Should you reveal all your secrets in a relationship?

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by markArmstrong, Dec 8, 2012.

  1. markArmstrong

    markArmstrong Guest

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    So obviously not immediately, but eventually, if you love and are commited to someone should you tell them everything, and I mean EVERYTHING.
    Im talking:

    1) showing them your porn folder
    2) telling them when someone else's appearance turns you on
    3) telling them about any "weird" or "disturbing" fetishes you may have
    4) telling them if you still try and get attention from opposite sex
    5) telling them all the sexual, disturbing and terrible things from your past
    6) times when you've considered leaving or cheating on them

    or do you think its best to just keep some of these things to yourself?
     
  2. ThomasHC

    ThomasHC Banned

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    Well, if you aren't being honest with them, you shouldn't expect them to be honest with you. So the question should be, do you want to know all those things about your partner?

    Also, if you are sharing any of that info with anyone other then your partner, you are setting your relationship up to fail. What happens when your partner finds out you are willing to share info with other people, but not them?

    How would you feel if the positions were reversed?

    It all comes back to whether or not you want to have an honest and open relationship that will grow stronger with time, or a flash in the pan that will end with a bang.
     
  3. GLENGLEN

    GLENGLEN Banned

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    In A Word, YES...:).



    Cheers Glen.
     
  4. Vanilla Gorilla

    Vanilla Gorilla Go Ape

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    Well shes going to search through your phones, computer, shoe box in the closet etc. So she'll find your porn folder: the once shes opened up the vids with donkeys and midgets 2) to 6) wont matter
     
  5. enhancer13

    enhancer13 Senior Member

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    This sums it up pretty good!
     
  6. I'minmyunderwear

    I'minmyunderwear Newbie

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    here's a secret: there was a thread about this topic like two days ago. it's probably still on the front page.

    no, you shouldn't necessarily have to tell your partner everything. but you can if you want to and they want to hear it. although there was also a thread recently about number 2 on your list, and according to the responses there, admitting attraction to other people is a form of cheating and you should be dumped for it. so you should maybe keep that one to yourself.
     
  7. ThomasHC

    ThomasHC Banned

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    Whoever it was that suggested or agreed with this, is a very insecure person and is likely going to have their relationship end over something stupid anyway.
     
  8. misplacedJim

    misplacedJim Member

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    Hell no !
     
  9. McFuddy

    McFuddy Visitor

    I've told my mrs. everything. I suppose this requires a level of trust.
     
  10. builderjohn09

    builderjohn09 Member

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    NO, I want to think that the only kinky slutty things my girlfriend has done has been with me.
     
  11. drumminmama

    drumminmama Super Moderator Super Moderator

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    Depends on the relationship, really.
    And a lot of the substance of your question does get opened, in drips and dabs, over years.

    So, maybe both of you would be interested in exploring the porn folder. Or your kinky sides.
    Maybe not.

    I pointed out women I knew my then-husband would appreciate. He was not the actually cheating sort, but he liked to flirt. I thought of it as a museum. Look but no touching.

    You don't have to tell us you are trying to get attention, we notice. We also think it is sad, in a way.

    #6, no. That would only hurt someone. What is the good of that?
     
  12. AmyBeachGirl

    AmyBeachGirl Member

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    Personally I only want to know basic stuff about a BF, I don't want to know who he has fucked and how often. I just don't judge ppl on their past, well I try not to.
     
  13. xxaru

    xxaru Guru of Porn

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    If it doesn't effect me, then I don't give a damn what secrets someone keeps from me. And by the same token if it doesn't effect the person I'm with, then I don't "need" to tell them anything.
     
  14. nz male

    nz male Senior Member

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    No, I haven't revealed my other previous sexual experiences I had before I met my wife & they are some of mine I will never let her know about. Some were with young females I knew in my while in my early teens & before that.
     
  15. natural philosophy

    natural philosophy bitchass sexual chocolate

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    the fuck are you talking about? why does anybody need to see your porn folder or know when you find somebody attractive. of course you shouldn't tell them that you want attention from the opposite sex. everybody wants this. if you say you don't, you are lying. no, they probably don't want to hear your dirty secrets either. you nasty and you dont need to tell me about it. i already know you nasty. cuz im nasty. we're all disgusting people and we do disgusting things. some people are insecure and act like this isn't the case, though.

    i agree with you about the discussion of strange fetishes though. how else will you bring fantasy to fruition if you aren't even willing to bring it up in conversation?
     
  16. Lynnbrown

    Lynnbrown Firecracker

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    Should you reveal all your secrets in a relationship?

    If you are beyond your FIRST b/f or g/f...hell no! lol
     
  17. la Principessa

    la Principessa Member since '08

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    As far as the things listed in the OP, I would share. I don't have a porn folder but he knows what I like when I do watch it, he knows when I find someone attractive but it's not a big deal, and he knows I like to look nice. He doesn't care because guys can look, but he trusts me so nothing's going to happen there.

    As for secrets, I don't hide things from him. I've told him pretty much everything about my past but there's always something that you don't say just because it's not relevant and it's not important because you can't even remember it lol
     
  18. aceouses

    aceouses Banned

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    yes.. when I first met my boyfriend (before he was my boyfriend) he was open with me about all the things that a person should be open with you about.. with things that you would want to know.. like the fact that he lives with had trouble holding a job because he was a parolee, just got out after doing 3 years on a meth charge and he had no drivers license, wasn't even in the range of getting it back, has an alcohol problem and has years of probation to make up for after he got off parole. If someone were to spring that on me late in a relationship there would be a problem. But he was open and honest and I like that.. so I work with him.. I keep him from drinking because he can't drive to get it and I won't drive him, but I drive him to work and pick him up every day and he's capable of holding down a job now because of it. Everything (almost) can be worked around..
     
  19. I'minmyunderwear

    I'minmyunderwear Newbie

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    well, things like that aren't really even secrets. sure, you don't go around advertising it to everyone you meet, but anyone you're in a relationship with is bound to find out pretty quick.
     
  20. la Principessa

    la Principessa Member since '08

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    You'd be surprised how long an alcoholic can hide it from their significant other. My fiance's mother walks to get to a liquor store and when she passes out over and over for two days straight and her boyfriend calls 100 times she just laughs it off like she fell asleep or was busy. He's been falling for it for a while..but then again maybe that's just him being an idiot. Or maybe he hasn't had any experience with addicts like a lot of us have.
     

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