So here's the deal. I'm a 23 year old male going into my last year in college. I've had a fair number of little hookups or whatever over the last year. But I've never really been in a true relationship or had sex on a regular basis (which I feel like I should have at my age). I've been dating this girl for about a month now and she's spent the night at my place a couple of times. But we still didn't have sex. We didnt even get to second base. Maybe she's just really protective of herself. But it's really frustrating. I feel like I've wasted my summer with this girl who I'm never going to end up having sex with. This has happened so many times in the last year - That I've dated a girl for a month or so and we never end up having sex, and then she calls the whole thing off. It feels like sex is always just right around the corner - like it's right there in front of me but I can never get it. I really can't figure it out. it makes me feel like there's something inadequate about myself. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or if it's just my bad luck. Any Advice?
Let me ask you a couple questions: 1. Why do you feel the need to have sex all the time? I've got an ex (now like a brother to me). He's 22 and he's never had sex. He doesn't feel the need, because in some cases that would ruin the emotional connection he has with his girlfriends. 2. Did you ever consider that maybe your "need" for sex pushes the girls you're with away? What kinds of girls are you dating? I mean, if you really only want sex, be up front with the girl, and if all she's interested in is sex, then it'll happen for you. But if you're going into the relationship expecting well...a real relationship, don't expect sex right away. It might not happen for months. What the girl is trying to do is forge an emotional bond with you before she lets you have her body. 3. Why do you feel inadequate about yourself? It really shouldn't matter if you've never had sex, or if you're not having sex regularly. It seems to me your attitudes come from the "example" of your peers, i.e. locker room talk. Trust me, there are PLENTY of guys around your age not having any sex. And you know what? It's not because they're not "cool" or because there's something "wrong" with them. They just happen to understand that in a relationship, there's more than just the physical. My advice would be to think about your feelings under the surface. Do you only want sex to keep your image? Or is it some sort of physical anxiety (my advice for that: masturbate, it does wonders )?
