular sex that seems to have become little more than a routine. Just relax, it is the quality, not the quantity that counts. You need to communicate your feelings, but don't get into a long and complex discussion. Things will settle into a new routine and you will both b a lot happier than you are at the moment. PS, Forget the Viagra, For every action, their is an equal and opposite reaction, so you could easily end up pushing your physical desires out of line with your partner.
Gee I wonder what planet you really live on,? there is far more to sex than you really know, sex is a great bond for couples of all ages as it keeps them together, and sex is a great healer, I think your find as we age it gets better, me and my wife still enjoy a romp when my illness allows it to happen, which can be anytime.
Your reply puzzles me, because you went on to confirm what I said. I was not suggesting reducing sexual activity for the fun of it, simply not making it a routine that becomes a chore. I am sure that you would feel under pressure if you felt that you needed to perform daily in order to satisfy your wife and keep your relationship together. That was my point to the OP. As you know, most women also have days during their cycle when they don't enjoy sex. It sounded from the post that that they were thinking that daily sex was the backbone of a relationship, which was then causing him anxiety. It is a bit like food. Far more enjoyable when you are hungry, but can make you feel sick when you are not..
I think your ready for the brother hood, off you go and join and let us folk enjoy our love life's, I don't know about you but we as a couple have enjoyed our sex lives all through our marriage sounds like your has a been a shame marriage talking your wife out of her sex life, no off you go and join the brotherhood your enjoy it no talking and no sex.
What age group are you in and your partner? If you are very, young daily sex may be fine for sometimes, but I doubt it is possible for everyone to do for longterm. I can't suggest until I know more details of both.
Daily sex is too much in my opinion, unless your wife is a sex addict 3-4 good sessions in a full 7 days is good enough. If nothing else works get viagra or cialis, that will work 100%.
