Sex as a Coping Strategy

I have negative intrusive thoughts throughout the day. I'm extremely paranoid that someone will dominate my will and ruin my life.

I have made sex the central focus of my life. It's a revolt against sex negativity and the double standard where men have free reign but women must be treated like property.

I have tried everything to get rid of the thoughts. Prayer was the most useless of all. It was degrading and silly superstition. I dumped god. I tried different religions from buddhism to laveyan satanism. Waste of time. I don't believe in organized religion.

Mindfulness meditation was also worthless. My condition is worse that that.

So I figure: I'm passionate about sex, I do it all the time, I'm passionate about the politics and psychology behind it, so why not put it to good use?

So I watch hbo specials, read sex books, blog about it, and engage in it. It has saved me.

I can't let on offline because I'm surrounded by conformists. They believe in marriage and kids. They will try to take this away from me and leave no suitable replacement.

 

I say more power to ya!

 

Thanks for the sex positive input

 

How can anyone take sex away from you as long as you have willing partners?

 

Oi, this again

Doesnt it really in the end just mean you have a higher libido than most other women, most other people for that matter. Theres nothing to fight, if you constantly think about sex all the time you were never going to be able to confirm anyway.

A coping strategy for what? Not ending up married with kids and bored out of your skull?

 

I'm not married. I don't work in a sex related field because I'm an extremely private person and would never want everyday people to know that I'm passionate about sex.

 

If you like sex have sex with who you want when you want. Stop worrying about what other people think about what you do. Live your life the way you want. If other people don't like it who gives a fuck? The way you are always talking about what other people think makes it sound like you are unsure about the way you live your life or insecure. It is your life own it.

 

Lol, a coping strategy for the negative, critical ''voices''.

 

I still live at home so my imagination runs wild.

 

If you are a very straight male you will likely be attracted to a straight female. They tend to totally dominate their male partners, who are completely obedient. This works, because males tend to chase after most attractive females and do foolish things, so need strict females in their lives to keep them in line so they can have a family and raise children successfully. If you have some female traits (androgyny is linked to having high IQs and creativity) you might not want to be dominated since straight females typically don't take orders from anyone, believe they are always right. Androgynous people often have very high libidos and like to be in open relationships. That's probably why famous musicians, writers, actors, and artists generally don't settle down with anyone for very long at a time, love orgies and variety.
http://blogs.psychcentral.com/creative-mind/2011/02/the-complexity-of-the-creative-personality/

 

This is like saying you've given up meat and vegetables, and only eating desert for the rest of your life.

Only porn stars can pull this off; the ones who make enough money to retire by age 40. You can't keep this up for a lifetime. Financial independence is the key, for the rest of us.

Even in college, I had to focus on my work at least five days a week.

 

I think life would be pretty boring if I'd focus on only one thing.

You don't wanna marry? Don't. You don't want kids? Don't have them. I loath children myself, join the club.

I don't understand this need to focus on something, on only one thing. Why not vary, do lots of stuff, travel, fuck, dive, fly, sing, dance, make money to enjoy all life has to offer.

I think it is a waste of time and energy to concentrate on being a rebel. Be a rebel, but live your life to the full. Sex is super, fuck a lot, enjoy it, but you surely can do other stuff, too.

And independence comes with money. I'll explain. If I understood it well, you still live with your parents. Why???? If you disagree with them so much and if they try to make you adhere to their way of life, leave the house. You're only really independent when you don't need somebody else's roof to protect you from the rain and somebody else's money to feed yourself. If you do, you can kid yourself you're free as much as you want, but they still control you.

Well, if that's enough to you, the thought you're free, all the while being dependent on the people you despise, go for it.

 

Sure thing

 

Thanks for responding. I value your input.:mickey:

I fear I'm too neurotic to be able to focus on anything else. I tried generic hedonism but nothing was stimulating enough. I do occasionally do other things like chat at bars about whatever, practice Spanish, volunteer, blog, play piano, go to church, spend time with my family, watch Dr. Phil and Family Feud, etc. But I find it hard to focus.

I'm on SSI so I'm not mooching off of my mom. I have a huge savings. The condo is paid for so no one pays rent.

 

You need a career that you deeply care about. That would take up a tremendous amount of time and energy. You could get involved with an organization that helps women with serious problems, or a political organization that supports women's rights.

 

I think you're right. I'm interested in various issues, like domestic violence, abortion rights, human trafficking, sexual abuse, equal pay for equal work, division of labor, etc. I'm very passionate about women's issues. As a black woman, I feel like too often we're expected to put women's issues to the back burner and be a united front against racism. That hurts me.

I guess I could start by volunteering and networking. Thanks friend.

 

Yeah, but that's only one part of who you are.

 

Maybe you should see a counselor. I'm curious about your age. It sounds like you're having a sort of identity crisis. Maybe you just need to break away all these labels. You don't even have to think of yourself as a woman, as black, etc. you can just be you.

Personally for me, there was a time when I stripped away every label anyone else could put on me and ignored everyone. everyone's opinions. You can do that for a period of time. You want to be a rebel regarding sexual standards, but what about a rebel for individuality. If you can't be honest about who you are(a multi-faceted person) in your community, with the people around you, maybe you need to find the courage to accept yourself more, how can anyone else accept you if you're ashamed of and hiding who you are?

Find some support from somewhere and build up a foundation of people you can be real and completely honest about who you are with. That's where I'd start if I were you...and counseling. Good luck.

 

Yes I'd love to be free of labels, thanks.

Especially African/African American because I don't fit into either culture. I don't appreciate female genital mutilation in Africa and there are some issues with African American group think.

Agnostic/atheist, because I'm able to take a leap of faith but just find it pointless and am a tad afraid to go to hell for ignoring god.

Bisexual/lesbian/straight because I love the LGBT community and would hate to be kicked to the curb. It's complex.

Woman because of the stereotypes about how our brains work and bad experiences with women being catty.

Black is fine unless you're not black enough.

 

You are SOOOOOO right! Insightful, with a sense of humor..