Hi girls, I have been with my gf for about two years now, one thing i still couldn't accept is the fact that many guys and even her ex gf are still going after her. I trust my gf, she doesn't betray me, it's just that i am being quite jealousy whenever i knew someone is trying to flirt or overly concerned my gf (because they wanted my gf). My gf is a sport person, thus she seems to be a special girl to those guys who play sports with her. My gf doesn't announce our relationship on purpose because she said it isn't important at all to tell these guys. She told me our relationship is ours, nothing to do with these guys. But i just felt unfair because people do think that gf is still available, thus go after her. I don't know if i should feel proud to have such popular gf? I want to overcome the jealousy feeling even though i knew my gf will not betray me. I don't want to always make her unhappy by showing pissed off or jealousy look whenever i knew about these people went after her. At the same time, i do not want her to hide from me too because i believe honesty is very important in a relationship. Your honest opinion and feedback would be much appreciated. Thank you.
I don't really understand why she wouldn't tell her "guy" friends that she in a relationship. She doesn't have to say its with another girl, she can say she's taken by a significant other. I am guessing she likes the attention she's getting and afraid people will judge her for being a lesbian or whatever You have the right to feel the way you do, because if my girl says "our relationship is just between us, and she's an open girl(out of the closet) then thats a red flag
Being honest is important but so is acceptance and trust...If she didnt love you she wouldnt be in a relationship with you and instead she would be with these guys or her ex. I think you need to accept this (hard as it sounds) that there are other people in her life but that she CHOOSE to be with you! Its hard to let go of jelousy but maby if you better got to know these people you might not see them as a threat anymore. Honesty is important but too much of it will ruin your relationship and jelous definitly will. I was bitter against my ex because i was jealous and i was neurotic and didnt trust the people around him and it pushed him away becuase it was a majour turn of. Now i realise how silly I was and i tend not to get jelous of people anymore Ive learned to accept it but I hope this helps. I think rather than approching her everytime your jelous you should write down what your feeling and try to understand where the jelousy is coming from once you understand why you can realise why your behaving the way you do and reassure yourself by either a adressing it or b reminding yourself of ll the times your gf has been there for you and read over all the love letters etc she sends you so you feel loved and secure in your relationship
If you ask me, she has you where she wants. She knows you're not going to say anything which allows her to keeping doing what she does. Personally, i feel she's not being upfront with you. There's all kinds of red flags in what you've posted, she doesn't seem acknowledge the relationship if she's making herself seem available to others and thats a problem. If you feel things are unfair then don't continue being in the relationship!! you have to set boundaries for yourself. I say, work on yourself know whats acceptable and whats not. I think you should a take a break from the relationship and figure things out, all this jealousy feelings and all that shit is un-healthy you're only ruining yourself. But if thats what you choose and if its worth it, her doings is what you'll get in return along with those bad feelings. Remember, no one will EVER be what you expect them to be YOU have to be what YOU expect to be. Its a cold world out here know yourself and what you will and will not stand for or continue to get walked over. Also keep in mind, who ever loves least controls the relationship, sad but true.
Thanks for your responses girls shadows1301, dreamsDOcomeTRUE and Sheybreezy. I really appreciate them. Shadows1301, I do admit that if my gf doesn't love me, she wouldn't be with me. This is where my determination comes from, because i do believe she loves me. I have been being emotional about it for a few times in these two years. The thing is, i often "lose in battle" when we discuss about it. She explained herself by saying if our relationship is strong enough, we wouldn't have to tell people on purpose about our relationship. If i insisted to tell, then we should come out and tell our parents. She said there is no need to tell people that are not important in our life (those people who go after her mostly are just sports partners/friends thus she thinks they don't deserve to know anything about us). My gf is very confident in our relationship, maybe that is why she is being so sure and don't think there is a problem for not telling people "oh i am in a relationship". One good thing is, if a guy or her ex trying to date her alone, she will give all sorts of excuses. One thing that she doesn't easily tell people about our relationship is because people in our country are more close minded. Honestly, i did not encounter such issue in past relationship because my ex wasn't a very attractive girl. That is why i am so confused when it comes to current gf. I used to be more sensitive and bad tempered. I considered myself improved and i am now more positive.
You are so right. My gf does control the relationship, thats why i am always the weak one when it comes to argument. And yes, sad but true. I tried to love her less because i know the theory, but i just couldnt make it, and love isn't food but a feeling from bottom heart. People who go after her will rarely confess to her but rather overly concern her. Maybe thats why she doesn't have a good chance to tell them she is not available. Also, she is good in giving excuses and rejecting people. I do hope this is the way how she is trying to prove me her love.
