Short term Bi-polar?

Is there such a thing? If you do not have time to read the entire thing please just answer that.
If you care to read I have explained my situation in the paragraphs below. Please do not tell me I should feel lucky because I am financially okay, good looking or have good family and friends-I have heard this already a million times and it just makes me feel worse, like I am not entitled to my feelings.

I was laid off last week. Prior to it happening I wanted to be laid off so I could have some downtime, take my last class I need to graduate next month and really focus full-time on my post-graduate work in the Spring.

Now my feelings go back and forth to either; blissfully free, euphoric, determened and light on my feet- to feeling; worthless, distraught, anxious,self-abusing and unknowing.

Also, I am not as productive as I expect myself to be, at least at night, but am like the energizer bunny during the day, thus my problems are being hidden from everyone else. When I got laid off I envisioned my nights consisting of following complicated recipies, reading, being the dd and doing a plethora of other things. I am very productive during the day but everynight all I do-either at home, at the bars or at a friends house is drink A LOT, smoke a lot of pot and take pills. Sometimes I even drink during the day-which scares me I have never been like that. I will go running drunk, go grocery shopping drunk, make my own wrapping paper drunk, make on-line photo albums drunk, write my freelance pieces drunk...you get the idea. I am like a drunk Martha Stewart by day and eniebriated and sloppy drunk by night. As a consequence of my behavior the guy I was dating, who was the nicest guy ever, an elementary school teacher, had a masters degree and is physically perfect has not called me since Friday and I know it's because he has heard about the way I have been acting.

My mom, family and friends say I am just going through a phase that I will be better in a couple of weeks. My other friends who got laid off from the same company said it took them a good month before they felt better.

It's hard for me to get excited about things also. I am going to visit my friends at JFKU and SFSU in San Francisco in a couple weeks and I don't feel as excited as I should even though we have invites to parties, one of my crushes is my friend's roomate (who I will be staying with) and are going to my some of my favorite places . I just can't get excited and I should be really excited.

I have a therapy appoitment tommorow and I plan to discuss my new feelings, new situation and new need to be heavily medicated.

I just need to know if this a 'normal' feeling after one is laid off or am I experiencing something different. My family and friends percieve it as normal because I get a whole lot done during the day and I have been a functioning addict (valium, fiorecet, ultram, huge amounts of xanax) in the past so I am a pro at acting like I have it all, but in reality I feel really fucked up and my brain is in total turmoil.

 

No, there is no such thing as short term bipolar. It is a life long disorder that doesn't go away on its own. It sounds like your self-medicating with alcohol and drugs, which is what a lot of people with untreated bipolare disorder do.

Do you have periods of time where you can't sleep? Have super-jumbled thoughts that you can't control? Then feel really down like you can't get out of bed? These are symptoms of bipolar disorder. If you have more questions about symptoms, I can try to answer you. I have this disorder and have been diagnosised a year and a half ago.

A disorder that is short term and similar to bipolar is called borderline personality disorder. I'm not saying that's what you have or anything, but this is not a life long disorder, but I think it's more difficult to treat.

See a doctor to make a diagnosis and review their diagnosis to make sure that it fits you, not who they think is you.

Peace and love

 

I was nothing like this until I found out on Wed that I had lost my job. I do go through periods of apathy-but nothing compared to this. I feel disinterested in my friends and family's life, like I always have to be moving or doing something. I can't fall asleep or sleep in. This is the first time with the sleep thing. I could always sleep in if I stayed up late. I am not excited about anything and I am having a hard time connecting with people on a personal level. And I feel really bad about myself no matter what I do. My self-esteem is so low in terms of what I have to offer the world. And I just can't stop doing things, oraganizing and cleaning and exercising. I am so restless.


I just feel like I hsould be over losing it by now and should be happy with the free time I have now.

 

You might want to think twice about giving advice. Personality disorders certainly aren't short-term, don't have this type of onset. And of course, this sounds nothing like BPD.

Lynsey, for the huge majority of people, manic and depressed periods tend to alternate much more slowly. At least days, almost always weeks or months. Ultradian cycyles aren't even believed by a significant amount of psychologists.

Mood swings can be symptomanic of many things. Perhaps Benzo withdrawl?

 

Yeah I haven't been taking them because I needed them for anxiety related to work so since I don't work anymore I have stopped taking them cold turkey since Thursday...how could I not realize that. Thank you I will take one and see how I feel.

As far as in general I do notice that I feel high as a kite for months on end and then get the I don't give a shit attitude for a month. I have never been suicidal, with the exception of one breif moment years ago and have never been diagnosed with depression and I have been in and out of therapy since I was 9. I do have PTSD, but the feelings I am feeling now I don't think have anything to do about that. My axiety is REALY GENERAL, rather than accute.
What do you think?

 

Wow this is crazy lynsey, are we the same person??

Lately I have been just straight up manic....it's like manic depression....minus the depression, except lately I have been depressed but it has a real life cause. I have been sleeping like 3 or 4 hours a night lately. Up until about two weeks ago I have been able to sleep 12 hours no problem if I was able and didn't set an alarm...everyone I know knows that I love sleep and I sleep a lot...not anymore. I'll go to bed at 5 in the morning and get up at 8, it's fucked up.

Around the same time the sleep thing started I began to really need to be doing something all the time. I can't just sit around and watch tv or a movie or go online. I can't afford to drink all the time otherwise I probably would. and drugs are fun.

I have come to the conclusion a lack of responsibility and a lack of required things to do can really start to screw with me. It's probably just because you're jobless right now. I seem to go through heavy phases of this when I don't have much homework and I don't work; once I start working it seems to center me or ground me or something. Try meditating maybe.

I dunno. Mania is fun though....or whatever it is I feel. Maybe we just love life?

I am very adept at solving my problems and have been successful at solving all my problems throughout my life but this is really making me wonder if I should see a counsuler or some junk like that.

 

If it was me, I'd tell you to kick the Valium now that you have the time to a)suffer through the beginnings and b)not have real responsabilities to deal with.

On the other hand, I know this is a shitload harder than I just made it seem (I've both had my own substance-abuse issues and I've seen my dad kick Ativan).

There isn't an easy solution, and of course, there is no guarantee that this is the cause. But I'd call it a safe bet.

As a post-script - emotional and attitude changes don't necessarily mean a mental illness. These things tend to be cyclical to begin with, and some things, including huge lifestyle changes like layoffs, tend to trigger them.

 

you can get addicted to ativan? they are so small and mild; now xanax or valium they are addictive and if you get off them quickly that'll make you a bit off for a while.
I've seen people get like you are saying after losing a job; most people are used to regularity and the change...

 

Its Normal to be depressed when laid-off.
You've got the blues.

Work gives one a lot of positive feed back.
Please lay off the drinking and see if that helps, I mean just keep it to the weekends or sumpthin.

Best wishes to you lynsey.

 

Actually, BPD is considered short term, because it can be treated within 2 to 4 years and be controlled to the point of not having it. Ask a shrink.

Peace and love

 

Hope you're feeling better, lynsey! If you need to talk, feel free to PM me.

Peace and love

 

What you are experiencing could be the beginnings of Bi-polar however with everything that is going on and the new changes I'm not sure. What did your therapist say today? How are you feeling today?

Since you stopped taking the xanax cold turkey you maybe having withdrawls from that. That stuff is fucked and can make a person feel crazier when not taking it. I took it for a short time. The day I didn't take it I had a breakdown and was sobbing because it was raining. I felt like I'd lost my mind.

You have so much going on right now. It's totally understandable the ups and downs your feeling. One moment it's all exciting for the new changes and then it's really scary. Regardless of what the outcome is YOU are going to be alright and you're going to come out above all of this.

I've had a lot of experience with a lot of the things you've talked about, feelings, anxiety. I'm here if you need to talk. I can be your sounding board.

Are you eating at all? Sometimes not eating or not eating enough of the right things can make one feel crazy.

You're in my thoughts

 

Have you ever tried replacing some of the scripts with herbal remedies? I've been playing around with some to help me stay off of prozac. I've been combining St. John's Wort with Inositol. Inositol is supposed to be very effective for depression.

Herbals won't be as fast acting as scripts. They need to build themselves in you and if you don't take them they wash out of the system very quickly. Herbals need patience. (I lack patience often)

 

Lorezapam is actually more addictive (especially because of its a)greater strength and b)lesser duration). Kicking usually involves tapering onto Valium.

 

Borderpline Personality Disorder? I'm extremely doubtful. Please cite something. Anything. Well, cite me a couple academic articles. I'll check next time I'm on campus.

 

Borderline Personality Disorder:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

Bi-Polar Disorder:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bi-polar_disorder

 

There's no way bpd is a short term disorder. No personality disorder is short term, and most people with bpd have several Axis I and II disorders on top of bpd, making it terribly hard to treat. A patient can overcome bpd in 3-5 years (the usual time quoted), but only if they actually stay in therapy. The dropout rate for the two most popular forms of therapy is staggering, and the main reason so many therapists refuse to treat borderline patients at all. The therapy which has been proven to be most successful is Dialectal Behavior Therapy, and there's a lot of debate surrounding Psychodynamic Psychotherapy's usefulness. The best scholarly articles, imo, are by Marsha Lineham (Dialectal) and Anthony Bateman/Peter Fonagy (Psychodynamic). I don't trust the results for EMDR and Schema when it comes to bpd. Way more research is needed on those.

http://www.brtc.psych.washington.edu/pubs/linehan.html

 

Academic citations. Nobody should ever take Wikipedia overly seriously.

 

No therapist has ever indicated that I have one symptom of borderline personality disorder and they screen me very carefully because my father is a diagnosed socio/psycho-path.

 

You're always great to talk to.


My therapist said I am just down from losing my job and that they have no permanent diagnosis for me. The only thing tests and self-reporting has shown is that I have PTSD from what happened with my dad and from an argument during my engagement and one during a different long term relationship. She said that I need more cognitive therapy and that I need to stay on my wellbutrin/zyban for my adhd (my stimulation and distraction scores have improved significantly since starting the high dose Zyban). Because of my past eating disorders I can't take traditional stimulant add meds.
I am seeing a different psychiatrist Nov 3rd so I am hoping he can help me. I would love to quit the benzodiazipines all together eventually and Spooner is right now is a great time to do it. I do think I need something to calm my generalized anxiety down right now, but perhaps it's school or visiting Katie rather than a perscription.

I tried St Johns Wort and GABA before going on medication the other Spring when I was in a bad relationship, it didn't work at all. Maybe now that I am in a really good place they will work. I'll discuss it with the doctor.

As for my appetite I have none...I raided some haloween candy last night but other than that it's a forced effort for me to get anything decent down. I hate it when I can't stomach food because I never know if it's a mental or a physical thing. The last time I was in ED therapy we deduced that sometimes I don't eat because I feel like I don't deserve to, whether it's because of emotional issues or because I was overweight in the past. We still don't know why.
Man I'm a head case d: