Still Confused about my Sexuality

Discussion in 'Bisexual' started by TheSamantha, Jul 30, 2013.

  1. TheSamantha

    TheSamantha Member

    When I masturbate I get off to naked chicks. I put myself in the guy's position or pretend I'm a guy gazing at a naked girl, her tits, her ass, her pussy. Occasionally I masturbate to naked men, two naked women, and two naked men. Soft core, pics, videos, no hard core porn like fucking or anal.

    But I masturbate to lots of things.

    Anyway, when I'm actually with a girl, rubbing her tits or licking her pussy, I don't feel aroused. I feel absolutely nothing. That may be because I'm not stimulating my clit. It might be because I become the girl instead of the guy.

    A friend of mine accused me of just wanting to get attention. I asked him, if that's true, why do I masturbate alone to girls? He didn't know.

    I'm invested in the LGBT community. I'm a member of DCBiWomen, I'm a volunteer grant writer for an LGBT non-profit, I've marched in a parade, I hang out with LGBT people, I watch the LOGO channel, I went to coming out week at my university, I took Queer Studies classes, I was a peer counselor at the LGBT center before I graduated, etc. If I weren't queer I'd be crushed.

    But I'd like your honest opinion.
  2. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

    If you don't find girls arousing in person; I can't see how you can consider yourself into women; but I've read your other thread about not being emotionally into men. There's always the possibility you haven't been with the right girl or the right guy.

    As far as masturbating to girls - they are certainly more visually appealing, as well as more expressive; so I don't think you should consider that as very telling about your sexuality.

    As far as putting yourself in the guy's position - I am a male and frequent porn user, and I find myself often putting myself in the female's mindset, and relating more with females than guys. Maybe it's just because porn guys hardly ever act like they're enjoying it - maybe I find their part more appealing, or wish I could be in their position, I dunno. But I don't think it says too much about my sexuality, either.
  3. TheSamantha

    TheSamantha Member

    Thanks for responding. It would suck to be straight. Not that I think straight people are boring don't get me wrong. Just that I am heavily invested in the LGBT community, politics, the psychology, the art, the culture.

    But I don't want to be a fraud.

    Anyone else care to weigh in?
  4. Duck

    Duck quack. Lifetime Supporter

    I think straight people can be active in LGBT. Most abolitionists were white..
  5. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

    This is why I'm not much of a joiner.
  6. TheSamantha

    TheSamantha Member

    Cherea, do you consider yourself bisexual or straight?
  7. BeachBall

    BeachBall Nosey old moo

    If you're doing what feels right for you ... then you're NOT a fraud.

    Don't let the labels take over ... that would be to let the tail wag the dog.
  8. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

    I went about 35 years of my life calling myself straight. Now, I call myself bisexual. Am I coming out of the closet, discovering something, or simply doing it for attention?

    You will never know...

    I'm definitely skeptical of the discovering hypothesis. I was always a little gay. Although, I can't assure you I'm not revising. I've been "accused" of being gay all my life. I've set off many people's gaydars since puberty or even prior. But that's probably a very straight experience in its own right. I have the distinct feeling that I'm becoming gayer as I grow older.

    Things have definitely changed since I started calling myself bisexual. Or, maybe I started calling myself bisexual because things had definitely changed. Staring at unsuspecting cute boys' necks or hairlines on the bus and getting hard ons has become frequent.

    Nowadays, I'll go beyond being flattered by male attention (which I always have been) and take a little bit of the initiative myself, though I'm still as shy as I am with women.

    And my first experience with a man was too embarrassing to post publicly. Incidentally, that experience was oral only. I have not had anal penetrative experiences with men, though I'd like to. I'm definitely curious about bottoming but worried about the logistics. I'd need an understanding partner who doesn't take it for granted that, because of my age, I'm an experienced bottom.

    How could it take over 30 years for me to become bicurious? Well, for 30 years I had not had the amount of experience with women that I thought I had to have before kicking the bucket.

    Now I have. My life has become a big sigh of relief. Women have no power over me, any longer.

    And boys are cute as hell; well, a bunch of them.


    Edit: I am definitely more congenial to men than I am to women. Women annoy me, for the most part. Boys, on the other hand, are innocent until proven guilty unless they start acting all macho.

    But I masturbate to straight porn exclusively (with anal stimulation) and I have a (supportive) girl in my life that I hope will remain there for very long.

    Socially, I'm very gay. I will not go out, unless it's to a gay bar, nightclub, or cafe. I've been to the Pride Parade; but that's trite.


    Edit2: "Bicurious" is too much of a mouthful to me. I hope I'm not deceiving people, but I notice they do assume I've bottomed tons if I say "bisexual" rather than "bicurious."
  9. Being confused about your sexuality is perfectly understandable... you have described a confusing situation!
  10. Nudge Nudge, Wink Wink

    Or they can be passive if they want.

    Nudge Nudge, Wink Wink
  11. ThorHammer

    ThorHammer Banned

    Sounds to me that you like the idea of being with women.
  12. NextEvolution

    NextEvolution Member

    My girl is bi and we have been with bi chicks as well as turned 2 straight chicks bi... If you're not feeling aroused when with another girl, you're not bi. Pretty simple and doesn't matter what porn you like. Unless you are referring to one time or there were other circumstances that made you nervous or uncomfortable.
  13. TheSamantha

    TheSamantha Member

    Hmm, then maybe I'm straight, which I have no problem with. Bisexuality has become trendy, and it's a burden to have people think you're just trying to get attention or be cool.

    To add to the equation: I'm not aroused by oral sex in general. I'm not aroused be oral sex on a guy, giving or receiving. I don't like tongues on my clit and I don't like putting my mouth on anyone's parts. It just doesn't do it for me.

    Also, I'm picky about the types of girls' bodies I find arousing. You have to have really big boobs or a big buttzilla to get me going.

  14. NextEvolution

    NextEvolution Member

    -How many experiences with girls have you had?
    -Do you feel hands and toys to be fun given your aversion to oral?
  15. TheSamantha

    TheSamantha Member

    I've only been with four or five girls.

    I enjoyed being fucked with a strap-on.
  16. NextEvolution

    NextEvolution Member

    Well, then you're probably bi... besides being with multiple girls, you like looking at girls... you love being pleasured by them. The fact that you are picky on looks and don't care for oral doesn't mean you're not.
  17. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

    Do you not enjoy kissing them?
  18. TheSamantha

    TheSamantha Member

    Yes, I love making out with girls.
  19. Cherea

    Cherea Senior Member

    :) Cool!
  20. sunshine186

    sunshine186 midnight toker

    Pretty good points here.

    I consider myself bisexual but I have never had a real long term relationship with a female other than high school dating. And I don't think I will at this point. But I don't think that makes me any less attracted to female and it doesn't mean it's an attention thing. I think it's offensive that so many people believe bisexuals are only in it for the attention.

    You'll find what you like.

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