i called up an exlover last night...because i missed her and was lonely. i asked her if she wanted to go for a hike (it was just before sunset) she is the only woman i know right now that i could call and propose a hike up a mountain at dusk knowing we will desend after dark. she is/was kinda hung-up on me but i just figured if she was not seeing anyone, why not enjoy each others company. i figured i could just be a warm friend although i admit i wouldn't mind having sex as long as it didn't emotionally hurt her...(i just don't feel we are meant to be in a relationship) we couldn't help it being a romantic hike. our assent was acomanied by a beautiful pink sunset and when we got to the top, we overlooked the hudson valley with a clear stary night above and crisp 60 deg weather. so we wound up cuddling and eventually kissing...and i caressed her and loved her because i knew she needed it...and i needed it. it was healing like food for the soul. we did not have sex because although she wanted too, she did not want to get hurt. of course i understand this and did not do the things i knew might tourture her. although i was completely honest with her. i still feel like what i did was wrong. not that it should be wrong. i think our society is touch deprived and it is a spiritual crime that we cannot reach out and nurture each other without repercussions of grasping and false perceptions blinding us from simply enjoying was is given in the moment. i feel maybe it was wrong because i already reached the conclusion that it may be irresponsable for me to give my love so freely. also i feel this because inside i know i did this for me not her. i had so much love built up inside and i just need to get it out...to make someone feel good with my love...that in turn heals me. (this does not need to manifest as sex, but it seems to be the natural path when with a unattached woman) i would love to hear some opinions on this. on average, i think those under 25 will interpert this differently than the older ones, but i would like to know if this makes any sense to anyone else. oh, and i am not a player at all. on the contrary i really want a relationship, but more so i want a deep connection/love.
I think you performed honorably, brother. No need to feel guilty. Choose freedom, and recognize the difference between desire and truth.
thank you herba you are right. this desire and truth ...maybe we also need to recognize there can be truth in desire. if pure and good hearted maybe truth and desire are unseperable. truth can so easily enter the heart but alas the trick is to let this flow continue without the exit toll of the ego's static...creating a desire with no truth. or maybe again tommorow i will know nothing she sent me an email telling me she understands how i feel and she had a good time and i made her feel real good. and she hopes we can do it again because she is glad i am still in her life on some level...i felt she said that in a very true/realistic way, so i feel good now because sometimes you think you speak to the heart but the ego is manipulating your words...maybe i am getting better at communicating.
because sometimes you think you speak to the heart but the ego is manipulating your words...maybe i am getting better at communicating.[/QUOTE] oh how true are these words!
I don't think it's fair to lead this girl on with false hopes of getting back together, which is what you are doing I think, without realizing it.Using someone for your own selfish reasons without considering hers is not nice.Eventually you will have to dump her and hurt her, again.If you're lonely,you should be getting #'s from available women that you actually want to get together with and let this poor girl move on and find someone else. ~peace
