So watcha' got? Challenge me.

I am a professional cook, but besides that I specialize in what I call "scrounge cooking". I can go as far downtown as you want to go, but what really turns my crank is taking seemingly unusable ingredients and turning them into palatable food. I have often cooked meals for friends after the bar from stuff they had lying around, some disasters, but nobody died. So what's in your freezer right at the back?, what did your last GF/BF leave you that you have no idea how to deal with?, and what the hell is that big yellow thing? I establish the following guidelines though, no spices(I can't make anything substantial from nothing, but if you want to include one or two, sarright!), a $3 shopping budget of things that may be available from a convenience store, I will assume you have salt, pepper, some kind of oil, access to a heat source and potable water, and hopefully flour.
Sock it to me!
C/O