Should I Tell Him To Back Off?

Hi all,

My name is Amanda and I am 27 year old. I am originally from China but living in Canada for about 9 years now. I am in a bit of a delimma at the moment since i have so many things going on in my life and I have no idea where my life is going at the moment.

Okay, so I had been in 3 relationships so far. First one was when I was in university about 5 years ago. Yes, I was virgin at that time. After a year we broke up. He ended up going to China for travel. Then at work when I was working in banking industry I met a guy and we started going out. He seemed to be the nice guy. We dated for year and a half then I broke up with him. He had a crazy sex drive. We had sex almost everyday for first 6 months sometime even twice. I enjoyed having sex with him as well but I felt he never loved me. Like He never cared about how I feel. He always put his opinion on top as if I was a minor. We had many arguments. I broke up with him. Then I changed jobs and and changed cities. There after three month he came to visit me and out of no where took me to a restaurant and proposed me. I declined immediately. I wasnt ready for this. I wasnt expecting to do this. I was devastated.

Okay, then after maybe 1-2 months i went to a ski trip with bunch of people and there i met this guy who I really like After a long day of skiing. He dropped me to my apartment. I invited him over for a drink which turned out to be a full makeout session after 3 hours. Next day he brought flower for me and we slept together for the first time.

Since that night i started seeing him more and more. We said he really like me and to some extend I do too. We started going out more and more. Dancing. Reataurants. Skiing. And walk in a park and stuff. I dated him for over 1 year now. He went for travel trip in January and there he met a girl and got engaged. I KNOW RIGHT!!!When he came back he told me the news and I told him that he has to stay away from me since he dumped me like that. He said he will sponsor her for visa and all which I dont care

So now just 3 days ago he came to visit me and said he still have feelings for me. I got really emotional and bit out of control and I ended up making out with him and had sex in a car.

I know I shouldnt. I feel guilty and aloe at the same time. I really loved him but he dumped me but he still like me. What is that mean?

I am studying for my CFA exam in June and cant deal with breakup shit any more. He keep texting me how he misses me and wants me back.

I need to find a boyfriend who I can spend a life with and enjoy and do fun things but he keep coming to my mind even though i know he has a wife now.

I am sorry for a long post. This is my first ever post to any forum. I need help. Please leave me your comments.

Please dont be rude and obnoxious.

 

not sure what to say, but hope you find the way

 

I have been hurt before, and think you should take a step back and catch your breath... Enjoy studying your CFA exam and really be there for yourself. You cannot count on people to be responsible and mature for you. You must care and really we are all only human. Don't let yourself get hurt again! At least give it some time or you will only end up getting used. If you must date people, don't let it get to serious. And of course you should always use protection! Buy condoms at .99 Cent Only store. They're only a dollar.

 

Thanks Newbie and soulcompromise.

I'll do my best.

 

really?

 

Ignore him and concentrate on your studies. He sounds like a jerk.

 

you fuck him and want him to back off? ...



u like your own post?

 

Aw, don't be mean. She is struggling. And she is new.
We should all like our own posts.

As for the thread, studies before dicks, that's what I always say. Actually, I don't always say that. It's kind of vulgar. But, point is... when I was going to school... there was no focusing on boys. I had no time for that bull poo poo. Now, that I'm not in school... boys and sex is pretty much the only thought that I have. So, you got time to think of boys and sex. Right now, it's time to focus on school. Also, what kind of d-bag goes off on a trip and marries someone to help them get a visa, but doesn't tell his current girlfriend about it? I think she is an important person to tell that too. Idiot! IDIOT! See, I'm not against being with someone while you're in school. But, you have to be with someone that is easy. Not as in easy to get in bed, but easy to be in a relationship with. Because school is already hard enough when you spend time with your lover, partner, or whatever it should be something enjoyable.

 

Its not all his fault though. I am half guilty as well because I told him that my parents wont let me marry you. My parents only want me to marry an asian guy and he wasnt asian. He really loved me. He was different from the first two. He really listened to me and cared about me. We used to chat hours and hours daily. I felt so relax and happy when he was around. He was approaching to a point to propose me (I felt that way) and I told him dont so just before his travel we had this discussion and he was like so if I cant marry you then I have to find someone else... I didnt say anything since that was true what he understood. He made that clear before his visit that if I find someone i will go for it. So i guess we both have our ways...I cant marry him because of my parents only want asian babies. I kNOW RIGHT!!! Whereas I am okay to go outside of my culture and find a guy who really love me. He was that kind of a guy.

Now that he finally found one. I kinda a felt a hole in my heart AGAIN. I feel alone AGAIN. Like, how come no asian guys like me. Im fit. I am a runner. I have a good job and just bought a house last year but my life seems to be incomplete with all that. Why?

I like him tho but I know we cant be together. It's a delimma right. I am so stressed right now!!!

 

Work towards the professional goal - then you can deal with guys from a stronger life position. You don't need any guy... You can certainly go out and have fun, but just enjoy it for what it is

 

Sure! I used to study for the CPA exam, though I never sat for the exam... It's a very intensive process if you ask me. CFA is probably somewhat similar in intensity at least.

 

^ intensive, sure. but fun?

i couldn't image having fun actually studying for anything. and i'm one of those weird nerds who actually enjoyed school and stuff. probably wouldn't have enjoyed it nearly so much if i had actually had to study for exams.

 

I passed my CFA I and II already and this year I actually started my preparation in January which gives me almost 1 extra one month compare to the first too. I am focused and I hope I will pass it this year.

 

I used to have fun studying. I wouldn't take notes the whole time a subject was taught in class. I preferred listening to the instructor instead. But, when it was time for an exam I would take notes as a form of studying. The act itself of making little notes, and list was so exciting for me. I never was one for index cards or post-it, though.

Well, if you two agreed on seeing other people before the trip then I guess he isn't much of a douche. But, still how long was this trip that he found someone and got married? But, hey... I probably would do that too. I always thought that I would marry quickly. If I found someone I'm going with it as quickly as possible before they change their mind, lol. I'm kidding, but serious about marrying quickly. I think I would be one of those people. Anyho, that guy is still a lot of baggage that you don't need to be carrying around right now. You have school to concern yourself with. Think of this logically, you will have many years to think about boys, sex, and romances. You're going to school now. Also, I know you think you won't find anyone, but girl... you're Asian... everyone loves Asians. Guys definately love Asians. Girls love Asians. Everyone loves Asians. So, you will find someone. Even if you weren't Asian, considering there are so many people in this world there is no way you won't find someone. As long as you have a good personality and good looks, you will find someone. Of course, you have to put forth the time and forth, but still you will find someone.

 

First off study for your exams and get that out of the way. Then you can you can investigate your feelings for him. I had a similar thing happen to me and after the other affair ended I took her back. We stayed together for a long time so it is possible but like all romantic relationships it is a crap shoot. You will just have to learn to trust your instincts and follow them.
Good luck