Should I stay and fight or leave ? Why?

Dear community,

I am in a conflicted situation. I love my girlfriend so much that I am considering marrying her but we reached a point only after 11 months where it's tension almost everyday to the point that she raises her voice on me in front of people we visited together just because she got irritated about small things. So to make a long story short, she's a very loyal girl, a real keeper, she's understanding, sensitive, passionate, funny, compromising. The only big downside is impulsivity. I just feel confused that any moment she gets irritated she explodes on me and start to yell at me what I should do or how I should behave just so she stops feeling frustrated (which eventually never works). I made it clear from the beginning that I don't accept this kind of behaviour and she recognised it and she started to make some progress, especially that she saw how serious I was about this but lately I was also hurting her with some of my behaviour. I started also to lose control when I get angry and starts screaming but only in private. It's just these last two days she started to treat me very disrespectfully in front of people that I wasn't sure if I am going to accept this kind of behaviour for the long haul or not. The thing about my loss of control, I took it very seriously and made a radical decision to change and even have a break to work on myself and go to therapy but the thing that makes me feel unsure is that she just says this is the way I am and avoids any kind of therapy or serious change about it.

I am a very sensitive and calm person and this kind of behaviour affects pretty bad physically especially when I try to stay calm and not react. What should I do if she rejects change ? Should I learn to accept to be treated this way and focus on the positive ? Should I leave to keep my mental health on place ?

I would appreciate all of your constructive criticism because I truly want to learn how to think and act better.

 

Do your best to never get mad when she gets mad. Keep calm and speak reasonable and do not ever insult.
If she continues and does not stop. I think you have your answer

 

I'd heed the warning signs. Don't put up with it for too long, or you'll get stuck putting up with it for life. I can't stand when people get irate over little things.

 

You have to ask? The fact that you did shows you know you have to leave this relationship.... would it look better or worse if you were her? No... no different.
The more cosy she gets.. so she will become more violent.. you too..say goodbye and move on..sorry if you expected something else.

 

Socrates said to know a person, watch how they behave in different groups, or situations. Obviously, if you are asking for our advice, you need to get to know each other better. If you are serious about her, then the possible groups and experiences you can share are endless. A lot of people get married just for sex or money, but that's your choice to make. The wife of Socrates was among the most notorious shrews in all of Athens, and he said he never married her for conversation.

 

Fuckin' ejit. Y'all got your your differences? Everybody does. I been divorced for a year, differences aside, I miss her dearly You got it good. As ol' Monty Python would say, "Always look on tbe bright side o' life."

 

I got you man! Thanks for your positivity but you know it's trickier than that. I feel like I miss all the time my exes since when you are away you automatically remember the good things but once you meet them again you remember why you actually left them and be grateful for it.
Maybe if she changed, then that's a different story.
I appreciate your input

 

Leaving is how you win, but that doesn't always feel very good; at least not at first.

Good luck.

 

Dunna matter. Good always outweighs the bad. She got her issues. Strong willed women are the future laddie buck. We jus along fer the ride

 

Leavin' fer no damn good reason makes you an ejit.

 

ok.. ( assuming ejit = idiot).

 

My aunt is the perfect example for this relationship. Her husband is pretty sensitive and considerate , and she is pretty loud, funny, passionate and strong headed. They are now in thei 60's but the husband that I remember was vibrant 15 years ago is now pretty low energy, no self esteem, unhappy. He just stayed but he paid a big price for it. Would you stay if you will become unhappy after many years of patience ?

 

That's like asking if you would smoke cigarettes if you knew they'd likely kill you eventually.

 

Great analogy. Because still there's the chance that nothing will happen to you (the invincibility illusion) and that's what gets you started. But hey I know people who smoke for 80 years and they are even healthier than others in the same age, those invincible mofos.

 

Lol so let's get this straight laddie. She back talks you once, at a party, and you're all hung up on how she done did you? The fuck man? What seems small to ye ain't necessarily small to her...

 

Fight.

 

Fight. Fight. Fight. Fight.

 

Get me drunk first lass. Maybe some tits to fight over too

 

Thumb wrestle

 

Fuck that