Should Gays Come Out?

I'm bisexual but I don't feel the need to let everyone know that. I roll my eyes when people proudly announce that they're out at work. Why do your coworkers need to know that you're gay? I had no problem with the don't ask don't tell policy of the military. I think it's extremely rude to ask someone if they're gay. It's nobody's business.

 

Probably it shouldn't matter much until they've met someone important to them. Like when heteros get a.new boy/girlfriend and want to introduce them to family or announce an engagement. Otherwise declaing orientation isn't a necessity.

 

We never officially really came out at all. Our friends knew and if two girls holding hands, kissing in public, extreme public signs of affection doesn't tip you off then.. I don't know what will.
Nobody's opinions really mattered to us either at the time and we didn't even feel "gay" we were just companions forever after.

Should gay people come out? No, I don't think so. They can if that's what they want but if they don't there's no issue there.

 

They shouldn't have to "come out." No one needs to expose their private relationship to the public, and risk the ridicule that often accompanies same sex relationships. If you're gay, you should always be able to be openly gay, without fear of judgement. Why do people need to notice or make a scene about other people's relationships? No one should bat an eye at a gay couple.

 

What matters is what you're comfortable with.

To me it wouldn't make sense having a boyfriend and not being able to hold his hand or kiss him because of the fear of "getting caught," or having to introduce him as "a friend."

As long as you live your life in a way that makes you feel in peace with yourself, I don't see the problem with either being in or out of the closet.

 

Seems that some feel the Importance of "Coming out" can be for a number of reasons:-
Peer Pressure: Positive - attempt to be 'fixed up' by friends
Peer Pressure: Negative - Harassment / Bullying
Self Pressure: Being/Living in the wrong body = Freedom of Release
Honesty: To oneself (and maybe to socially interact?)
Whichever the reason (even if it can irritate) - then having the right to express such, in the manner an individual feels most comfortable with is down to the individual themselves - I feel
As for 'asking' someone's orientation of choice -
The only time it may be relevant, is i.e. if I was to fid a young lady that of particular attraction - then being 'advised accordingly' a different outlook of choice e.g. continued friendship
After all -
- "It is not for me to judge the feelings of others - just to be true to that which I feel is right for me" - methinks

 

The notion that anyone needs to know anything about my private life is wrong. Equally so, being proud about being gay, straight, bi, having blue eyes or dark hair is patently wrong, too.

Being proud about your achievements is fine. Being proud about the things that you cannot change makes hardly any sense.

Coming out as we used to know the phenomenon was a major factor in the continuous struggle to achieve visibility, equality, and end up discrimination. Coupled with the growing purchasing power of the LGBT folks, both the economics and the politics of it created a favorable societal climate for people to be who they are. World's most advanced nations have largely abolished discrimination based on sexual orientation.

Being gay or not has ceased to be an issue of any real significance in most advanced societies. I rarely hear people mentioning this anymore than saying that Pietro is an Italian, and Helmut probably a German... Few people really attach any judgemental value to such statements.

Which leaves those of us privileged to live in open, civil and advanced societies with hardly any need to go over to the people we know, and tell them that we are gay, str8, bi, trans, poly or whoever else. Actually, they really do not care unless they are 8 years old, and love to gossip.

KD

 

I can't understand why gays feel pressured to "come out" or why the media make such a thing of the latest gay "celebrity" or "sports star" to declare they are gay...who cares, who feels a need to judge based on a person's sexuality? I don't

 

Not in many areas--like Nigeria. Or other countries that share their beliefs. Here? Up to the individual, I suppose. Depending on what the backlash would be for them.

 

I really don't think it should matter. I mean I don't hide it but I didn't really come out either. If someone asks I'll tell them though.

 

I don't make a big deal about it but it is about who I might date or such and for that reason I don't hide it (also the majority of my associations are with QUILTBAG persons)

 

Much of it is really related to the fact that media sells gossip. People consume that kind of content gladly. Everyone gets more prominence, and their relative market value increases.

Gay movement has been greatly helped by the original few daring guys who challenged the order of things by coming out. Today, when such events are a dime a dozen, it is really mostly a commercial exercise only.

KD

 

My advice would depend on location. In some larger cities, coming out would be very low risk. It also matters what you do for a living. I don't know how you could come up with standard advice for everyone. It's nice to be able to be yourself 100%, but it isn't worth a significant risk of being mistreated.

 

Only trouble with that is many who feel the need to "come out" werent really gay anyway, including many of those supposed founding fathers in the 70s when everything supposedly changed

What do you think the real reasons are for the OP starting this thread?

This kind of thing:

is implicit but its stil kind of a warning sign, and she wouldnt understand why, likely she puts her foot in it IRL without realizing it

Especially when it comes to violent crimes or homicide, you wouldnt be able to find a country on the planet where gay people are at a higher risk than straight people, you can find the odd horror story in the media, but the world over, every region, every country women are at greater risk, and when it comes to homicide straight guys are at a greater risk than anyone else.


A lot of these kind of assumptions that pop up in these kind of threads just arent true.

 

Unfortunately, the first gay people to come out were generally obnoxious men, who gave the public a false impression that gay guys were mostly rude, self-centered, and inconsiderate. I didn't see that view start to change until the TV show Will & Grace became a big hit, and the masses were shown that some gay people are just as pleasant to deal with as anyone else.

I have no idea. I only know that sexual subjects are on her mind a lot.

I agree. It's too personal and intrusive. If somebody wants you to know, they'll let you know. They won't wait for you to ask.

I wasn't thinking of anything quite so extreme. In most cases, openly gay people are only risking being the victims of rude behavior in the US South, or possible job discrimination in extreme cases.

 

This is a very individual decision. You may want to run through possible or likely outcomes in your mind or with a trusted friend before you make any sort of announcement. If there is a reasonable chance that things will go well, go ahead and come out. If you think that you would be beaten, fired or worse, you should not feel any obligation to do so.

 

exactly the opposite, even in the US I as a lesbian have had hate crimes committed against me, in Russia they celebrate harming any non-QUILTBAG person. Many nations in Africa it is positively deadly to be found out.

 

He's not saying it doesn't happen. He's saying that statistically the crimes against women/straight men are greater than the crimes against quiltbag. And it's true...simply because of the numbers.

Women are currently 49% of the population. Men 51%. Quiltbag would be about 10% from either group

It's just straight up numbers.

 

i agree with the first part... but i am glad i was born homosexual. i love it that i like men. i think men are so exceptionally beautiful and amazing, that i am sort of proud of my sexuality.

it is possible to love oneself for things you didn't attain through achievement but were naturally endowed with.

 

I agree with you, why the media feels a need to even report on the latest gay sportsperson or celebrity to come out. Who cares...is that how ppl are judged? by their sexuality...it is seriously weird to me