Thought I might post some of my old screwups for those more recent forums members--hope you enjoy----------------------------------------------------------Back about 1959,a friend of mine wanted a monkey(what the hell for ,I never found out).So we get in his mom's car and head to a town about 30 miles away to get one.Browsed around in the pet shop for a while and he finally picked out a capuchin monkey and paid about 30 bucks for it with a cage and a leash.We started back home with the monkey in the cage in the back seat.He had the short chain leash on-(the monkey of course).Well,the monkey was sitting quietly in his cage--looking so cute and calm.I was driving and my friend Bill was talking to and making little noises at his monkey.Pretty soon he said"I think I'll open the cage-the guy said he was tame".Whudia think?I told him"Bill,I sense trouble.I sense BIG trouble".Bill said"ah fuck it--he'll be alright".With that he opened the cage.I want to state right here--you have not been witness to a true clusterfuck until you've been driving down the road at 70 miles an hour with a Screaming,crapping, biting monkey attached to a chain,going round and round inside of a car trying to take a bite out of any flesh that came close to his mouth!!I managed to get the car stopped in a giant cloud of dust and we piled out ,covered in monkey shit and let the critter have the car.Cars stopped and people asked if we were OK--but when they saw what had happened,they all had a great laugh at our expense!!I honestly don't remember how or if we got that monkey back in the cage or what,but something very similar happened when we tried to give him a bath.It seems monkeys don't like water very much.--Well,they kept the monkey for a while and he took a liking to Bill's mom and would sit next to her on their couch.He was quit jealous of Bill's Dad and would raise hell if he got too close to the mom.I guess the final straw was when the monkey buried his face in Bill's dad's crotch and bit him on the nutsack for getting too close to Bill's mom!!I did not make the trip back to return him.-------------------------------(I have more if anyone's up for 'em)
Haha. I feel bad for laughing at that poor monkey's suffering, though... I hope this story will be a lesson to everyone who thinks it's a good idea to take wild animals away from their families and out of their natural habitats. But if we're exchanging stories about wild animals, then I have one to share about my dad and a raccoon...
Thanks all---here's another:-----Lunchmeat in your shoes!That's funny.(< responding to another story).Here's one,although I'm not sure it was dumb.Anyway,when I was going to college,I lived in a duplex and my neighbor was a little dweeb that managed a Sprouse-Ritz ,or some such.A totally square and straight guy.Well,my side of the duplex was a party house and I,of course,played music as loud as I wanted ,but I told him if the music was too loud,to bang on the wall and I would turn it down.One night I was cranking something,probably Little Richard and was pretty well lubricated,when I heard a little bang on the wall.So,of course,I banged back(obviously according to our previous agreement).He banged louder--I banged louder--he banged louder--I banged louder--BANG--his little dweeb fist came right through the wall!!My guests were laughing their asses off and I stuck my face up to the hole and hollered"Damn I bet you wish you hadn't done that"!!---Unfortunately for him,our landlord came around the next day to check his place out and when he asked me if my neighbor's tale of woe was true,so I told him "my stereo had been broken for a month-sir".Poor little dweeb got kicked out for being too rowdy.Oh well--they come and they go.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------(I wish to state that I have been sorry for some of the things I did when young---I was a wild man,I guess)
