STD as excuse to stay of work, probably not a good idea!

I was reminiscing recently about the past and remembered a hilarious event that happened at work one night, I think you'll like it, it went like this.
I arrived at work for the late turn and the place was in chaos, the parade room was sealed off and one of our patrol cars had been quaranteened, what the hell was going on?
It transpired that our resident idiot, Baz, had decided he needed a night off, now having over the last year buried 4 grandmothers and 6 grandfathers, he was fast running out of excuses, however he'd found one that couldn't fail. He rang in and told the duty sergeant that he wouldn't be in for tonights shift as he'd caught a dose of crabs!
Well, the brown smelly stuff hit the whirling thing, as we say, and a full deep clean was ordered, he was told not to come back until he'd got clearance from a doctor, and quite right too, it's highly contagious. this is where it went even more daft.
Baz rocked up at the pub the day after, bemoaning how the sergeant had over-reacted! that was when he informed us of his materplan, later that day he'd got an appointment with his GP, his plan was as follows.
He was going to tell the GP he needed a letter saying he'd not got crabs as he'd told work he had, so he could have a day off, and now they wouldn't let him come back! can you imagine what the doctor would think.
I offered a better solution, "just tell him you've had a one nighter with this bird and there's a rumour going around that she's got crabs, work's heard about this and suspended you as a precaution, that has to sound better". Baz thought about it for a minute or two, "no, I think my story sounds better" he replied, yeah, I thought, better if you're trying to get yourself certified. I mean, would you?

 

Why not just tell the doctor you have gastro.

 

Because he was an idiot! I mean, why keep telling people you've lost a grandparent when you need a day off? most people only have four, No this guy thought that if he rang in with something ordinary they wouldn't believe him, personally I was amazed the doctor didn't lock him up as a nutter. lol