sleeping with your friends ex

ok i know this is a no no for a lot but heres how i see it

my friend broke up with her ex, who we all hang out together as friends, to get with another guy. well ive always liked... lets call him "adam" hes cool, smarT, funny, out going.... I was disappointed when they broke up But after she immediately got with another, I didnt feel so bad. She kept playing head games with him.

they dont really talk now. he says she can do whatever with her boyfriend and they can stay friends. me and him always got along. especially talking about sex. we agreed to a lot of things. now hes giving hints that he wants someone who likes sex a lot. hes older, which interests me. but he acts like a young 37 year old. not a creeper!

we started talking more and more. i known him for a year now and they broke up like 2 months ago. so i figure thats enough time. but the other night, she told me if i ever did anything with "adam" she wouldnt be my friend anymore. I dont get this at all. she already has a boyfriend she likes and shes telling me this?

we already started talking about having sex with another. but i would have to be very discrete about it with our group of friends. he told me he would never tell anyone. i know for a fact we would have a lot of fun together. he thinks im a cool chick and wants me to sleep with, not a million other people

cause i want the same. been with assholes a lot. a cool guy is what i need right now. it feels right to do but i dont want stupid drama. even though there really shouldnt be any. she says she still kinda likes him but he says she plays too many head games and she wouldnt give what he wants now.

talk about a rock in a hard spot. i wanna play a little. what do you think? nice thoughts please

 

It's your choice but it sounds like a garanteed source for a lot of drama to me.

 

i mean is it un necessary drama to you or am i seriously playing with fire? i dont think its wrong. he doesnt think its wrong.

 

there's your answer. there are no ifs or buts

unless, of course, you decide you'd rather him over her.

 

You are playing with fire.

The only way to truly avoid this turning into a very dramatic situation is to get the friend's blessing. Sneaking is risking this turning very explosive; how much of a risk and if it would be worth it is completely up to you.

 

I like to think 99% of all drama is unneccessary

 

no i dont but i do think her theory is whacked. she was the one who broke up with him. then not even a week started dating her boyfriend now.

so why would she even care what we did? i would however wait til she didnt still have these feelings for him

but i know for a fact he'll never date her again.

 

im thinking about doing that. just say that im starting to like him or whatever. or let her see how good we gotten along.

 

I mean, even if it does cause conflict at least it will show that you were respectful about it, and if it doesn't jibe with her it will help your case with mutual friends.

 

true and i do want to be respectful about it. i just want her to see that im respectful and she might be naive and not see that

 

If she's the sort to play head games, likely she won't take it as well as you hope.
But it's still better than her finding out without you telling her.

Secrets can be kept but more often then not; the truth finds its way out.

 

She has a lot of nerve!! I'd tell her to kiss my honky ass if she didn't like it. She's a friend?? I don't think so.

 

lol thats what my mind is thinking. no one else thinks its bad. i just think se'll have no one else to run to after she decides to break up with her boyfriend.
this is why im back n fourth. in a way i just wanna go for it. but i do want her to know im diggin him. and if she doesnt like it then let her throw her little hissy fit. after all shes the one who broke it off with him

so really. im not asking for her blessing. im telling her what i am going to do

 

Good for you. She sounds like a real game-playing control freak. Why should she control your life. Hell,you might end up with this guy for years--who knows. Fuck away,darlin'.

 

it doesn't matter, she is entitled to think what she likes. for the record, if a friend went out with any of my exes - i would knock their block off. it's just principles.

but maybe that's a guy thing.

 

Man Code rule 12:
Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.


Personal opinion:
An ex is no longer under your jurisdiction.

I find it very insecure to care who your ex dates.

 

it's insecure if you still care about the person, sure. but if you don't, it really isn't

the girl in question is actually redundant, it's between the two men - there's a loyalty issue, it proves your friend and ex have absolutely no respect for you.

i have turned down friends exes for this very reason. i wouldn't say i turned down somebody else's ex because i was insecure, that's a really odd thing to say.

i wouldn't have a relationship with a friends girlfriend, much like i wouldn't have a relationship with their mother.

 

Or does it show that the friend with the ex has no respect for the other friend's independence?

A mother is a completely different issue; a life and blood bond. An ex is someone with whom one has no bond, except in the past. (And maybe having the same STDs =P)

 

if i ever rob a bank, i promise to use this one in court :mickey:

i guess it's just personal preference. to me, it is just a case of loyalty - i show the same loyalty to friends.

 

I'll concede to that :cheers2: