Ok. im not a parent. But I needed a parental Advice... this isnt really about me.. I just wanna Here some opinions, Perhaps prepare my self For my future with children.. and see if my views or similer to people here. . . K so, My parents arnt all that cool with the whole Sex thing, and theyve talked to me about. I think its because they are Religious or what ever...but like.. they dont tell me to be SAFE about it.. they just say DONT have sex.. which really i think is bad Teachings.. becuse well of course teenagers go out and have sex if they want to.. .. Anyways.. . I just wanted to know what Your "parenting" View on teenage sex.. like How early? perhaps a way to come to an understanding between Parents and teenagers about this subject. How do you approach this subject. and at which times in your childs life?
well you should be teaching your children in subtle ways their whole life. When they are curious about their bodies explain the parts, don't use stupid names and explain this is for doing when your alone and never make them feel embarrassed or bad to want to touch themselves. I am going to play the rest by ear. When they turn 10 is prob when I'm going to start. I think they need to know the FACTS beforehand... I am not embarrassed to explain to my kids the things my parents did not. They will know mommy had them when she was young but they were always very much loved and wanted as well. I do not feel a teenager is ready for sex, period. By 17-18 maybe... well thats when I was actually mature enough but that could have been because I wised up when I had kids. I remember a huge difference in my feelings and mindsets from 15 to now and wow... if I had the maturity or parents to tell me to WAIT I probably would have. Its a shame... the people who avoid the sex talk like the plague are the ones who's children end up in trouble.
Well, my kids will not have sex or drive until they are in their 40's. LOL Just kidding ! No, really.. I can't be there with them 24/7. I would just tell them to try to wait, and if you're not ready to be a parent, then don't do it. If you do, you better use something. I will tell them I would prefer you to get a good education first. I would want them to prioritize (put in some order) of what is most importnat at this and that time in their life.
as earthy said, sex ed is a whole life teaching (check out the religious education plans that the Unitarian Universalists developed, btw) done from day one, and probably affected by attitude during development, I'd wager (no proof, but a strong hunch...ignore at will). Once you are dealing with a teen, the emphasis becomes: what is the family's outlook on sex and marriage, and gender identity and roles? If your family is against marriage outside of a lasting bond, then you will need to be extremely responsible on your own. know about sexual health.Use BC, EVERY TIME. Have a plan should bc fail. take yourself to the gyno. No offense to mamas who went down that road early, but I'm a HUGE advocate of having your education finished and that includes post secondary training or university. And I say that because no one did for me and my 8 yo son was at my uni graduation! as to when, I could no more say that than the best age to try MDMA or LSD. Seriously, every person is different, and sometimes the physically mature are emotionally immature, really immature. And I doubt anyone is truly prepared for a first time emotionally. It is uncharted territory, no matter how much advice you have.
while reading this thread and the other current one up about dating and sex and im really concerned. i didn't even think about sex at 14. i was fairly curious my whole life probably due to my parents making it all a mystery to me. it was all like a big secret. so naturally i was very curious and tried to find out as much as i could about it behind their backs. but i never had a serious boyfriend until highschool. and i didnt even think about having actual sex until i was with that boyfriend for almost a year. it just seems like now kids as young as 11 are talking about/having sex. is there a lot of peer pressure from friends to do it? there's absolutely no way an 11 year old could be mature enough to deal with it. im really rather shocked. is this normal now? it's really sad. i dont think that parents should tell their kids not to, bc they just will anyway... but they should really help the kids to understand exactly what they're doing. but that seems rather impossible to do if all the other kids are running around doing it and making it look cool. it's a shame there's not a better example out there for kids to follow. sex is everywhere in the media. and most kids don't come from traditional families anymore, so it's not like you can point to that and say thats the way it should be. idk, does that even make sense? it just seems like no one is waiting anymore so how can you tell your kid to? and how is an 11-12 yr old going to even understand why they shouldnt if theres so many kids doing it? you just have to give them the info and cross your fingers and hope they make good choices? i guess thats how it is with most things though... i dont know i've just started thinking about having to deal with this with my son someday and it scares me to see kids so young are having sex. i guess it just freaks me out bc my parents did it all the wrong way and im still uncomfortable about it in a lot of ways. i hope i get over my own insecuruties before i have to deal with it with him. but is it really a common thing for kids so young to be into?
sex ed throughout a childs life is the only way to do it, IMO. I never even got a sex talk....well, actually, mine kinda spawned from my dad catching me looking at porn when I was 12 on my grandpa's computer. And the fact that my dad was giving me the talk felt even worse.That was akward, to say the least... I started having sex when I was abotu 15-16..."experimenting" as earily as 14. Way too young. By the time I was 17, I had already moved in with my now husband and I believe that by that point, I was mature enough to know what I was doing and the risks involved...but that came from all my own experience with past boyfriends, which I'm really wishing hadn't been the case. I wasn't a "slut" by any means, but lord knows what could have happened having sex so young. That said, teens are going to have sex. It is a very rare occurence when you see a teen who is willing to wait. And even the people I knew in high school who said that almost all ended up having sex by the time they were 20. That's why I think that it's important to teach you children from the moment they are born about sex and their bodies, as well as things like love, trust, relationships, what can happen if BC fails, etc. I don't find sex an akward thing to talk about at all anymore, and I want to make sure that it is just as open a topic in our house as homework, part time jobs, cars, school, etc, is. Drumminmama had a good point...and that is another thing I want to stress to my daughter and son....school is incredibly important and that needs to be a priority before they think about having kids. Granted, I've been having my kids before and during college, so I seem like a major hypocrite, and I know never would have gone back to school had it not been for my daughter. However, I am missing way too many important things in her life right now due to daycare and 8 hours of homework per night. I could talk about this for hours, lol sorry if I didn't actually answer your question. Since your parents are much less open about the topic, I think that you need to take it upon yourself to trust when you are ready, but make sure to evaluate all the things in your life before you venture into it. I mean beyond STDs and pregnancy, but that you're emotionally ready for it and understand the huge impact it could have on your life if something does go wrong, and how capable you are of handling it by yourself.
I'm not a parent myself but these are my opinions. Sex education should start from day one, always inform your child about their bodies, their emotions, their developments, etc. I don't think anything should ever be kept "secret". My mother was always very open about everything with me. Any time I had a question, I could just ask, and it was no big deal. When I was in 5th grade, it was required by the school that we have "sex ed", so I learned a lot about menstruation from there. When I turned 17 my mom sat me down and said to me "look. you're 17. you're old enough to make that desicsion. I'm not going to put you down for anything, I lost my virginity at 17. Just come to me, if it happens, and we'll set up an appt. with the doctor". It wasn't a big deal. When I did become sexually active with my boyfriend, I told her and it was no sweat. I think this is the best attitude to take with your kids. That way its not ever "bad" or "wrong" and they won't feel that nagging impulse to do it just because its "rebelling"
When you're mature enough to accept the responsibility that you may spawn a child from your actions, you're mature enough to have sex.
Well At least im in agreement to most if not all of theese posts! I just Dont wanna be a repeat of what my parents did.... but then again im alot more open minded then both of them.. so i dono what will turn out ha thanks alot everyone
if youare gonna do it then do it but be safe. Make sure the girl you are with is clean and make sure you are using birth controlls and condoms. If you don't want to be a daddy right outa high school then be smart about your sexual choices...there are plenty of young parents out there and that is what your parents don't want out of you. For the most aprt at this point if they are still closed minded about it and you are almsot an adult then why even bother to talk to them about it. There are plenty of other places to get info and support.
Well the concern about this between ME and MYPARENTS has pritty much diminished. I should feel free to make my own choices now, The rest of my life is up to me at this point. I was just Getting advice for future parenting.. which i supose is a long way down the road... But hey if it isnt then thats ok tooo
well i wouold say that telling teenagers not to have sex is not going to prevent anything. it happens and if it does happen they need to know how to protect themselves
