Starting Methadone Program Soon

Discussion in 'Opiates' started by maddhatter, Nov 13, 2012.

  1. maddhatter

    maddhatter Senior Member

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    I've finally decided to go start a methadone maintenance program. Friday is my first dose and I'm feeling like this is going to finally end the mayhem my life has been in since I started doing opiates. Some people feel it's just another addiction I'm switching to from another, but I would only agree to that only as far as the mental and psychological aspects of it go. Financially this is probably the smartest decision I've made my whole life as money was the main factor that turned my life upside down.

    The whole opiate scene came into my life in March 2010. In late February 2010 I took a family vacation to Banff, Alberta just as the Winter Olympics in Vancouver were coming to a close. This trip would mark the last time I was opiate free for a significant time on my own will. The trip mainly consisted of skiing, dining and just having a good time with my family.

    When I got home from this trip I had the usual post-trip blues but it became a lot worse when I got a letter from school stating I had been kicked out of my adult education program for lack of attendance. I fell into a depression that I couldn't get out of, until I bought an OxyContin 40.

    From that moment on I fell into the worst addiction of my life. I was a recreational drug user since '07 but when this drug came into my life I couldn't get my hands off of it.

    Since the start of my addiction I stole around $5000 from my parents, stole from cars, stores, and even friends in order to keep my addiction going. In September 2011 I went to an in-patient treatment program that I wasn't too serious about from the get-go. I've overdosed on 4 different occasions, all of which would have resulted in death had it not been for someone finding me. I've tried counselling and Narcotics Anonymous meetings but those just seemed like places I could vent my frustration.

    Well basically I've finally come to the realization that I may have this addiction for life and if it's gonna be with me I might as well maintain it somewhere that doesn't cost me near as much. That's where the methadone program came in.

    It took me up until a little under a month ago to decide to go on the program, and I couldn't be happier about my decision. Starting Friday, Nov.16 I'll be receiving a daily dose of methadone (I'm unsure how much until Friday).

    So I thank you to anyone who took the time to read this and I just figured I'd post this since it's going to be a huge change in my life. I guess my main concern is that I don't want to be on this program for life but I'll do whatever I have to in order to keep clean and sober.

    If any members have chosen this program I'd love to hear from them and see how it has affected their lives for better or worse.
     
  2. Aerianne

    Aerianne Lifetime Supporter Lifetime Supporter

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    Good move. Congratulations on your decision!
     
  3. eggsprog

    eggsprog anti gang marriage HipForums Supporter

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    Hope everything goes well for you. Keep us updated on your progress (although staying away from this forum altogether might be a healthier choice - triggers and such).
     
  4. ness33

    ness33 Member

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    congratulations. A huge step! Good luck my friend. I know how challenging this addiction is, but you can do it!
     
  5. maddhatter

    maddhatter Senior Member

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    Thanks guys. It can be tough getting this same kind of positive feedback from friends and family when I tell them what I'm starting. They all have the typical ignorant thoughts on methadone and the whole maintenance program. I tell them like it is, which is that either I go on the program or I'm pretty much going to be a junkie for the rest of my life.

    Even after I tell them that a few seem skeptical on the whole concept, but personally I realized that it doesn't matter what they think, it only matters that it works for me. Some of my family have doubts that it will help me at all, but that just gives me more motivation to make this whole thing work out and hopefully get my life back on track.
     
  6. BIGLOU167

    BIGLOU167 Member

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    Smart move maddhatter! I too have been thinking about getting into a methadone program. And considering what I've been going through lately, I have decided to make the same move as you! How long was the screening process? And how does it work if you do not have Medicaid or any health insurance for that matter? I was told that I can pay... Is that true? Good luck on your road to recovery! I really do wish you the best!
     
  7. maddhatter

    maddhatter Senior Member

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    Well for me the process was about 2 weeks, but it can be anywhere from a week to a month long depending on how quick you get the things you need to do done (bloodwork, physical, urine sample, etc). Also depends on how long it takes them to do their part, but most of them are well aware that the faster you get on the better.

    Personally I pay $40 a week for it although I could pay daily and that would be $7/day. I don't work right now and the roofing job in the summer season doesn't provide me with any coverage. I do know however that where I live (Ontario) that I can receive full medical coverage if I just go to school.

    No matter what though, if you are a struggling addict and haven't been successful with any other means of quitting, then this program is probably the best option out there. I started the program today and already I've been able to do things I wouldn't be able to do without it. I feel free to go and look for work now or socialize without the need for pills, and I have so much less anxiety because I don't need to worry about where my next fix is coming from.
     
  8. PhillyRy

    PhillyRy Guest

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    Your post happened to catch my eye and I decided to register on hipforums so I could give you some of my experience.
    I joined a methadone program here in Philadelphia 2 years ago. To say that I was naive to all the goings-on would be an understatement.
    I had really high hopes that this would be the "CURE" to all my problems. In a way, it does allow you to get on with your life, by making it so you don't have to fean/lie/kinive/steal just to get well for the day.
    Here's what you DON'T want to do...
    #1 Don't get involved in the "Clinic Click" ! Get you dose and roll !
    #2 You are your only friend. Trust no-one but the counselors.
    #3 Get an outside support system such as AA or NA (I prefer AA)
    #4 Do yourself a favor and don't keep going UP on your dose. That's what I did. I went all the way up to 200mg's trying to get high, but the thing is that your body quickly gets used-to whatever you give it on a daily basis, so after just a short time, that super-high dose does you no good and now you upped your tolerance and it'll be MUCH harder to get off when the time is right.
    There will be people who know nothing about methadone who will hate on it, but stay strong and know that they're heavily influenced by the many stigma's surrounding methadone treatment.
    Oh, and they will most likely start you on 30mg's and slowly bring you up till your comfortable (usually 5mg's every other day; or sometimes just 10mg's per week).
    Just Remember to stay as low as you can because you won't keep getting high off more MG's for long at all. It'll just become a hindrance TRUST ME!
    Methadone will constipate you, so make sure you eat enough fiber and drink plenty of water or fluids.
    Anyway, feel free to shoot me a message if you want straight forward advice from someone who's been there & done it, I'll do my best to help ya anyway I can.
    Aight Bro, Peace... and just take it easy for now... 4 real... your body needs the rest! Ryan B
     
  9. BIGLOU167

    BIGLOU167 Member

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    Maddhatter, I made that move today as well! One program actually turned me away cause I didn't have Medicaid, I went to another and they screened me. As soon as I got outta there I went to the Medicaid office and applied, they gave me a pending letter which is what the program asked me for. So I'll be going back tomorrow. Hopefully they'll medicate me. The process here is only one to three days. I already gave them my urine, and I saw the counselor, so I may be good to go tomorrow! I'm glad everything is working out for you! I know the feeling of not being able to function with a fix... It makes me very anti social. Lets stay focused!!!! Enjoy the holidays everyone!!!
     
  10. BottleFED

    BottleFED Member

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    MH, Before you read my entire thread, make sure you have an open mind or less as close to it as you can. While I always wish and pray for those who make the decision that opiates, or whatever substance is your addiction, will end your life as you know it if you dont take action, i normally stay away from posts of others who aren't serious about quitting and of those who truely don't know what an addiction to opiates is. After reading your opening post, I came away with the cold, hard truth that you are in fact, tired of having to keep up your addiction and desire someone else do it for you. Like someone else mentioned here, The Methadone program isn't a social program. Its not just about going on Friday to get a dose of Methadone, quite the contrary, its about admitting you have this problem and will go to any lengths to insure you get the help you need. Your addiction, like my addiction and anyone elses addiction, doesnt allow you to step out of your shoes and become one of your family who knows and understands what they have had to go through, witnessing the damage you have done to yourself and others. YOU DO NOT KNOW BOTH SIDES OF YOUR ADDICTION. You dont know what they are seeing and feeling. What crosses their mind when they open their wallet and see that the $40 they had, to be used to buy a few groceries for the household, is gone because you took it to go buy drugs with. To say you understand that at this point is not true!
    Listen bud, I didnt come here to give you a hard time, i only wish the best for your success. But in order for you to be successful you absolutely have to want this no matter what. It is the very first step in getting the help you need, and the very last step in your addiction knowing the next step would be, IN YOUR MIND, the very end of it all. But im wondering if you think you've hit rock bottom? Im not saying you have to hit it, but the closer you are tends to make you more commited than any other time. I say this because your post tells me you aren't as serious as you could be and ill tell you why. In your words:

    .............................................................................................
    I've finally decided

    my first dose I'm feeling like this is going to finally end

    Some people feel smartest decision I've made

    money was the main factor that turned my life upside down.

    opiate scene came into my life

    mark the last time I was opiate free for a significant time on my own will.

    I had been kicked out of my adult education program for lack of attendance. I fell into a depression that I couldn't get out of, until I bought an OxyContin 40.

    start of my addiction

    in-patient treatment program that I wasn't too serious about from the get-go

    I've overdosed on 4 different occasions, all of which would have resulted in death had it not been for someone finding me

    Well basically I've finally come to the realization that I may have this addiction for life

    I might as well maintain it somewhere that doesn't cost me near as much. That's where the methadone program came in.

    It took me up until a little under a month ago to decide to go on the program, and I couldn't be happier about my decision.

    Starting Friday, Nov.16 I'll be receiving a daily dose of methadone

    I guess my main concern is that I don't want to be on this program for life but I'll do whatever I have to in order to keep clean and sober
    ..............................................................................................

    MadHatter, Tell me what these words above mean?

    Those very words tell me, and I'll bet a whole bunch of other people that you aren't serious about quitting opiates, you just think you are. You place blame for your addiction on something else, not yourself. Your whole post reeks of "Woe is Me" but only to the casual reader. Look at the times you use the word "Finally". That and:
    Some People
    The main factor
    Came into my life
    The last time
    on my own will

    See the pattern? You never once take ownership of your addiction or that you are to blame for it. You can not make the journey from addiction to recovery without take the first few steps. Most who have attended AA and NA meetings know what they are, and they are vital to the beginning of recovery no matter what path you choose to get there. Without them, nothing in your post means anything. The 4 ODs you claim to have had, Im not saying you didn't, but if true, those 4 ODs dont even begin to fit into the characterization of how you became addicted. You breezed through them when they should be front and center and the real reason you are at the bottom and looking up for help! What are the real numbers of your addiction? How much do you use and how often? What is your current drug of choice? Do you still have some? Are you in withdrawals? Whats the current status? I realize you didnt come here looking for help on your addiction, but in order to truely take away anything from the support and well wishes you recieve here, you really have to be honest with yourself and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that unless you get the help you need, that you may very well end up dead, or any life close to it!
    Sorry to be so blunt and honest, but I too had to face this hard reality before taking the first step. If you truely want to quit, and you are honest about the commitment you made(read in green) you will feel the pain near equal to all the pleasure every one of the pills gave you. True pain doesnt come from withdrawals or a sprained ankle or broken leg, it comes from within and is by far the worst of them all. The truth, along with that pain is the essence of true recovery. And just so you know, your addiction along with your recovery will be with you for life, only you can make them positive!
     
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  11. maddhatter

    maddhatter Senior Member

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    I gotta say I read your entire post and I would agree with almost every point you made. I never thought someone on the internet would really give to much of a shit about my struggle, but clearly your post just proved me wrong.

    I do however feel that you would need to meet me in person and see me in my daily life to fully have a good understanding of my past actions and what made me do them. I personally feel responsible for each and every event that has inflicted turmoil into my life. My post didn't justify what I truly feel and it may have even come across in a way I didn't intend.

    In all honesty, I've spent months analyzing my actions and trying to justify them but it always results in a feeling of utter guilt. I know that I will never be able to put myself in my parents shoes (or any other family member I hurt) but I'm not redirecting the blame at them or someone other then myself. I can at least acknowledge what I've done myself and I think that was the point you're trying to make.

    As far as my own personal commitment I made, I feel like this program is just a stepping stone to full recovery. My ultimate goal is to be completely opiate-free and that includes methadone. I just feel that with everything I've tried, there's not too many options out there that will truly get me sober. I'm hoping that one day I can quit this program but I feel right now it's like training wheels and until I can go without them I'll just fall back into addiction.
     
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  12. Tboney

    Tboney Member

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    Hey man, good luck to you! I would seriously consider suboxone for treatment! I was a heroin addict for 15 years and then got on methadone... Methadone was harder to get off than dope! Think about it...
     
  13. maddhatter

    maddhatter Senior Member

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    I thought about that for a while, but I chose methadone because it would have taken even longer for me to get on suboxone, and it was vital that I got on something as quick as I could.

    I've been on methadone for 5 days now and I gotta say it's really doing the trick. Everyday I wake up feeling relieved that I don't need to start my day by looking for drugs, or worrying about how I'll get money for them, or even how I'm going to get the drugs. Now I can go to bed comfortably knowing that my dose will be ready as soon as I wake up and it's costing less than a quarter of what my old addiction was costing.

    I'm hoping this program gets me through the next couple years, 'cause ideally I'd like to be off of it by the time I settle down with a good job. I'm not planning anything yet though, and I might be on it for life but at least it's not going to be near as problematic as my previous drug habit.
     
  14. BIGLOU167

    BIGLOU167 Member

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    Bottlefed, wow, that was deep. I read it and it felt like it applied to me as well. Not in it's entirety, but enough for me to realize the error in my own ways! I came here looking for help, and I was surprised to find several people willing to help. They've given me advice, and have lent an ear so that I can vent. I agree with point of view, and such advice could never be harsh, or too offensive! It's tough love! I've taken the advice of a few people on this forum, and have taken the right steps towards my recovery! I'm not gonna lie and say that all is well now, for it definitely is not! But it's a work in progress and I intend to stick to it! Thanks for your words of wisdom, and may they be as helpful to others as they were to me! HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
     
  15. maddhatter

    maddhatter Senior Member

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    It's funny in a way. I almost find it easier to be open on an internet forum where I only know people based on their profile and what I've seen them post. Also I get feedback from people here, that I would never hear in my life outside the internet.

    I'm not saying I haven't been helped on the outside, it's just that people develop an opinion of you easier when they know you in person, so their advise on drug addiction might be a little biased based on who the person is they're giving it to. Online forums, however, offer people a different perspective because the people who you talk to have never met you and therefore can say things that might hurt you but are truthful.

    This doesn't apply to everyone I've met, but I definitely have had more positive feedback from the users of Hip Forums than the majority of people that have tried to help me in my life.
     
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  16. deleted

    deleted Visitor

    you are only 21yr old. you could not have changed your brain chemistry that much using opiates. That you now need to use another opiate to get off the one you are hooked on..

    quit playing the cat and mouse cycle with your brain and body and get 100% clean.
     
  17. maddhatter

    maddhatter Senior Member

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    Orison it's easy for you to just type that and tell me to do that, and I know it is the ideal thing to do, but it's a lot easier said than done. If you read my first post you'd realize I've tried getting clean using every method available, and nothing has worked so far. I mean I tried in-patient treatment, counselling, out-patient treatment, Narcotics Anonymous meetings, and almost every other program that has been offered to me.

    Another thing I tried was switching my drug of choice. I would try smoking more weed or drinking more alcohol to stave off any cravings. This would work short term, but generally the next day, or even once I sobered up, I would end up wanting some form of opiates.

    Methadone truly was the last solution out there. I'm in no ways saying it's the best option, but it's eliminating one of the biggest factors that made my addiction so destructive. That factor is money. I know technically I'm still addicted to an opiate, but it was the money aspect that was doing the real damage, and not the drug itself. I have gone from spending $80 a day to only $40 a week, so I'm sure you can see why I consider methadone such a lifesaver.
     
  18. BIGLOU167

    BIGLOU167 Member

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    I had a dose increase today, I am now on 70mgs of meth. Joining the meth program was the best thing I could've done! I've cut back drastically on the heroin, which for me is a big plus! Good luck to everyone trying to make a change... Stay focused!
     
  19. Cgambino

    Cgambino Member

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    Stay strong brother and get that garbage out of your life. Opiates are straight from Hell.
     
  20. MagicSwhirlingShip

    MagicSwhirlingShip Member

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    I got on the methadone program when I was 20 im 23 now and have been off it for well over a year i was on it for about two and I will say it completely ruined my life and I should have NEVER gotten on it the things I use to do to get money to get to the clinic along with the benzo addiction I copped all the times I got arrested it took 90 days in jail for me to grow the fuck up and stop acting like a junkie bitch and you can do it too you just need to hit a bottom like I did or IDK what you need man but methadone atleast for me was nowhere near the answer your young like me you should be out chasing girls and getting your life situated for an adult life and I lost out on alot of that cause of addiction I guess I just grew up it took me the jail then a serious ass 6 month program where i actually WANTED to get clean.
     

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