social issues

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by mountaingirl, Jan 6, 2005.

  1. mountaingirl

    mountaingirl Member

    hi. i know this might seem lame or whatever, but i needed to get it out just to be out. i have just realized recently that i don't warm up to other chicas of like mind that would be awesome friends, cause i'm afriad my man will fall in love with them and leave me for them becasue they are cooler than me. one time he had a short crush on one of my good friends and i have been paranoid it would happen again. he never left me and quickly got over her, like after the second he told me about it. i really want to meet more like minded chicas and know it'd be a good bonding expereince and a lot of fun to hang out with other girls, but i always get paranoid that he's gonna think they're better than me...i usually keep to myself or play music with guy friends. i just wish i had better self esteem...i know i'm a cool person, but i always tend to think everyone else is way cooler and shoot myself down. does anyone else ever feel like this? how did you get over this hang up...i really need to get over it. thanks.
     
  2. Applespark

    Applespark Ingredients:*Sugar*

    If it's real with your man you won't have to think he's going anywhere and you can hang out anyplace with anyone around with or without him in total trust of each other that later you will be returing to each other in total honesty and love for each other...the more you cant trust each otehr and don't love yoruself ... however long that may last in yoru life you will continue to have the same relationship problems over and over. YOU have to make it happen what YOU want in your life.
     
  3. MiddleSista

    MiddleSista Member

    My x-man was a cheater so.. for a long time when I did not have much of a self esteem I was real paranoid about other girls.. But I realize after searching a long time that I was the only person who could change things for the better. I still have a long road to travel but it's only getting better. You really just need to realize what I realized I'd rather be by myself then be with someone who only pretended to really love me. If your love is true then all the things that you think would attract your man to another woman won't matter b/c they aren't you!! You really need to keep that in mind. The only thing that these feelings are causing is holding you back.. Don't waste what you got! Love yourself and you will find happiness!! Good Luck..:)
     
  4. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

    I had a friend who sprung on my ex whenever she knoew she would end up spending the night she would wear the sluttiest jamies ever and like sit indian style ont he couch. I never worried about it though and eventually she made him feel so uncomftrable that she wasn't allowed to sleep over anymore. Is this an issue with you feeling insecure or your bf making you feel insecure?
     
  5. mountaingirl

    mountaingirl Member

    it's me more than anything. i just feel so lucky to be with the guy i have...i guess i'm just a pessimist...i'm always expecting something bad to happen when i have something good
     
  6. lynsey

    lynsey Banned

    you have to make sure that he feels lucky to have you through-that's his responsibility. I have very few female friends who I keep in contact with, I don't really enjoy the company of other women as I do men, maybe that's what's up with you. regardless do something that takes your mind off of you insecurities and develops your self esteem and if the relationship itself is making you feel insceure than fuck that don't stay in it.
     
  7. mountaingirl

    mountaingirl Member

    thanks for the suggestions...i'll keep on truckin...and yeah, i do have more guy friends than girls...maybe that's just my thing and i'm overemphasizing the girl bonding thing when it really doens't matter. thanks. peace
     
  8. I have a really hard time bonding with other females also for some reason. I've always had more male friends.....not because I'm jealous of other women or anything, I just have always felt more comfortable around guys.

    Just remember, if it's meant to be it will be. You can't spend all your time worrying....that's got to be miserable. Be Happy!!! :p

    I hope things work out for you!
     
  9. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Staff Member Super Moderator

    there is a down side to the guys that love sistas...we KNOW they are attracted to teh idea.
    BUt, that doesn't mean he'd do anything (not that being jealous and freaking would matter)
    do you have male friends? He trusts you around them, I'd bet (then again most guys know exactly how their friends are dweebs)
    Trust him and accept what flows and don't cut yourself short of friendships.
     
  10. I know what you mean about the pessimist attitude when you get a guy who finally treats you right. I had way too many dickhead boyfriends in the past. I was so suspicious at first with my current boyfriend, which I've now been dating for 4 1/2 years. But by this point, I know he loves me & wouldn't leave me for anyone, especially one of my friends. I have a lot of friends, mostly females. Some of my best friends are female. I wouldn't let that influence your idea of embracing more females as friends. Everyone should put themselves out there, life is too short. If you're worried or intimidated about losing him, then what happens-happens. You need trust in a serious relationship. Also, you should definitely work on your self esteem, what is it that troubles you? I once had very low self esteem, but I no longer do. I've worked at it. And, if he is attracted to some of your friends, so what? I'm attracted to one of my boyfriend's friends too, no big deal. Me & my bf are pretty open about that stuff by this stage in our relationship. It's human nature to be attracted to people. Whether it's a friend of yours or a stranger, he's still looking somewhere. Also, I can also say when I meet new friends I wonder the same thing. If he's gonna think they are hotter or because they are new or whatever. Most of my friends are pretty attractive so, it is a tough situation if I were to focus on this. Don't worry so much, & if you want, pm me about this.
     

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