Sharing Mind Trips: The Confusion In My Mind.

I'm scared of the reality.
To the point where I don't want to face it.
Is the trip that you can't really change things but you can work hard and get right
Because everything happens in the way its supposed to but its your choice to grab hold of the blessings around you
Tests of faith will astound you ....
Like it comes in waves these thought processes........
One thing I learned to day is that I'm scared of reality. I need to find out if I new about it or if I just needed to run away... Or if that's what I wanted to believe and that theory about creating your reality is false because life isn't what I want it to be...... Next is I need to know why. Sometimes I feel like love is too complicated.... Maybe I'm just too sensitive..... Maybe it was the abuse in school or was it all in my head??? I know for sure the name calling happened in 2nd grade or third.... And its like hey its just kids, I mean I had my own lessons that had to learn as well but I never did those things...... Or was I really strange??? Too innocent, too friendly, too loveable......Maybe I've been living a lie. Lol... I'm not saying I have to be depressed about it... I just have to accept some facts... I have great memories when I'm just there with the world. When everyone sings and dances and makes eye contact.... I just don't like being average ...broke.... (Because I sort of don't care in my reality) ah fat.... Judgemental as fuck. (From our strong Christian studies... That too and that's what conflicts me the most. I know there is a God... But I feel like religion has a lot of missing details... Including things about this reality. But then again even the thought of that for some reason, its instilled in my mind that that could be a lie completely and then Ima burn in hell. What I think? I think God created everything. I think he is the one who under/inner stands my being because he made me...... Lol I feel bad for even smoking sometimes but I never get to reflect on this but (another contradiction) Anyways but I know God is real because he's spoken to me but it was so crazy.. Like did I make that up in the reality too? Naw. God spoke to me at that church through somebody. He's real. But were just Here to do his work which is life . to me thats helping people and loving them..... But this world doednt seem like it wants that.
Well I'm done. My yet again other trip has officially sufficed . It started off in slow motion this time. It felt like I was ticking but I also was more in tune with people . I understood all aspects in my mind (positives/negatives)
I was freezing and now I'm sweating.
I have cotton mouth but I'm scared to get up because I feel like they think I'm weird and heard my "trip"
Lawd. Its complicated being me. I wish I could remain at this stage where I could control my gears. And as I'm writing thus I'm saying holy fuck Lol I'm either crazy af or brilliant.

 

I'll guess it's the first choice...

 

Are you having trouble posting in addition to everything else? Why post the same thing multiple times? More than anything else you may have surmised about yourself it suggests you want someone to talk to you are otherwise pay attention to you.

 

I'm gonna go with crazy too... with just a wee bit of conceited mixed in.