I can remember two times in my life that I have previously sleepwalked. Sleptwalked. Sleepwalked? Once was when I was very young and I dreamed that I was waiting for forever for a talking dolphin to take a piss in my bathroom, and I pissed myself in the corner of my bedroom. The second time, I was maybe 10 or 11, and I dreamed that I was in a bathroom without a toilet, and I pissed in the kitchen sink. On Thursday night, I sleepwalked for the third time in my life. I had had a rough first half of the week with a hellatious amount of schoolwork, so when I finished up with that on Thursday I decided to unwind by going out all night at a friend's place to play bags and beer pong. After holding the pong table for almost three hours, my buddy and I were absolutely bombed. I hadn't planned on getting all that drunk, but whatever. Beer pong etiquette says that you dont just quit. I left around midnight and went to bed at another friend's apartment. I had a GREAT night of sleep. I woke up well rested and rejuvenated. Then I got punched in the mouth by my friend for what I did over the night. According to her, I was curled up in the fetal position, twitching and mumbling in my sleep. She shook me. "Hey, wake up, I think you're having a bad dream." I shot out of bed and fell head first into the door. I got up, stumbled around, and dove back into bed. I got up again, slammed into her closet door, and finally found the doorknob to get out of her room. She then heard me fumbling with the lock and doorknob to the front door of her apartment, and she walked into the living room to see what I was doing. Now, if you've met me, you know that I'm normally a very calm and quiet person, and it takes a lot for me to get angry and agitated. In my dreams, however, I'm always angry and fighting with somebody. So my friend walks out and sees me yanking on her front door. "Andrew, what are you doing?" I turn. "Tracy, OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR." She is stunned. "Okay." She turns the knob and opens the door for me. I run straight across the hall and begin yanking on the apartment door across from hers. "Andrew, I think you're sleepwalking...come back inside." "SHUT THE FUCK UP" "you're sleeping, come inside" "TRACY SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DONT KNOW WHAT YOURE DOING" "please, go back to bed..." "WHAT THE FUCK SHUT THE FUCK UP GODDAMMIT" This whole time, I'm just yanking and banging on their door and yelling. She knows I'm sleepwalking and knows not to wake me up. She also says she's never been more scared of somebody than she was of me at that moment. "Um, Andrew, why do you want to go in there?" I stop banging and turn around. "Tracy, I NEED TO FUCKING PISS." "Well, uh, Andrew, the bathroom is in here." I ran past her and found the bathroom and took, I hear, about a five-minute leak. The best part about all of this -- what even makes the story worth telling -- is that during this whole episode I had a massive, raging boner poking out of my shorts. And that's the end of that tale.