So I wanna try to get into a new relationship but....

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by Carlfloydfan, Jan 23, 2005.

  1. Carlfloydfan

    Carlfloydfan Travel lover

    Yeah I wanna try a new relationship but I am afraid there is still some sort of feelings for my ex, mostly because I still have the "what ifs" and the thoughts that things could have been better. I think she was the right person/wrong time too.

    I don't want to be unfair to the next girl but I also want to move on. What should I do? The first two girls I dated were so easy to get over...But this third girl, I've never been so hung up on someone and I need to get over her so do you think I need to give it some time before trying a new relationship? If I do take time, I'll just spend it missing my ex. I can't get her outta my mind....ughhh. So maybe a new gf would be good. Plus, being on a small campus, it would diminish the chances of seeing her.

    This one girl I met is wicked cool and sweet and fun to hang out with and I think she feels the same. I mean, she isn't as cute as my last, and that I did notice, granted she is still cute. She is pretty smart too and is easy going and outgoing it seems for the most part which I like. I guess she drinks sometimes so that is good cause parties are cool from time to time and she is probably a better drunk too, I can almost tell....but I dunno, she still made me forget about my ex for at least some of the time.
     
  2. lawngirl

    lawngirl Member

    you probably should give it some time. you said that this new girl you met took your mind off of your ex for a while, but you still "noticed" that she was cute, but, "she isn't as cute" as your ex.

    it's not fair to be compairing your new girl, or a potential girlfriend, to your ex. i don't know anything about your relationship, but i do know that it's easy to look back at some past relationships and remember only the good... and if you're compairing the chicks you meet to what seems "ideal" in your mind, you'll only be disappointed. so it's not fair to you either. even if you broke up for a reason beyond your control, like living too far apart, it's easy to turn your memories of your ex into a lofty ideal that nobody else will measure up to.

    when you have a girlfriend, she deserves to be the one in your thoughts and atop the proverbial pedestal... not your ex. wait until you're able to meet someone and think, "wow, this person is awesome!" not, "wow, this person is pretty cool, although compaired to my ex.... _(fill in the blank: ie., 'she just doesn't measure up')_." trust me -- no girl wants to be kissed by someone who is thinking about their ex, and how much better their lips would taste. it's also not fair for you to force yourself to move on if you're not ready to.
     
  3. crummyrummy

    crummyrummy Brew Your Own Beer Lifetime Supporter

    yes. dont enter a realtionship until you are ready to be in a relationship. everyone gets hurt if you rush. trust me.
     
  4. headymoechick

    headymoechick I have no idea

    you could talk to her and tell her what's up. Don't tell her you think your ex is cuter though! Let her know that you like her and want to start a relationship with her, but you also want to be fair to her and get over your ex completely. She'll respect that ( I think) and you'll be honest with her from the get go. Be friends at first and hang out together. You can't spend your time wallowing away over this girl. Maybe you should contact your ex and get some closure that it will never work again. Sounds like you won't rush into anything, as you stated the cons of that yourself. Keep thinking that way. Give yourself time and go out and have fun. Don't get into anything serious, but it's no harm to have a few dates and make out with a few girls as long as you're honest with them.

    Time heals all. I promise you won't die longing for this chick.
     
  5. Carlfloydfan

    Carlfloydfan Travel lover

    what kinda tecniques should I use to get her out of my head? I'd love to stay in touch with her...but maybe I should not see her or talk to her for a while? And time is a huge factor, my heart will heal with time I know and soon I'll be ready again.
     
  6. Carlfloydfan

    Carlfloydfan Travel lover

    Well, she pretty much completely hinted at liking me (everything but actually saying "I like you"). I do like her even though the ex still is in the back of my mind. But I wanted to be honest cause I do want a relationship and I think this well help me move on and I know I will be sweet to her.
     
  7. lawngirl

    lawngirl Member

    mmmm.. the only thing is, though, if you're compairing her to your ex, that's bad.

    i'd just be honest with her... tell her you really like her, as well, but you just got out of a relationship and need some time. hah, actually, i was reading some of the other posts, and i agree with headymoechick completely. like she said, call your ex and get some closure first. if you're hung up on your ex, you're going to compair your future girlfriends to her, and they will never live up to your ideals.

    it's not fair to either of you. if your heart still belongs to your ex, you won't be able to give it to someone else.
     
  8. Carlfloydfan

    Carlfloydfan Travel lover

    you're right. I'm sorry, I don't want to come off as a jerk, I am just so confused right now and I want to work at making everything alright.

    I dunno about my ex, I thought we would remain friends cause she even said she wanted it and I did too although her mixed messages made me realize there were feelings that I still have.

    But right now I want to see her make an effort so I am cutting myself off from her cause I don't want to be to pushy right now and screw up a friendship.
     
  9. lawngirl

    lawngirl Member

    that makes a lot of sense... if you maintain a friendship with your ex, make sure your new girlfriend is your priority. for example, don't break a date with your new girl to help your ex with something. and make sure that you wouldn't leave your new girl for your ex, if your ex wanted you back. that might sound kind of painfull... it's hard, cause you can't really force yourself to move on, but you also shouldn't pass her up and miss your chance, either.

    don't put too much pressure on yourself to get over your ex amd make everything alright. that's a lot of stress and frustration. i guess i'd just try and be as relaxed as possible, in general. look for happiness everywhere, not just where your ex was concerned. like if your ex was a wicked artist, and your new girl's art pales in compairison, find happiness in the way she cooks, or dances, or whatever... something that makes her her, and unique. just enjoy being with her, and focus on the ways she makes you grin.
     
  10. Carlfloydfan

    Carlfloydfan Travel lover

    Thanks a lot for the help! It gets easier with every passing day. But I also believe that everyone at some point has that one ex or other crush/friend you knew at some point in your life that you will always remember....Maybe even have (subtle) feelings for. In other words, that one that got away. I also believe in "right person, wrong time". Certian cicrumstances a person faces can make relationships difficult even if it is the greatest person you have ever met. What do you think?

    This may be the one girl that will always be in the back of my mind no matter who I meet or how much I fall in love with someone else, I will always wonder "what if", maybe even just out of curiousty...If that makes sense, its hard to write what my mind is thinking. I think she will always be there subtly, but another very romantic relationship will def. be possible and her memory certiannly won't be distracting in the time to come, that I know.

    And, maybe I am wrong, maybe I will forget her or just think of her as a friend....Maybe not even...who knows
     
  11. lawngirl

    lawngirl Member

    that's a really awesome way of looking at it. it's definitely respectable. :D it leaves and begins everything as positive, honest and sweet as possible. happy beginnings to you and your new lady!
     
  12. Carlfloydfan

    Carlfloydfan Travel lover

    Yeah a lot of my friends I have talked to for advice and stuff said it seems pretty normal what I am going through. I know a few of my friends still have some feelings or at least thoughts about past relationships but they know never to act on them and realize things probably won't work. And some have even been able to remain friends. So, I will take what other have taught me and smile, heh.
     
  13. Carlfloydfan

    Carlfloydfan Travel lover

    Its been ten days, things are okay...Don't spend as much time with her as i have with past gfs...not that she is any busier...all my gfs have been pretty damn busy though...Maybe its just the novelty of that first girl that makes you want to spend a lot of time together. And my 2nd girl, although very cute and pretty and nice, was in her first relationship which made her want to spend a lot of time with me. But now, this is a relationship with two experienced people...so who knows, the novelty is not there...maybe that is what I miss.
     

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