i was amazed to see these statements in a thread... does anyone else think that being abused as a young child and being abused as a 14 year old young man, don't have any connection? Is there some wisdom i am missing here?
a 14 year old knows (or should know) enough to get help a child is usually completely helpless Im not familiar with the thread or context of the statements though so Im just going by your question.
not if they have been sexually abused as a child BBAD... i don't know the circumstances under which he was abused (actual age, relationship to abuser etc), but i can speak from experience when i say that ANY sexual contact that you have for many YEARS after having been abused like that, flicks a switch, either straight back to childhood and vulnerability, or into the imagined adult identity (by that, i mean that some children suddenly feel all grown up when they have sex with grown ups... they may feel mature, but they are not... it is an imagined maturity, which makes them equally vulnerable to further abuse)...
A 14 year old who has been groomed does not know any differently than a younger child. The abuse is wrong no matter what age it started at and is equally emotionally abusive.
yeah, abuse is abuse, but why is it that some people think that abuse that happens in your childhood is unrelated to abuse later on in life? atleast that is what i understand from the people i quoted.... maybe i should tell them about this thread and ask them...
I have to agree with Goofy on this one. Maybe we handle it different but then again we might not. depends on who you are.
Maybe not? I see that it is more than one issue. Firstly that those who have been abused are also far more likely to be abused again. So the two incidents may very well be just a continuation of a really bad situation. Not necessarily that the same perpetrator is involved but that the person who was abused is. I also though see many times that people want to draw age lines on these issues and there are none in my opinion. To touch any child when you are an adult or in a position of authority is simply not acceptable be it that they are 1 or 6 or 14. There is an assumption of the abused being able to get help at certain ages but that is not always the case. Predators choose these children for a reason as they are generally isolated emotionally and they use that to their advantage. Then there is also society who turn around and say that at that age they should have done something, really makes someone who is being abused wish to come forward.....not.
clear and intelligent as ever Heat... thanks for your clarity of thought :daisy: thought that might be the case... thanks Aerianne
The thread in question was about a little dude that had developed early, amongst other things had mentioned he had been taken advantage of by his boyfriends friends. saying stuff like there is no difference between being abused like this and whatever happened when he was younger or that abuse is abuse...sounds like the right thing you are supposed to say. But to them it just ends up sounding like you are trying to deny that the fact that he's a 14 yr old in a grown ups male body has nothing to do with it. That is, you end up sounding like everyone else in denial trying to cover it up. Even if you are another type of abuse survivor, you were a 6 yr old girl abused by her crusty old grandad, but then you get to your teens and develop the same way as everybody else, dont really fill out till 17, 18. You are going to have no idea what it is to be the 12 yr old girl thats already got boobs, already looks 21, neverending dumb jokes from guys you age, pretty much every other female regardless of that age just instantly bitchy towards you, far more likley to get fondled and molested, a never ending sea of pervy older guys (and some women).....pretty much everybody older than you trying to take advantage of you in some way because you look like an adult but they know inside your head you are still a vulnerable teen. Male, Female, Gay, Straight, bi whatever doesnt matter, at that age if they do develop earlier than everbody else, just simply far more likely to get fucked over by everyone else. And it is EVERYBODY else. The girls will have pretty much every older guy pervy at them, the guys will have pretty much every older female "Oh my arent you big argggargghharghhlll" Having the magic ability to say out loud things like Abuse is abuse no matter what is the easy part. Joining together in the group hug, oh this is how we all say we'd act and how we think. But the reality is very very different, most of the time the parents wil hush it up cos they are more worried about the families reputation; that is, what everyone wont say out loud but will behind there back, or if it is like and uncle or aunt, what it will do to the family. Or if it was like the basketball coach, everyone else will be like, oh but he was a really good basketball coach and our team was winning this kids just making it up. and its worse in a way if the perps are the same age, reality is everyone will be more like; oh they are just a bunch of horny 14 yr old boys, boys will be boys....or if its the 12 yr old girl thats developed early, every other girl will be like; oh she was just asking for it dressing like that. Younger children, especially before an age they can communicate are just simply far more vulnerable than anyone else, no one is going to believe otherwise, to try claim otherwise is just going to sound like nonsense
speaking as someone who was abused by her crusty old grandfather when i was three years old, possibly younger, and someone who had boobs at 11 years old (i was clubbing in over 21 clubs at the age of 12), i think i have some insight into this young mans problems VG... and to say that it is worse if the perps are the same age is just not the case in my experience... age appropriate sexual exploration is a very natural thing... being molested by an adult when still a child is, however, VERY damaging... it doesn't seem so at the time because you feel older than you are, but it is abuse, nevertheless and you suffer greatly as a result of it, both at the time, and later... i think that it would have been helpful had i known that my behaviour was due to the early sexual abuse i experienced at the hands of someone who was supposed to love me... the young man is clearly confused and i don't think your advice to him is helpful, infact, i think it downright dangerous...
