Should I tell him?? Advice PLZ!

ok, so considering there are a couple of women on this forum that has a problem having an orgasm during intercourse, then maybe you can help. I would like to hear what you guys have to say also.

i've been with my boyfriend for three years and we have sex often. ever since the beginning of our relationship, i've been faking my orgasms. it doesn't mean that he can't make me feel good. i'm just one of those girl who have a hard time getting an orgasm during intercourse.
so this is the problem. there are so many times where i get so close to having one, and i always stop it from coming because i fear that he might know the difference between a fake orgasm and a real orgasm.

for the guys, do you know when your girlfriend fakes an orgasm? is it easy to tell?

so what do you think? should i just confess to him that i fake it? i always thought that if i told him he might actually TRY to give me a real one. then again, he might just get furious for lying to him all this time.


comments, anyone??

 

i think it's pretty much over if you come out and tell him you've been faking. you've got to be honest about what feels good and gets you off, it's up to you to train him to do the things you like. you have to be clear that you expect to get it too. otherwise you're just along for the ride and can't expect much in the way of personal gratification. it will be harder now because you haven't done this from day one. you've already trained him to do the wrong things.

 

lol train him? as if he was a dog. sorry, thats quite funny.

anyway, i understand that i should've told him since day one, but i was so inexperienced back then. i lied to him, simply because i didn't want to hurt his feelings. i know it's become a lot harder to confess after three years, and i suppose he has to know sometime.
do you think i should test him to see if he'll know the difference between a real orgasm or should i just tell him flat out?

 

Just have the real orgasm. You're making it hard on both of you by continously holding back and faking the orgasm.

He wants you to have one, you want you to have one, so just have one! He won't be upset if you're louder or uncontrollable during the real thing, he may be curious though...so just say it was stronger. And everytime after that, just tell him the orgasms are so much stronger now then they used to be (....cuz they're real).

If after 3 years in a relationship the sex gets better, that's a great thing, as it often goes the other way (boredom, routine). So stop avoiding the real orgasm, you'll both be happier if you just let it happen.

 

When you fake, you only cheat yourself out of the experience. I honestly don't understand the point of faking - sex should be mutual, meaning mutually orgasmic. And, together, you and your partner, are supposed to grow sexually, i.e. learn one another's bodies, what works best for both of you, etc. By faking, you have not allowed him to know what works best for you. He thinks he's doing a great job now ... when, in fact, you're not having an orgasm. So, for 3 years, he's been doing what he thinks works for you.

Now, you're going to have 3 years working against you.

I don't know that I'd tell him you haven't had an orgasm ever. But, maybe, from now on, you could start being honest. Incorporate some clitoral stimulation during intercourse, or have him give you an orgasm before or after intercourse as a start. There are many things you two can try ... but all of it is based in honest, open communication.

I just recently lost my virginity (like this month, lol) ... and getting to know another person's body is an enjoyable learning process. Communication (the truthful kind) makes this SO much easier.

 

well, you may not like the word 'train' but that is essentially what we do with lovers. by responding positively to certain things they do, we train them to please us. you have not trained him to please you. he thinks he knows how to please you, but he's completely in the dark.

3 years? omg. i gotta be honest, i think you've blown this one. if you tell him you've been faking for 3 years that's prolly gonna be a tremendous blow to his self-esteem. all this time he thinks he's been pleasing you and you're gonna pull the rug right out from under him? good luck on that one.

 

Tell him you are bored with the same old thing. You may not have to tell him you have been faking it. I don't advocate lying, but you may not have to tell him anything about faking it. You say you come close. So when it happens just guide him and let it happen. And LOTFs is right we do train each other in sex and it is ok it needs to be that way. So yeah tell him you need something differant and go with it. He will get into it.

Peace

 

Faking is deception. If you have been lying to your b/f for 3 years, imagine how aweful he is going to feel when you tell him. Try not faking them. Then talk to him about making you cum either before or after intercourse. I know I don't mind "taking care of" my girlfriend first.

 

Perfect advice -

 

Man that is a really good point "Lady of the freaks" women are so often impossible to please 4 life in general let alone when it comes to sex.... as for just about any guy we r generally the "same" easy to please sexually, throw in a couple different fantasies, fuck us and we're alright.....women require sooooo much more while that does not go for all but most....Women desire romantic dates, flowers, candy, chocolate, "jewelery," certain ways they like to make love, how they like to be touched, kissed, rubbed, licked and so on....I can say for guys "We do understand most of that" the part that fails is the communication of the women (and it is her responsibility) to tell (train) the man that she is with how she likes all of that to be done.....When the man is taught that crucial info on how to get his girl off and have her cum like she never did before with anyone else.....that makes us feel good and want to get better at it and want to do it all the time....I think most guys can agree with that


So as far as the advice goes...If you love him, tell him, be sincere, be compassionate because his feeling are going to hurt/crushed....believe it or not its a huge thing for guys being able to get his girl off and it really is something that can be worked through...especially since it comes from inexperience which is normal and OK.....So I will explain why he will be crushed so you understand sort of what he is thinking....its a pride thing..you just have to understand that not all guys are pigs and want to just fuck....guys that are in committed relationships the main objective as well as pleasing himself but to get his partner off more than himself.......that really goes for guys that are generally athletic or good at doing a lot of things sports, successful career, ect......sex is one of the most dominant (most desired) activities for adults and stride to be good at it......

If you ever listen to guys conversations at bars......I haven't gotten laid in a long time my wife doesn't give it up....thats because she's not satisfied sexually and doesn't have the drive to have that much sex (it becomes a pattern or habit to not have sex)....The other guy...I get it 3-4 times a week..usually because she is satisfied and when you are satisfied sexually your sex drive increases and the couple is more active....Sorry for rambling off on a tangent but I think it all coincides with the initial questions...so there are some tid bits for you..I hope you followed and if anyone has something to add to it feel free to

 

Hmm I never fake, but if you've been faking awhile, it may be too much a blow to the ego to tell him the truth on that. I know honesty is important, but I know I would be crushed to hear it. But everyones right on cheating yourself out of the experience, if you thinks you've orgasmed, he'll slow down and you won't quite get there.

 

Do you have to tell him ?

OK you have a full blown orgasm and he feels it to well whats wrong with that ?

Why say anything ?

Please don't whip yourselves ( and I say this to everybody ) if you don't have an orgasm, its very hard to achieve it.

We live strange lives even though we think we don't or accept the way we live is normal.

Well it is normal because everybody is doing it a simialr way, but that doesn't mean its ideal way of living.

We live in concrete, stone or wooden houses, we live by clocks, nothing is natural so it doesn't surprise me that women and men have problems achieving the acme of sexual pleasure.

So if you can't get there initially don't walk out side and tear a branch off a tree and repeatedly flog yourself with it.

 

OP: I think you're pathetic for lying this whole time. Get a life!

 

Honestly, don't tell him. If my girlfriend told me she had been faking this whole time, I would be very upset, and probably not want to be with her anymore. As Lexluv said, it would be a big bash to the ego, even if it was our first time having sex.