sexuality - confused! thoughts please!

Discussion in 'Coming Out and Confused!' started by erusnu, Jun 16, 2013.

  1. erusnu

    erusnu Guest

    So, to save me waffling on, I'm gonna try and boil this down to the bare facts.

    I'm 22.
    I'm a guy.
    I'm a virgin.
    I identify as straight.

    Basically, I am questioning my sexuality for two main reasons:

    -I get turned on by huge muscles and imagining growing myself
    -My male housemate just moved out yesterday, and it brought about some weird feelings.

    So, with the first point. I watch many types of porn, but certainly enjoy stories/images/videos where there is an emphasis on muscularity, large privates, including the women's breasts too, a bit of a macrophilic theme in general.

    As for the second, I've never felt emotionally connected to a guy, like the way I crush on girls, except for this guy. But, I'm wondering because he's been my uni housemate for 3 years, (the other 3 housemates, have sorta changed every year), whether it's just a very strong bromance of sorts, and when he left the other day, I felt genuinely sad. My closest guy friends back home, and I've never felt like this about them, but then I wasn't seeing them everyday for 3 years of my life. We had a huge last night out, and the next morning 3 of us, him, and one of the girl housemates were lounging on my bed watching tv, and I just had this urge to roll over and hug him... I dunno. weird. Be nice if someone could weigh in with their thoughts on that.

    As for being a virgin. I appear very confident in my day to day life, and I'm very popular within my year at uni. But, I actually have crippling self-esteem and nerve problems in many areas of my life. Like with giving presentations, or reluctance to try anything new. Any my sex life is not an exception. I have had one serious girlfirend at uni, and fooled around a lot with her and that turned me on. But when it came to taking things further, I'd get so nervous about being crap at sex, that well the energy kinda died. I talked with this about her, and we were just gonna give it time. But after a couple of months, we had got further, but still not there, and then suddenly exams for our medical degrees were upon and we broke up to work for them.

    I currently have a crush on a girl, but again am not asking her out, as I have another set of exams coming up, but anyway, my housemate leaving, he did it quite suddenly, and so we didn't really have a proper goodbye, and I just havent felt this sad in a while. And as for the muscle fetish, I can get turned on without it, watching regular porn, but its like a bonus if its in there.

    So, basically, this is probably more for me to just write things and think things though. But I'd also really appreciate it if anyone could weigh in or relate to what I'm going through.
    Or suggest another more appropriate site for me if you know of one?
    Thanks to all who read this! :D
  2. KewlDewd66

    KewlDewd66 Member

    Dude, you are not alone.

    There are tons of other guys like yourself out there. All is good on the surface but nothing really works properly in their lives.

    Show some generosity towards the others, and cut yourself some slack, too. You are attracted to big muscular dudes. Why not try and connect? Have some fun, and prove it to yourself that you can do the things that you really want to do. You do not have to go into a millennial bromance, and all. A buddy of a kind will do, too, Learn that you'll have to leave your comfort zone if you want to achieve anything.

    Humans have recreational sex for a reason. We also play the games of partner selection for a reason. Getting who you want by showing some guts, and some brains, too, will do miracles to your "crippling self-esteem".

    Even the most secure and sane among us need an occasional ego boost. Landing a hot partner, and having some fun along the way sure helps.

  3. Wombatso

    Wombatso Member

    Sadly we are raised to feel sinful about ourselves. Sexuality especially and so it is hard for us to come to terms with our own self at times.

    I know for I once had the opportunity to have the most beautiful boyfriend but I stuffed it up because of my own self doubt.
  4. JimInPhila

    JimInPhila Member

    Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were raise without guilt. How many times were we told that we were "bad" for doing something.....childish, as child. Think how great it would be to have been taught about a God who "loves us all the time," not just when we're "good," according to the adult. Think about a God who doesn't have the word "but" in His/Her/Its vocabulary.
    As in, God loves you BUT if you do "that," he'll make you go to hell,,,,for ever and ever and ever. I, personally, don't believe God can change His/Her/Its mind. The God of Love can only Love. A God of Love can not hate. As children, we are raised with the words "good and bad," it's kept simple for us children. As adults, we might want to think about "wise vs. unwise choices."
    Our choices cause results down the line. (Suggest you don't kill anyone, might be an unwise choice and you'll go to jail.)
    Works for me; it took me some time to understand and work it.
  5. KewlDewd66

    KewlDewd66 Member

    True. We have been raised with the sense of guilt. Now it is up to us to discard the notion completely.

    One day you understood that there is no Santa, though you were raised to believe that there was one. So, you shrugged with your shoulders, and moved on. The sun rose in the east the next morning, too.

    One day you realize that the whole "guilt" concept is profoundly flawed. You realize that there is a biological need, drive, and that it should be met one way or the other. So, you dispose of that idea, and move on. It is as simple for as long as you want it to be simple.

  6. terracotta27

    terracotta27 Member

    Definitely you need to give a woman a try so that you can explore your feeling and also feelings for someone else. Likely the longer you wait the harder it may become to break through that barrier of self doubt. But even the most outgoing popular person you know has self doubts, it just comes with the territory. Since most people go through a few relationships before finding the right one, then there really should be so much pressure on the first one, it is just practice as you do for anything else. Even doctors are in a "practice". So relax a bit and ask that girl out on a date. You are smart, a thinker so you are well on your way. The rest will sort it self out as you live and learn about yourself and the world. When you stop figuring things out - you are either a rock or dead
  7. We all get crushes and they're fun and make us feel good. As far as making love, it helps to make sue it's the right person. Some people don't have that trouble; having sex with whomever is so easy. But people like you and me need to be with someone who makes us feel very comfortable. Of course we have to work on our own self esteem as well. The time that I felt the most turned on was during a time when i was taking charge of my life for the first time. I felt good enough about myself to be able to get aroused. I've seen a video that said just spending time standing or sitting in confident positions eventually tricks your brain into BEING confident. Give it a try! There's nothing to lose!

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