Should I dose again at all?

So I have taken probably around 100 hits in my life, every time I have had worry free trips and nothing out of the ordinary. Just get hightened sense of being, bright heavenly colors, etc. I am not sure if LSD is what caused me to freak out on top of the mushrooms I took. I had a friend that told me it was all the lsd in my system from all the times I took it, but I had always felt fine from all of it. Mabey at worst I did feel like I was losing some touch with reality, but it didn't seem to matter because I still felt fine and life was even more interesting because of that. It was until I took mushrooms one day, (only have done them like 5 times before that) But mushrooms always gave me more of an uncomfortable dominating trip than LSD, my first few experiences were fine, I would just constantly laugh like every little thing was funny. But then, I have no idea what happened that night, I still believe there was some evil spirit in that house or something, but the mushrooms unlocked some very evil stuff. The weird part is, it didn't gradually come on, I was feeling great having my trip one second, then litteraly a second later I snapped, and thought I died.
http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?p=6245292#post6245292
To conclude all that, I went crazy for the next few months. At first I just felt weird on a daily basis, wasn't really crazy, but then it got weirder and weirder. I would start hearing voices like "death is trying to get you" and I would start hearing voices coming from people I was around. Then I would start getting these out of body experiences, where it felt like death was taking me. Something was telling me the more love I had and the more love I would get, the more death would ignore me. So I started saying crazy things, to make myself more intersesting. Every little thing that I did, I would be judged by these voices coming from the people. Example: I would say something crazy all fast and I would hear "Sick" or I would say something simple and then be labled as chill, and if I kept doing that it would be "way too chill, then started mixing it up speaking before thinking and ending up with crazy ass rhymes and it would be "way too sick" and I tried mixing all those up together and then hear "way too good".

The scary thing about it all is it made alot of sense. But I was being hardcore judged by all these voices.
Then one night I went walking around town practicing my words, and I would hear voices from the people around town saying "I like that guy" his stuff is amazing" and they just kept on begging for more and more. (If I remember correctly it was some pretty sweet stuff I came up with) THis is the night I snapped, because when I got home, all of those voices that started from when I was in town, stuck with me. kept asking me questions, the more cocky I was the more these voices would stop bugging and bullying me.

I am leaving alot of stuff out, but it got very very technical for every thought I had. I would hear so many voices at this point, waiting for me to come up with stuff. The more I would be creative and come up with stuff, the more love I got, which I could literally feel the love waves. It would feel like a drug, my whole body would turn warm. It would seem the more I came up with stuff, the more wind there would be, and the more I would see trees being blown around. If I were to do nothing, and think of nothing, I would get things like time would start to freeze up, and all the voices would start saying lets kill him, or off with his head, or death is trying to get you. Sooner or later I would hear these voices calling me a sinner if I didn't act right, so they wanted to send me to hell. THe more they would try to kill me the closer I got to hell, and the scarier it would become.

So I started reading the bible and tried to cleanse every sin I was doing. After I started doing all that, I would hear all these voices start calling me God. When they wanted to kill me this time for being so famous and Godly, I would get closer and closer to heaven. It felt like the love thing except times like 100. Heaven would feel like a strong opiate and all the voices were happy there was no negative energy because I was ignoring it all. At this point death was on my side, I would talk to death, and since he was my best friend nobody could kill me. And since I was so Godly and sin free, I got a super power that I could turn back time if I said the word "zip" The best part of being crazy was def when I was godly. For these few days I would see amazing sparkles of colors in sort of a vortex around my whole being, and was extremely euphoric. But then I would have trouble coming up with new material that was funny/sick for the voices. I came to the conclusion that the devil was helping me out with my vocab so that day I decided to start sinning as much as I could to get the evil powers back. I wanted to go back to hell and rise back up again. They wouldn't really believe what I was saying for a while, they would all just be positive energy, so I had to start cussing constantly, I even went as far as cussing to god. Eventually I lost my God powers, and started heading towards hell. I begged these voices to trust me because I wanted to come up with new stuff, but it seems like all the trust was lost that day. Since I was miserable with the evil, I tried coming back again but only like half the voices trusted me, so it wasn't as significant. I should have never went back to evil.
Eventually I started to hear alot of black people talking to me calling me lil homie and such. They would try training me how to be gangsta. THat was another one of the best parts about being crazy I really enjoyed that. They told me to break down my words and think about it before saying it. I kept threatening the voices that wanted to kill me with my knife, and that would earn me alot of homie points.
Some other stuff I remember that was really funny was when death was in my head, he would say funny ass shit like "how do you work this fuckin thing" and also say stuff like " you are perfect for death why do you think he likes you so much?" and would tease me be like " cmon pussy lets see you make fun of death!" And he would be like death hates you when I was getting love.

So I was desperate and trying to get help anyway I could, had a trip to the mental hospital. I didn't want to be there I just wanted help. But I felt so trapped there I was convincing them every day that I was fine but I really wasn't. But only had to stay there for about 4 days. I was desperate to stop hearing voices so I tried drugs that my psychiatrist reccomended, tried respiridol which I don't think did shit, and felt like a dirty drug. But after taking 5-10 mg of abilify every day for like a month it finally quieted down in my head.

So yeah anybody who reads this is gonna be like wow you were fucked up. Yup I was desperate to get out of it it was giving me so much stress every day it was becoming a real nightmare. I felt like I had absolutely no privacy at all. I will never know if these were like real spirits or what it was probably some part of my brain. But I do know it made way too much sense the things they were saying, and it wasn't me coming up with them.

So do you think that it was from both the LSD and the mushrooms in my past? or just the mushrooms. I am thinking the mushrooms and don't trust them at all anymore. FUCK MUSHROOMS

 

dang man, thats quite a story. that definitely sounds like some mushroom shit. not something that is from lsd at all. substances like that can open up your soul to all kinds of spiritual attack. be safe, and place your trust in love and truth and the eternal tao that permeates the current point in time. love heals all.

remember that you are the master of your reality.

"Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance my head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears looms but the horror of the shade, and yet the menace of the years find, and shall find, me unafraid. It matters not how straight the gate, how charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul." - William Earnest Henley

but some advice from a fellow psychonaught as well as someone who as been in and out of the entire psychiatry system. take it easy on all psychs for a while and start tapering off those drugs that they are giving you. generally all drugs that psychiatrists give you are bad for your psyche. but ESPECIALLY be careful with mushrooms, lol. find your center through a sober mindset, then maybe start delving into the psychedelic realms again. but don't fret, as these circumstances come for a reason. that is for you to figure out.

 

Dude that sucks

 

personally i h8 mushies

 

mushrooms are nasty in comparison to LSD, nasty mindfuck.

 

Yeah I know I am the master But yeah I wasn't even considering taking any psyches for a long time thats for sure. Although I am completely back now, I still don't wanna mess around and take the chances. I do miss LSD though. WHen I was crazy I thought I was gonna be stuck that way forever, that was the scariest part of it. THank God for abilify.
And yeah I stopped taking abilify once I got better that stuff cant be very good its an antidepressant. I am just so thankful to be sane right now taking anything would seem counterproductive.

 

Didn't you watching a scary movie on mushrooms provoke demons, though, and that's why what happened to you happened?

And were the mushrooms psilocybin?

 

I feel like acid's more "evil" than shrooms. I had a bad acid trip and saw a satanic pattern, then I had a awful shroom trip and saw a Jesus pattern.

 

Yeah I really don't know how spiritual it all was. The having Godly powers really was convincing though, that it was in fact outer realm experience.
And yeah that watching a scary movie thing, was at my friends house which he told me the people that used to live there supposedly used to do voodoo in that house.

 

I think the Decency Police, i.e. the Christians and their fellow travelling White Picket Fencers, fucked your mind up before you had your first mushie trip.

 

The truly scary part of this thread is all the people insinuating that your hallucinations were actually real.

 

your scary.

just kidding, lol.

the human psyche has the power to make manifest all kinds of things. what is reality?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CUfaJ8RqfOg"]YouTube - Rage Against The Machine: Wake Up

 

I think it is painfully obvious that you have had a psychotic break. You are hearing voices, experiencing grandiose delusions . . .

and LSD does not "stay in your system" dude . . .

I'm not suggesting you see a psychologist if you're against that (which I'm sure you are, for supernatural reasons no doubt), but you are obviously schizoid. I'm sorry to be blunt but it's just fairly ridiculous how obvious it was even from your original thread that you have had a mental break and are now experiencing a cluster of effects which can be triggered by psychedelic use (especially if you have a family history of mental illness).

I would not ever take another psychedelic again, I also would not use marijuana (can be even worse than psychedelics for schizoid type mind-patterns).

I am also 100% confident this post will be flamed, neg repped by neo-shamans(!!11), and ignored by OP.

business as usual

 

Sadly the truth hurts sometimes.
I can't +rep you yet, So how's about a virtual high-five and nod of agreement instead for stating the obvious truth.

 

I would stay away from LSD, mushrooms and all other powerful hallucinogens and drugs if you can, If you have to take a drug and still want some psychedlic overtones I suggest you only take MDMA. The positive outlook of mdma can really help boost confidence and assuredness to where you are only hearing your voice and your wants.

But if the pharma medication is helping then just stick with that.

 

All i'm saying is, schizo or not, you are still master of your reality, as Desos said.

If i was told that i was schizophrenic i would completely embrace it ten fold. I just don't believe that you are ever truley helpless. Even if you are truley helpless, you can embrace that, and there you can find your true strength.

That's why i'm intrigued with Schizophrenia AND Shamanism.

Writer, everything you say makes sense. But you can't just stop there. You can't just stop at "oh, well he's obviously psychotic, and i can tell just because of this post that i read from him online." You don't know anything about the real FreshDacre. Neither do i.

There's just so much depth to the universe. All i'm saying is don't stop with the "final" conclusion that oh well he must be psychotic, case closed. You're basing all of this off of a forum thread.

You're just coming to too much of a conclusion. There are no conclusions. There's only the constant unfolding of a real deep and dark Mystery, known as existence.

So, psychotic or not, embrace where you are completely.

 

OP, as much as it may hurt, you may want to take writer's advice on this one. What you are experiencing clearly has become unmanagable and uncomfortable. Love and respect yourself. I would advise against taking any more psychedelics

 

China, I'm not making any kind of sweeping metaphysical argument here. The question was simple: Should I trip again? The answer is simple. Fuck no, you've had a bad reaction.

What he does now in his own complex and wonderful life, is up to him, and I hope he does embrace himself fully, as I do, and I hope all his wishes come true and he floats up to dimension 9,000 eventually as pure energy or whatever his personal cosmology dictates to be a good evolution/revolution of self . . . but as for tripping, nein.

 

Fair enough man

 

Well first of all, we already established that it was in fact the mushrooms that I had a bad reaction to, not the LSD. I have already decided that I'm not gonna take mushrooms again. Like I said I have never had any sort of "negative" reaction from lsd.
Secondly, you are talking to me like I am still schizo. When I was schizo I was completely aware how crazy I was, and knew I needed help, so thats why I gave into the drugs. Whether it was the drugs, or just old fashioned time that healed me, I am as normal as I ever was. Yes I do worry a little bit that I might get in trouble again from any psyche, so thats why Im being precatious. I am talking about dosing again in like one year. Even though I am fine now, better to be safe than sorry.