this is hard to say, but it's almost 2 a.m. and i'm drunk enough to be honest... i probably won't be putting in locks any time soon. i thought i was going to because i very much wanted to... but i put too much pressure on myself to be perfect, and locks don't fit into that. i'm sorry... because i feel like i am letting everyone down. i wish i could explain it better, but i really can't. just that... when i get depressed this is the most honest i feel. so this is the bulk of it. dreadlocks won't make me what i want to be. maybe once i get there i'll realise it's asinine and will do what i please. but until then... i'm sorry soaringeagle. i'm still making your hat. promise. to the rest of you... maybe i'll see you in a couple years. once i realise that conformity and a spectacular body are overrated. but right now... that realisation isn't strong enough to override the rest. peace. o
ok u;ll start talking we'll finnish tomoroew i would keep this all private between us and everything we talk about tomorow will be but ..i'm going to start tonight,because i think more then just you might benifitr bunny..you pay attention too but oshhinn my sweet oshinn you knowi can tell so much about you all your life your family expected far too much from you, they pushed you towards goals that were never your own, in fact, you never really were even allowed goals of your own, or had no room for them alwats trying to keep up with reaching theyre expectations abiout 13 ..depression hit..along with severe body issues you always felt the need to fit in to be exactly what they expectrd you to be..hell not only them but everyone you moukded yourself around the image that others expected of you, boyfreinds especialy 1 word would make u change who you were and how u acted..u never fely a true sence of self all you hasd real control over was what u wore and how u ate..or didnt eat.. u became obseessed over the perfect body never really feeling youd come close )(all the pictures weve seen are neck up although u can tell your very thin, u still feel u have too far to go to even be concidered ok) you long for an indiciduality, u desire your own specialness you want to dread so badly but in yoyr head u feel youd be doing others wrong who expect dofferent from you.. i think you know that it can set u free from the binds of conformity.. from the expectations of perfection but that takes strength strengty you dsont always feel you have strength you gain though with every lil step.. i want you to do something..i want yoiuto wipe away any makeip u are wearring.. i want you to just mess yp your hair as much as u can.. then i want you to take off your clothes, look at yourself in the mirror and thoink about everyone who ever made u feel nit good enough..and just when your about to break down in tears.. i wanht you to scream louid as u can..fuck you all i am good enough and i always have been..and i will never hurt myself or go against my nature to please anyone ever again now that u have pushed aside all those expectations from outside yourself.. sit quietly... thinmk about everyone whosever saidanything kindtoi you supportive and complimentsry every 1 who ever said they adnmire you (not anything that was simply admiring you for your too skinmy body but only those who really admre tour amazing p[ersonaloty and inner beauty) start to remember all the good things youve done for ithers as well.. and begin to compile s list of things you want just for you, not to please anyone else but to please you.. if dreads are on that list..let yourself dread.. but..as your doctor i am prescribing natural dreads, not backcombed, because u need to totaly abanhdoin your need to strive for perfection.. u need to just let go..not care.. be at peace with letting nature take its course and guide your journy and your life antrgig else on that list shiuld be thing s you want for you that improve your happiness (no bullshitting yourself here, if u dare include losing 5 more pouns and actualy think that will help i will have to waste hundresds of hours wiyth u making sure u see reality more clearly.. in fact..i want u to run the list by me so we can reallu dicesct each item and make sure each is strictly for you..and healthy for you.. youyr dread journy has begun tonight.. it began with a birthing pain.. but its begun..not how u exxpected, but how was right for you.. remember its more then just a physical hairstyle..its also a spirituakl rebirth.. your just experienfcin some labour pains tonight tomorow.. if you try to do anything even remotely like i asked you..and u spend a few hoiurs talking to me im beyying u feel like a whole new woman on a whole new path.. if i knew you felt this way..if u knew youd had to deal with such feelings..i would have begged you to go natural from the day i met you.. dont u worry biout my hat/not till i at least spend ay least 100 hours or more trying to help u feel better about yourself and your place in this world..it will be our barter..ok? this may take time..it mat yake trust and it may take tears..but dont u worry..u got a good freind to rely n to help you through the birthing pains and send u on your way to..just feeling ok osnt it kinda sick how the harder your pushed towards being perfect.. the more u accomplish towards being nesar perfect.. the hardfer it is to simply say..im ok fuck perfectuion.. start today and just...be ok love tyou and forgive me if thisd was hard on you..or if i was far off on any details..i dont know u well enough yet to judge..but i understand and i also want to say sorry forever saying your beautiful..i know now in a way thats been more of a curse then anyting \ from now im ill just say.. your ok and u will be..i prpmice i know u hate the phone but..take my number anyway for in cse u really ever just need it..ok? goodnight..and we will talk tomorow..do u have 6-10 hours to spare? id loketo talkj at least that many hoirs tompro if we can (u can tell bty my typing how lil i care about perfection cant u?) if u can read it..its ok if you can be happy.. your ok we'll get u there..
sometimes i feel like theres pressure on everyone to be 'perfect', and sometimes im really happy with what ive got (big arse, podgy belly, ugly face) but other times it really gets me down.. i know how you feel i guess, just take your time to deal with it, its only you who can make any decision about your hair/body/life i think i just got to a point where i thought 'fuck off, i dont wanna be a size zero, i dont wanna have hair that looks like everyone else, i dont wanna be like anyone else'.. so im not. im me. granted ive only got 5 dreads left of my head, but ill get them back soon enough. im happy the way i am, and i think you need to work towards getting yourself content with how you are, thats the first step. get happy. *huggles for you* oh and dont apologise,, no one can blame you for getting sad/upset/depressed, it happens. just know that people are happy to talk to you and try and make you feel better =]
sorry to hear that things are so difficult for some of us. i too have been dealing with depression for a few recent years. i'm a believer in natural healing, but needed modern medicine to keep me out of the graveyard at my somewhat young age. i know things can be different for men and women, but never feel that you're alone. my dreads, although anything but perfect, have actually helped me in a weird way. yeah, i have been fighting with this super gnarly dandruff problem, but that's nothing new. i'm super tired of the stupid questions we all get everyday. i worry the roots won't knot up enough and they'll wind up making me look like a moron. besides all of that bullshit, i've actually gained confidence recently, and i owe it to my new dreads. the "fuck it" attitude has kept me focused on things that truly matter. i just woke up, and I'm not sure if any of what i just said made any sense. but it's alright. you knowing i took the time to type something should be plenty for you to know that even though i don't know you, i still care. now i'm going to try and find some grub, cuz i've got a rumblee in my tumblee. -Jason
i came looking fot u yhe momment i woke up, havent even had my coffee yet 1st thing on my mind when i opened my eyes was to come see of your ok.. today is a new day..its a lil brighter then the darkness of last night lets look at things more clearly now without the alsahols haze wether u dread or you dont dont matter to noone we love you still.. but you gotta do whats right for you and i mean whats right for you not what u think u should do cause every1 expects you to.. if u do choose to dread..let it be therapudic in fact..theres a nother gorgouse dready here who had simmular struggles till she chose to dread..she dont post much here but i'll put u in touch \ and smelly..if u call that an ugly face 1 more time i'm commin after u next i cant say nuthin boyt your belly or butt but your favce is pretty as can be i do worry lil bit bout the smell situayion tho..lol (jokin) we all love u oshinn and if u dare feel embarraesed about this..about being a human with human feelings in a world full of people who push you the wrong way and make u feel horrible about yourself..just..beware if u try to disapear and hide i'll chase after ya and wghip ya with a dread tioll u come back sit down and talk to me/us and get past ths millions of other girls go through the sae shit yoir going through..it aint you thats fucked up its the ones who mafde u feel so bad whpo really are the sad pathetic ones we love you and we aint lettin u go that easily (every1 pile on for a great big dready group hug)
I'm about 285lbs, so I should jump in the pile first, in order not to hurt any of you smaller ones. the phrase, "life is too short" gets used so loosely all of the time, but there is definitely a lot of truth to it. you will get past the down times, and they may re-emerge, but there's nothing more important in life than living it how you want to.
Be who you are, don't put on a false persona....most people do in at least someway or another (I've fallen victim as well) and it will always catch up with you, in this life or the next (if there is one). To much pressure to be perfect? Well, perfect according to what and who? Society? You? What do you define as perfect in regards to a human being? It's impossible my friend....we're all flawed to some degree. If you truly don't want dreads don't grow em, you're not letting any of us down (that's ridiculous). I mean I'd love to see another dread head, but if you grew em for others rather than yourself than I would rather you not grow em at all. Do what you see fit man, it's your life, don't be over concerned with the thoughts of others....we are who we are so there's no need to pretend to be anything other than just that.
I don't think saying this sort of thing is the right way to go about things. you may not mean to sound cruel, and might even be making light of the situation, but not everyone appreciates this sort of talk. Just suggesting to be a little more sensitive, that's all. peace.
as aposed to looking like afucking insensitive asshole? ive seen posts like yours put piople in comas ive seen peiople nearly die because ofd insensitive lil assholes who just want to laugh at others misery what the hell makes your life so fucking perfectthat you never felt bad a single day in your live? what makes u like to jab sticks into open wounds and laugh aboutthe screams of pain? grow the fuck up or get therapy youyr either incredibly imature..or a sociopathic sadist probly the imature but eithrr way u need some sence smaclked into you when you say this shit..do you realize that the person u say it to is asreal person with real feallings ot do u bealieve its just words piut there to sistract you from mindlkessentertainment are you thois much of an ashole to every1 u meet? she maybe deink and whinning in pain.. but i see you as the weak one the 1 who hates himself far more then she ever has and i see you as having far less people who care.because u push them away acting like a retard (my opiligies to all retarded people of tye world for the comparison) why do u insist on kicking some1 when theyre down? does that make u feel so big and strong? are we suposed to be impressed? i pity you
this is not a place for immature little babies who can't control their mouths. internet bullies are the worse kind. if you had any clue who you were talking to you'd probably change your tone, my little prepubescent friend. I live in Sacramento California and would gladly enlighten you whenever your balls drop and you are of legal age. it's okay though, keep it up, whatever makes you feel better. we still love you even though you use the internet to make yourself feel better and to bash others, while you masturbate to free porn and wish you were a man. we're all God's children...and that includes morons like you. I thank Him for natural selection.
well to advertise on a forum, u usually have to have permission by the admin or mods or some crap, so thats why. and u also cant disprove God, so its a moot point.
okay, in order to make peace, i take back the "child" remarks. the one calling you a moron, I will not. you can be one of those at any age. internet trolls are hopeless regardless of sex, age, etc. may God have mercy on your mother and father for your conception, since they probably don't know what they're responsible for bringing into the world.
Wow, ok, back to the original poster's thoughts... I've been down the same road. I had dreads (several times), took them out to be perfect. I am trying to let go of that wanting to be perfect. I have also developed an eating disorder and become so confused some times after trying so hard to please others and be perfect that I just don't even know myself anymore. I'm here if you need me, sister. I've been there...might still be there somewhat. Maybe we can help each other?
hempmomma thank ytou ]i just got donetalking to her shes alot better today, might quite drinking for good (doesnt have a problem, never realluy even liked it) and shes in bettr shape i'll keeop talkin to her workin towards bein more whle (and u 2 hempmomma u know we've been needin to talk more anyways) alotta ppl been there and alotta insensitave assholes complicate the matter but dont yas worry the dresdy community in genberals a caring community so we can all together go on a quest for imperfection imperfections should be celebrated i know 1 woman..absolutelty beautiful older woman with a 6 or 8 inch long goatee beard instead of being ashamed of tyhe so called imperfection she celebrated the uniqueness and braids it and hangs lil decorative trinklets in it in a way thats why i suggested the natural route, every imperfection bexomes celebrated as it becomes the individualirty of each dread..uniquely imperfect but perfectly one of a kind..never to cionform to the will of anyone but the own nature of the dread
