My sister and I just talked. She's the one who nannies for the two babies. Apparently the boy has been sleeping an hour later than usual each day, until 3 in the afternoon instead of two. The mother finally snapped at my sister to please wake him at the usual time because now he wants to get up each morning at 5:30 to play and she just needs more sleep than that! Well, fine. But my sister has to wake a baby now before he's ready and deal with his crankiness just so she doesn't have to deal with her kid! She comes home at 5 in the evening and puts him to bed at 7:30. The next morning he wakes at 7:30 and she leaves at 9. That's 5 hours a day she spends with her kid and even THAT is a burden to her. I know there's a post running about being sympathetic but gosh, this just seems ignorant.
Why on earth do people like her even HAVE kids?? Don't they know it's optional? If you don't want to be a parent then don't have kids!!! If you have kids you need to grow up and be a parent.
Heaven forbid she should spend any time with her own child, that's the nanny's job. (Heavy heavy sarcasm, here.) When I did day care and nanny work for people some of them didn't want their child to sleep at ALL when I was there, so that they would go to bed after a nice nutritous take out meal. Jeez is right. Here's the thing about nannying. The parent hired YOU to take care of the child. Large requests like "Don't give him cow's milk or peanut butter." or "We don't spank, so please don't use corporal punishment." should certainly be honored, but daily stuff, like naps are really the nanny's concern. It always used to irk me when I would nanny for someone with a small infant and they would get upset because the baby was up at night. YES, that's when YOU (mama) are home, they know that, as children are smart, so he is awake to get as much time with you as possible. I would try to explain this to them, and then let the child SLEEP, as I was in charge of the stuff the mom had no interest or time for. Oh, well. If she doesn't like it, she can raise her own children. At least the nanny cares about what the CHILD NEEDS, not the parent's selfish requests. Two hours a day is not enough for a child to spend with his mama. No where near enough time. So he stays up until midnight,that's what she has to do to raise her OWN child. I'd tell your sister to fudge a little and let the poor child sleep. Not only does he need the sleep when he needs it, he NEEDS time with his mama, whether she is willing or not, and he is doing what he can to get that time. Have her make sure there isn't a "nanny cam" in the house. I would walk right out of any house with this device. (Of course after the mother came home.) I hope this poor child gets some attention from his mama. Poor thing.
That totally sucks for your sister, tired babies are not happy babies. If she can wear the consequences of not having the job (given the worst possible scenario the mother might crack it and not take constuctive dialogue well) she needs to point out some of what the other people above pointed out above (in the most diplomatic way possible of course) and if the mother disregards her or even dismisses what she says then your sister would have to decide if she can live with it as it is. Maybe it is possible that with the change of routine the mother was just hoping it could be changed back easily but given her lack of contact she might not understand that this is not really how kids work. Constuctive dialogue (talking) is always a good thing!
IT's not really healthy for the baby, maybe the mother should try to understand that. Babies sleep so they can develop, grow, process all the sensory input they get, digest food, etc. They sleep when they need it,not when you'd like to schedule it for. But again, if she really cared about the child's well-being we wouldn't be having this conversation...sigh...
Steph, I am usually a lot more diplomatic when I am talking to someone like the mother of this baby. I use some strong words and ideas here, because, it makes a point. I did child care for years. There is nothing more "sensitive" than a mother who spends nearly no time with her kids, and then wants everyone to tell her what she wants to hear, or they aren't "supportive." I also found it much easier to do child care for families who parented the way I did, (or when younger, the way I wanted to parent) I think one can't do childcare for those who have radically different ideas about how children thrive than you do. When I used to work as a post partum doula, (I do count this as a kind of form of day care, as a good 70% of the clients treated it this way) it got to the point that none of the doulas would take a family on who identified themselves as "Ferber Parents" or especially "Ezzo Parents." People who care about babies and children usually do make good child care providers (even if they haven't had children yet) but most of us can't do things we feel is just wrong. I once quiit a part time day care gig, because the little boy was "spirited" and the mother kept telling me to hit him when he "was bad." I refused. She was unhappy, and I felt awful having to leave the situation, and leaving that little boy, the poor thing, as she probably did find someone who would do it. But, I couldn't stay in a situation like that.
It's sad for the little kid hey... I think that the second chance is given to the mother whether the words are strong or soft and at that point her sister has to decide to do what she is happiest doing. I have a gut feeling that a lot of people choose their economic situations over things like the development of their baby. What is Ezzo by the way?
OT post.... Ezzo is a man who wrote a "method" of "infant training." He beleives in strict "discilpline from birth, not allowing even newborns to decide when they eat, strict scheduling of everything from eating (no more often than every 4 hours, and NO feedings between 8 PM and 8 AM after 4 weeks of age) to stooling (including using suppositories to "train" teh baby to stool on comand. He started his insanity through some American Churches, and claimed it was "Growing Kids God's Way." Many Pentocostal and Bible Churches sponsored his work.......until babies started being diagnosed with Failure to Thrive, Dehydration, Lactation Failure and there are even a number of infant deaths attributed to the most strict form of his "training." He toned down the Bible stuff (as many churches started asking "Where is this stuff in the Bible, anyway?") and wrote a very popular book caleld "On Becoming Babywise." After a number of continuing Failure to Thrive lawsuits, massive lactation failure and even a few deaths with the book, his publisher tried to remove the book from circulation. Ezzo and his wife went to court and they WON! So, people still buy it and abuse their babies according to this wacko's non-evidence based, anti-caring ideas.
oh thats sad...and would so explain some of the crap parenting you see and the crazy advice you get at times round the place here if books advocating those sorts of practices are still readily available. Sorry for being lazy and not googling it myself. *blushes*
Here are just a few links about this stuff. Ezzo stuff http://www.nospank.net/ezzo3.htm Ezzo critique from the Christian Perspective http://www.equip.org/free/DG233.htm
