So, I'm a bit retarded when it comes to men.. .

Hi

I used to use these forums a lot back in the day and I remember people gave really honest advice and feed back so I thought I'd pop back in.

Anyway, this is the story...
I had been talking to a guy online for quite some time and we met about a month ago. We ended up hitting it off and spent the weekend together. He lives a long distance from me (about a 5 hour trip ) but we text a lot and I drove up to see him this weekend.

He's really nice to me, the sex is amazing and there really aren't any issues, but I just can't tell if he's only in it for the sex or he wants more. I feel it's far too early to be having that conversation with him, but I feel like I need to know because of the distance and the investment of time and money to see each other. So maybe you guys can help me figure it out?

When we are together he is really affectionate, wants to kiss and cuddle, lay on the couch together and watch movies etc. When we go to bed he is always at least touching me ifof not holding me...but he hardly talks. When we aren't together he texts a lot, mostly sexual, but also general 'how was your day' type stuff. We haven't gone out together, but it's early days and we have only seen each other twice...or he's not planning on leaving the bedroom.

My ex showed up in town the other day wanting to catch up and when I mentioned it he pretty much told me he didn't like the idea of me doing that and that he had no intention of sleeping with anyone else. Which would generally lead me to believe that there was some relationship intention... except that he referred to himself as my 'new fuck'.

so yeah... I'm just not sure. I like the guy, I'd like more than just sex and I'm willing to put the time and effort into making it work, but there doesn't seem much point if it's just a sex thing.

Thoughts?

 

if he hasn't introduced you to his friends i think you have your answer.

 

Why don't you just talk to him about it? You've known him for a while at least, and it's not like the sex happened all of the sudden. There must have been a gradual build-up that led to that. Either that, or some sort of magical switch had been turned on during whatever conversation you were having with him. In any case, there's nothing wrong with talking about the future. That's what I think, anyway.

 

I thought this to...but as a friend pointed out, if I see him is just while I'm in town overnight and then I leave. So is it that he doesn't want to, or that there hasn't been an opportunity?

I guess I just have to ask him.

 

Theres your answer

 

Ask him, but don't assume everything he says is true. Some men will say anything not to lose a fuck. With 5h drive between you, he could be engaged to another and you wouldn't know.

Good luck and I hope it all works out well for both of you.

 

its just sex

 

I think it's just sex to...

Up to me to decide if that's enough I guess.

Thanks guys

 

ya beat its for you to decide.if your happy in it an both just want the same thing,the best a luck ta ya.if its not what you want ta be in you don't havta be cos its your life ta live your own way.whatever way that makes ya happy:grouphug:

 

I would call him out on it and maybe hint at perhaps staying longer with him just to see how he reacts. If he starts pushing you out or giving off the sort of vibe that he wants you out of his hair then you'll have your answer that it's probably just sex.

Don't be overtly pushy though, but make your intentions known even if you have to verbally state it.

 

He's not pushing me out at all... if anything he is the one wanting longer together, but we just haven't been able to do it because of other commitments.

 

What does the future look like? Are there any plans (from either of you) to move closer? Will your paths cross naturally?

Is he really focused on school / his career? If he is you probably will fall second to those things for now.

Guys are usually willing to move closer or MAKE it work if it's something they really care about. I'm not saying he doesn't care about you, but it sounds like he might not be as ready as you are for the next level.

Hope this helps.

 

well, they've only met twice.

well, they've only met twice.



i see no evidence really supporting either theory. i think you'll have to just talk to the guy and find out.

 

This is only a pretty new thing... bit soon to be making future plans.

I'm just trying to weigh up my options I guess and looking for objective opinions.

 

that's right, get him to introduce you to people around him. But I don't think he worth the time and effort from you though.

 

May I ask what makes you say that?

 

I would see if he's willing to make the 5 hr. drive to see you. Have never been in a long distance relationship. It takes 2 for any relationship to work.

 

That was my plan

 

Coming from a guy who has a lot of sex with multiple women... not that i know about these other guys sex lives... but

sounds like he likes you to me.. when im with a girl for just sex.. thats why im with the girl.. i like to hit it and leav.. if he cuddles. kisses. holds hands etc. he actually likes you.

 

Its way too early, but it's all good signs. Go along with it "assuming" he wants it to last. If it goes otherwise, it'll happen naturally.