[SIZE=10.5pt]Hey you guys! [/SIZE] I have a problem about if Im bi or not. Heres my story: [SIZE=10.5pt]I have always also checked out women and secretly admired women's bodies. But in the past I have alllllways pushed away all these attractions and thought them to be normal for a straight girl. Also I only really rarely allowed myself to watch lesbian porn because hey, I am (or thought I was) straight so I can't find that hot. I thought I was a lesbian like a few times during my teens (because of sexual attraction to women/girls) but then everytime I eventually concluded that I couldnt be a lesbian because I was attracted to guys. Bisexuality in my head wasnt a real thing back then.[/SIZE] [SIZE=10.5pt]Since over a year now (through a queer friend who was very open about everything) I started to not push away all these thoughts and attractions towards women anymore but rather explore what/how deep these attractions are. In practice that meant: -I broke up with my long-term boyfriend (partly because of my strong urge to explore my sexual orientation)[/SIZE] [SIZE=10.5pt]-I had a crush on this queer friend (but never went anywhere bc she's ace+aro)[/SIZE] [SIZE=10.5pt]-I have since then all these mini / day crushes on girls and genderqueer people (and sometimes also on guys but I unconsciously pushed my attraction to guys away in this last year to validate that I'm in whichever way queer/part of the community. Recently I have realized this mechanism and I'm trying to stop it because that's not real and free either. ) [/SIZE] [SIZE=10.5pt]-I made out (and a little more) with 2 of my girl friends and that was good but not like 'wooooooow'...I think because I didnt find them attractive -I made out with a girl at a gay club and oh wow that felt really good[/SIZE] [SIZE=10.5pt]-I had a crush on a girl from my college and we flirted and I started talking to her and we hung out and talked and it didnt feel like a normal girl friend hangout but there was more to it...sexual tension and like a spark or something. We made out, had sex and yeah that felt really good. We started dating and are now together since summer. Sometimes I am really in love with her but more often I am questioning my love to her and that is soooooooooooo frustrating, confusing, mindfucking....[/SIZE] [SIZE=10.5pt]She has also only recently (since 1 year) found out she likes girls but for her it was the resolution and she is probably a lesbian but she is not sure yet but it really seems like that. When she tells me about how she is so sure that she likes girls etc, it makes me feel so jealous. I sometimes wish I was straight or gay. There you have the resolution that you like one and you don't like other genders. [/SIZE] [SIZE=10.5pt]Anyways I am her first partner (in a relationship) and she is soooo in love with me. I really have loved my ex and I can say compared to that, my love for her is not that strong. I mean I like her and I also feel romantically attracted to her sometimes but it is not consistent. Sometimes she feels more like a friend, sometimes more like an affair. (ok, the romantic feelings for my ex boyfriend werent consistent either, but stronger and a bit more consistent.) And she doesn't know. Well she knows that I sometimes still question my sexuality but she for sure doesnt know how unsure I am.[/SIZE] [SIZE=10.5pt]Anyways when I picture myself in the future I see myself with a guy (in an open relationship where I can also have affairs with people of whichever genders).[/SIZE] [SIZE=10.5pt]I also have the feeling that I do not have the ability to truly love women. I dont know why and I have thought myself to being able to, but my feeling tells me that it feels different with guys. I think it's not the heteronormative society that drives me here because honestly i don't care if I am with whatever gender in public. I am out to all important people in my life as bi / pan. [/SIZE] [SIZE=10.5pt]Whenever I hear bisexuals talk about how they have known all their lives that they are bi and fell in love with a person of the same sex in like preschool I really feel like I am not a 'true' bisexual because that didn't happen to me...just with guys.[/SIZE] [SIZE=10.5pt]I feel like a horrible person who is betraying the LGBT* community because I might 'talk a step back' and not refer to me as bisexual anymore because I probably can't fall in love with girls. I am so ashamed that now especially gays and lesbians will have a living evidence in me being the 'just-experimenting-actually-straight-claims-to-be-bi girl'.[/SIZE] [SIZE=10.5pt]And I feel like a liar to everyone I came out to because I have for a year claimed to be bi. Also I hate that I again would confirm the biphobic stereotypes that especially bi women are just experimenting, will end up with a guy.... (which I try so hard to fight against in bigroups, in papers for my English studies etc.).[/SIZE] [SIZE=10.5pt]So I don't know what I am. I know that actually I could just not label myself as anything but I feel the need to because I am in general often not so sure about who I am, so that I kind of want to 'give the baby a name' (that's a German saying). [/SIZE] [SIZE=10.5pt]Would I be considered a bisexual heteroromantic? And isn't it that many women who identify as straight feel that way? And are bisexual heteroromantics part of the LGBT* community? Or would I still be bi? [/SIZE] Thank you, MsUpDown
First advice from me would be to stop worrying about lables. If you do want to lable yourself I'd probably say straight with bi tendancies, since you don't feel you can love a women and have a romantic relationship with the, but are sexually attracted to them. But as I said stop thinking about lables and pretty soon your confusion will stop also, the lable human should be the only lable existing
The fact that this thread exists, that alone means you are bi. Context sweetie Not very helpful at all considering everbody else will Since she is a girl, when younger if she ever talks about it or acts on it in front of guys, everyone will just assume she is doing it to tease guys Once older if she ever talk about it or acts on in, more will assume her libido has kicked in and other ladies are better at taking care of certain things No matter how many people try to tell her labels arent important
